drive by's

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So my soon to be wife, who is undiagnosed BPD but has most if not all the symptoms left me suddenly 2 months ago without any word or warning I just came home and saw that she and my baby were gone. The night before we had sex she woke up with me the next morning and even fixed my lunch for the day kissed me and said I can't wait to see you when you get home. We text all day long until lunch time and then it suddenly stopped. I have not heard one word out of her or my baby in over 2 months. However my neighbors and my mother tells me that she has been driving by my home which is out of the way for her. Why won't she just call or text me instead of driving by my house?

[hurting300]

So my soon to be wife, who is undiagnosed BPD but has most if not all the symptoms left me suddenly 2 months ago without any word or warning I just came home and saw that she and my baby were gone. The night before we had sex she woke up with me the next morning and even fixed my lunch for the day kissed me and said I can't wait to see you when you get home. We text all day long until lunch time and then it suddenly stopped. I have not heard one word out of her or my baby in over 2 months. However my neighbors and my mother tells me that she has been driving by my home which is out of the way for her. Why won't she just call or text me instead of driving by my house?

[catnap]

To keep tabs on you, perhaps looking to see if you have company (a new girlfriend).  I am more concerned that you have not seen your child in 2 months.  Have you consulted with a family law attorney about custody issues?

[hurting300]

Yes I have, but unfortunately we can't find my ex to serve her the papers.

[patientandclear]

Hurting, she's conflicted and ambivalent. I know that doesn't help you know what to do. But I think you can be confident that SHE doesn't know what she's doing either.

[hurting300]

You know, I miss them so much. The way she dumped me is weird and makes no sense. She had sex with me hours before, and packed my lunch. Kissed me goodbye and then I never see or hear from her again. Are we even broken up

[catnap]

Yes I have, but unfortunately we can't find my ex to serve her the papers.

I went back and read some of your posts.  You suspect her grandmother maybe keeping the baby--is there a way for you to legally take custody of the baby from the grandmother? 

[hurting300]

No, we have too serve the legal guardian. Which is her mother.

[myself]

It's as if she's looking for her 'home', but when it's right in front of her, she feels more compelled to pass by/deny it than make the adjustments needed to stay. Even though it makes no sense she left in the first place. Texting/calling are direct contact. This is more like she's daring herself without the follow through? Are there other times she did anything like this?

[hurting300]

Yeah she give me the silent treatment for two days before, funny thing about that. I left flowers on her car the first day, she kept the flowers and finally unblock my number two days later. I was catching her in lies towards the end and calling her out.

[patientandclear]

I can't recall -- have you been reaching out to her during this period?  Sounds like she may have been afraid you were going to "figure her out" and leave her.  So she preempted that.  Some gentle reassurance that you are still there (if you are, emotionally) and the light is green may allow her to return, like the flowers.

[hurting300]

I have no idea where she is. I told her not to ever block me out of her life again because it's childish and she agreed not too. I'm starting to get angry about it 

[Infared]

Hurting 300

I identify with you and can feel your pain. I endured similar behavior, with an abrupt departure and the drive-bys. It is baffling and confusing to us, but to a pwBPD this is totally normal behavior in my experience...  I don't believe that they even question it... . it is just what they must do to get by... . I also believe that they are totally unaware as to how their behavior effects others... . they are just trying to survive or cope with their own pain.

This is a good place to find understanding and support. What helped me a lot is that I found others that went through similar circumstances that I did... . because for I while there I thought that I was the only one.

[hurting300]

It's weird guys... . I do love her, but I need to let go. Sometimes I can feel that she is near by... I know that sounds crazy. But she never raged at me but once. She was so passive aggressive.