So it's finally over...

[christoff522]

Has anyone's BPDEx ever publicly conveyed a fantasy world that's not true? This girl is talking about a job she doesn't have, friends she doesn't have, an education she doesn't have... . none of this was happening a week ago so I doubt it's happening now.

Is this normal? Why would someone create a fantasy like this? Is she crying for attention because we haven't spoken?

i've read about it. Frankly all BPDs lie, and fabricate stuff. But the extremes, yes, they even create false persona's.

Why is a pretty hard thing to explain, I suppose its a defense mechanism, allows them to experience things that they normally wouldn't be able to.

They'll lie even when they don't need to.

[learnandgrow]

Thank you for sharing you experience. She's already publicly referring to the new guy as "babe" and hasn't even been out with him yet. It's hurtful and confusing to say the least. It's been 2 days of no-contact on my end and this is paraded in front of my face.

Your relationship was meaningful to you? Well I think all that you can do is take from it the meaning that you want it to have because I doubt you're going to find that validation in your ex. A pwBPD who has been a very insightful and interesting contributor on the Learning board posted this:

We don't usually consciously pretend to be something we're not, what happens is this:

1. A lot of uncontrollable emotion means a lot of empathy, which makes us adopt other people's emotions like one catches a cold.

So imagine for example a young BPD girl who meets a person for the first time and she becomes interested in them. The person believes is a huge activist concerned with animal rights. The person tells her all about it. The person is enthusiastic about the issue, tells her about how much abandoned dogs suffer, how it breaks their heart that they should be put through such horrible treatment.

The girl listens, fascinated, and is inflamed with the absolute NEED to protect these poor little creatures, wants to cry for them, wants to save them, and wants to become an activist just like the person they've just met.

The girl then goes home, goes to sleep, and the morning after she probably is shocked at how she doesn't feel as strongly today about animal rights as she felt yesterday. She actually isn't really interested in being an activist at all, any more.

That is, until the next time they meet the activist person. Then it all comes back again.

2. We want to be liked. We absolutely want to be liked by everyone always.

So basically, we are chameleons like psychopaths, but not for the same reasons. Psychopaths consciously mimic those around them in order to fit in and be left alone; it's camouflage. BPDs unconsciously adopt the likes, dislikes, feelings and ideas of those around them because our heads are constantly filled with noise, but the noise doesn't ever get ordered into actual sound like it happens in other people's heads.

So, if I meet someone who says "honesty is the most important thing in a relationship", chances are I am genuinely going to feel and believe honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, and I'll defend its value with all my might; but once I spend a few hours away from that person and my emotions shift, I'll take a look back at the time where I thought honesty was the most important thing in a relationship and feel like the person who thought that was a completely different person. I'll feel like my body was momentarily taken over by another entity. Until I meet the person again, probably.

[christoff522]

She followed it with a quip like "if you had multiple chances to be with someone you wanted and you blew them all you might as well shutup."

This is the most confusing , hurtful thing I've experienced

Which shows one thing, you were always more into her than she was into you. Which - is awful. She's incapable of what the rest of us is capable of feeling. Shes an emotional wreck.

[Red Sky]

She followed it with a quip like "if you had multiple chances to be with someone you wanted and you blew them all you might as well shutup."

This is the most confusing , hurtful thing I've experienced

Which shows one thing, you were always more into her than she was into you. Which - is awful. She's incapable of what the rest of us is capable of feeling. Shes an emotional wreck.

I'm going to dispute that. Using the logic I posted above, there is every chance that she would be feeding off of your strong affection for her and feeling the same right back, but once things went up the creek then she would feed off of the negativity instead. Self-defence. Who know how you appear in her mind. But at the time? Who knows whether she felt the same at the time. Isn't this part of what makes it so difficult to find closure, the fact that you will never really understand what went on in their head?

[christoff522]

She followed it with a quip like "if you had multiple chances to be with someone you wanted and you blew them all you might as well shutup."

This is the most confusing , hurtful thing I've experienced

Which shows one thing, you were always more into her than she was into you. Which - is awful. She's incapable of what the rest of us is capable of feeling. Shes an emotional wreck.

I'm going to dispute that. Using the logic I posted above, there is every chance that she would be feeding off of your strong affection for her and feeling the same right back, but once things went up the creek then she would feed off of the negativity instead. Self-defence. Who know how you appear in her mind. But at the time? Who knows whether she felt the same at the time. Isn't this part of what makes it so difficult to find closure, the fact that you will never really understand what went on in their head?

Feel free to dispute Red, some people have done far more research than others, perhaps had more time to figure stuff out. I'm kind of torn between the strong emotions/view us as objects theories of BPD. I totally agree that much of what they do is in self-defense, protecting their ego. But I would say her strongest 'positive' emotions were at the beginning, and by the end it was nothing but negativity. Thats how it always goes, every story I've heard, and based on my own experience.

Personally though, we will never know. I just checked my BPD's youtube, and shes made a new playlist, every song title has 'broken heart' in it. But, its childs emotions, its not an adults way of dealing with things. I agree, its so bloody confusing.

[Split black]

She followed it with a quip like "if you had multiple chances to be with someone you wanted and you blew them all you might as well shutup."

This is the most confusing , hurtful thing I've experienced

Which shows one thing, you were always more into her than she was into you. Which - is awful. She's incapable of what the rest of us is capable of feeling. Shes an emotional wreck.

I'm going to dispute that. Using the logic I posted above, there is every chance that she would be feeding off of your strong affection for her and feeling the same right back, but once things went up the creek then she would feed off of the negativity instead. Self-defence. Who know how you appear in her mind. But at the time? Who knows whether she felt the same at the time. Isn't this part of what makes it so difficult to find closure, the fact that you will never really understand what went on in their head?

Feel free to dispute Red, some people have done far more research than others, perhaps had more time to figure stuff out. I'm kind of torn between the strong emotions/view us as objects theories of BPD. I totally agree that much of what they do is in self-defense, protecting their ego. But I would say her strongest 'positive' emotions were at the beginning, and by the end it was nothing but negativity. Thats how it always goes, every story I've heard, and based on my own experience.

Personally though, we will never know. I just checked my BPD's youtube, and shes made a new playlist, every song title has 'broken heart' in it. But, its childs emotions, its not an adults way of dealing with things. I agree, its so bloody confusing.

I agree with the way you feel. I have experienced exactly that from mine and also below this from my ex. The short honeymoon period ... .   was incredible. But my reality is the following. She has

A remarkable facility for lying and manipulation, particularly for sympathy and adulation, but also to enlist action from others that will further their personal objectives for revenge or retaliation.

    A propensity to make false allegations of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence.

    A near bottomless capacity for vengeance over the least, or even imagined, slights.

    A sadistic pleasure in causing unwarranted harm to others who are perceived to be enemies, or even those determined to not love them “enough.”

    The capacity to justify and rationalize any abusive behavior, no matter how extreme or how innocent the victim. No moral compass.

    The repetitive demand that others sympathize with them, even as they cause destruction in the lives of innocents.

    The distorted mindset that the abuse they inflict is not abuse, but that objecting to it or fighting back is abusive to them.

[Red Sky]

I am in no way denying that you have had horrible experiences of being manipulated and well and truly abused. What I think is that it isn't (necessarily? I don't know) 'manipulation' done in the same way as it would be if you or I did it. The best example I can give is my supremely manipulative uNPDexbf. He was utterly Machiavellian. Could twist anything to suit him. He was a straight-A student who applied for a dyslexia test to get the extra time in exams that you get for having a learning disability. But what I realised later was that I don't think he understood that the rest of the world doesn't live their lives the same way. I think that in the same way, a pwBPD's moral compass may be distorted such that what we perceive as manipulation is what they perceive as a just course of action (read; probably a self-serving one).

What I was trying to say was that in the case of whether learnandgrow's ex had the same strength of feeling as him, was that it is possible that she did... . in that moment. If we assume that whatever she is doing now is entirely self-serving, then

- she is rubbing it in his face to manipulate him into coming back

- she is rubbing it in his face to make her feel good and/or hurt him

- she needs the attention of someone constantly and she is playing the love-bird game as hard as she can because she loves the fiction of being madly in love

And whatever strength of feeling she had may well be gone. But without the full awareness of how your actions affect other people, you may not see this manipulation as morally wrong... . How do you know everyone else isn't living their lives the same way?

[learnandgrow]

Either that, or she's painted me completely black, already forgotten (out of site out of mind,) and filled my spot with the new guy 2 days later (who's been painted white.)

For all I know I'm already forgotten and she could care less. Or if it's the other way around she could be being vengeful. Either is awful... . but if I had to choose I'd prefer to think of her as not so cold to replace me in 2 days and start sleeping with a new guy. It'd be nice to know I at least mattered a little bit and am not so easily replaced.

I am in no way denying that you have had horrible experiences of being manipulated and well and truly abused. What I think is that it isn't (necessarily? I don't know) 'manipulation' done in the same way as it would be if you or I did it. The best example I can give is my supremely manipulative uNPDexbf. He was utterly Machiavellian. Could twist anything to suit him. He was a straight-A student who applied for a dyslexia test to get the extra time in exams that you get for having a learning disability. But what I realised later was that I don't think he understood that the rest of the world doesn't live their lives the same way. I think that in the same way, a pwBPD's moral compass may be distorted such that what we perceive as manipulation is what they perceive as a just course of action (read; probably a self-serving one).

What I was trying to say was that in the case of whether learnandgrow's ex had the same strength of feeling as him, was that it is possible that she did... . in that moment. If we assume that whatever she is doing now is entirely self-serving, then

- she is rubbing it in his face to manipulate him into coming back

- she is rubbing it in his face to make her feel good and/or hurt him

- she needs the attention of someone constantly and she is playing the love-bird game as hard as she can because she loves the fiction of being madly in love

And whatever strength of feeling she had may well be gone. But without the full awareness of how your actions affect other people, you may not see this manipulation as morally wrong... . How do you know everyone else isn't living their lives the same way?

[learnandgrow]

I also followed her on tumblr (another social media account) where she had reblogged pictures saying "I deserved better." Is this common as well? It's a major shot at me because I seriously tried. In reality I probably deserved better than this and the way it ended. Do borderlines really feel that way?

[christoff522]

I agree with the way you feel. I have experienced exactly that from mine and also below this from my ex. The short honeymoon period ... .   was incredible. But my reality is the following. She has

A remarkable facility for lying and manipulation, particularly for sympathy and adulation, but also to enlist action from others that will further their personal objectives for revenge or retaliation.

    A propensity to make false allegations of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence.

    A near bottomless capacity for vengeance over the least, or even imagined, slights.

    A sadistic pleasure in causing unwarranted harm to others who are perceived to be enemies, or even those determined to not love them “enough.”

    The capacity to justify and rationalize any abusive behavior, no matter how extreme or how innocent the victim. No moral compass.

    The repetitive demand that others sympathize with them, even as they cause destruction in the lives of innocents.

    The distorted mindset that the abuse they inflict is not abuse, but that objecting to it or fighting back is abusive to them.

Yes this is an illness - but... it cannot excuse the actions of that person.

If someone suffers from psychopathy, and slices someone to bits slowly and painfully for the joy of it - that person will still receive the death penalty for their crimes despite their mental disorder.

I won't even do a checklist of what you say there, check to all of them. Most of it in fact was not relating to me, she told me her ex had done these things (rape and abuse etc). It wasn't possible for her to make such accusations against me because we didn't have enough physical contact (praise Jesus for that).

"The distorted mindset that the abuse they inflict is not abuse, but that objecting to it or fighting back is abusive to them."

Oh wow, totally - I was in the bath one day, I'd told her I was having a bath. ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, she's calling me, non stop. I thought - screw that I'm not answering I'm in the bath. ring ring, ring ring ring ring.

For the entire length of my bath she wouldn't stop ringing. When the bath was over, I answered "YOU ASSHOLE!" - "I was in the bath! I told you I was" "I DONT CARE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE".

Now if she was in the bath, needed some space - I'd be the ass again for ringing her! Can't win. It's also abuse, because of the negative connotations associated with contact. Any contact with a BPD leads to extremes - either it's "don't want to talk f*** off" or you can't get rid of them - literally, and any attempt to leave is classed as abandonment and you 'hating' them.

[christoff522]

Either that, or she's painted me completely black, already forgotten (out of site out of mind,) and filled my spot with the new guy 2 days later (who's been painted white.)

For all I know I'm already forgotten and she could care less. Or if it's the other way around she could be being vengeful. Either is awful... . but if I had to choose I'd prefer to think of her as not so cold to replace me in 2 days and start sleeping with a new guy. It'd be nice to know I at least mattered a little bit and am not so easily replaced.

Then feel that way, convince yourself of it. Your guess is as good as anyone elses. I can assure you of this, she feels shame for what shes done to you. But she wouldn't initiate contact over that unless she had certainty you forgave her completely - which is unlikely. BPDs are confusing creatures.

Its probable she doesn't think about you anymore. Remember how completely obsessed she was with you. Now extrapolate that onto the new guy - she's the same with him as she is with you. Its awful but thats just how it is with BPDs. Gotta be honest.

BPDs find people as different as possible, and for a time absorb their personalities, morals, beliefs onto themselves as best as they can. They then tend to reflect that back onto the person - all the positives (cos for a while they don't see negatives) - it's why we love them so much, because we're loving the good in ourselves. In that sense its an honour to have had them in our lives - to experience something a lot of people don't.  It's just a shame that it has to come with so many caveats.

[Boss302]

I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for Thursday.

What threw me off the most was the sudden switch. One night, it was I love you. The next day it was "I'm keeping my options open, you and I aren't happening. Leave me alone you're annoying." Someone who contacted me and talked with me frequently just went cold and hasn't said a word to me.

How do I deal with the feeling of betrayal. All of it was so sudden

Yep, you got painted black. Welcome to the world of BPD significant others... . it's so special... .

Seriously, I think a good first step would be to accept that the issue here is her, not you. Yes, you probably did things that didn't help the relationship, but the main issue here seems to be her behavior, which is not acceptable. Accepting all this is easier said than done, of course, and it might take you a while to do that.

And secondly, if it's over, it's OVER. The odds are very good that she's going to come back around - this is a very common BPD behavior. And when she does, she'll know exactly how to push your buttons so that you take her back, at least until she decides to paint you black again. She'll argue, cajole and try to engage you emotionally. You'll feel the need to be polite and respond to her... . but you don't have to at all. She ended it, so you can leave it at that. There's nothing more to discuss.

You need to make the decision that it's OVER and unless there's some legal reason to speak with her (kids, shared property, etc), cut her off. Believe me, I wish I could do that with my BPDx, but we have kids together.

[Red Sky]

I also followed her on tumblr (another social media account) where she had reblogged pictures saying "I deserved better." Is this common as well? It's a major shot at me because I seriously tried. In reality I probably deserved better than this and the way it ended. Do borderlines really feel that way?

I'm not going to dispute the others. I'm glad you recognise that you deserved better, and I think that if you tried you shouldn't feel guilt - but that is the nature of what BPD does to an SO, makes them feel guilt.

My ex did totally the same thing on tumblr, only the phrase repeated over and over on her Tumblr was 'Everyone breaks promises and leaves'.

[Split black]

I agree with the way you feel. I have experienced exactly that from mine and also below this from my ex. The short honeymoon period ... .  was incredible. But my reality is the following. She has

A remarkable facility for lying and manipulation, particularly for sympathy and adulation, but also to enlist action from others that will further their personal objectives for revenge or retaliation.

   A propensity to make false allegations of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence.

   A near bottomless capacity for vengeance over the least, or even imagined, slights.

   A sadistic pleasure in causing unwarranted harm to others who are perceived to be enemies, or even those determined to not love them “enough.”

   The capacity to justify and rationalize any abusive behavior, no matter how extreme or how innocent the victim. No moral compass.

   The repetitive demand that others sympathize with them, even as they cause destruction in the lives of innocents.

   The distorted mindset that the abuse they inflict is not abuse, but that objecting to it or fighting back is abusive to them.

Any contact with a BPD leads to extremes - either it's "don't want to talk f*** off" or you can't get rid of them - literally, and any attempt to leave is classed as abandonment and you 'hating' them.

This is absolutely true with mine. AGAIN... . this morning asking me to get her something. What the heck?  I texted its a two way street... . she knew what I meant. She said ... . " I cant help you go fu*k ... . and brought up a name from my PAST. She KNOWS im addicted to her sex, and she still uses it as a hammer, even though shes with someone else. Her texts have escalated... . I never text her first, but I respond, sometimes. She wants me on the hook I think... . she always said her mother told her keep one, and one in your pocket and one on the hook. ( Some mother... . adopted, her real mother is big time BPD who put her up for adoption... they found each other... real mother asks for money from her all the time... . sick)   .  this is actually becoming so stupid its funny. I am working on non engagement... thank god Im moving in a month.

[learnandgrow]

I saw a therapist for the first time. He said if I'm a stage in my life where I can do it, run from her and never look back. He mentioned the hooks they dig into you, etc. the thing I found odd was he didn't think me finding another girl so soon was a bad idea. It's contrary to everything I've read here. Personally, I don't feel read to anyway but that stuck out to me.

And I agree with the previous poster on the intimacy. I might not miss her... . But I missed te crazy, ego boosting sex... . When it happened, anyway.

[christoff522]

Thank you all. Unfortunately, the "show" seems like it's already beginning. Originally blocked on social media, I'm now unblocked, clearly being referenced but not named, and seeing writing about how her day will be great... . All done at 4 in the morning when normal people are sleeping.

This was after I was contacted today and did not respond. Typical?

Lucky you. Im still being ignored after two months!

[BorisAcusio]

Thank you all. Unfortunately, the "show" seems like it's already beginning. Originally blocked on social media, I'm now unblocked, clearly being referenced but not named, and seeing writing about how her day will be great... . All done at 4 in the morning when normal people are sleeping.

This was after I was contacted today and did not respond. Typical?

Lucky you. Im still being ignored after two months!

Then you're the lucky one.

[learnandgrow]

Oh I'm ignored. Just passively attacked also.

Thank you all. Unfortunately, the "show" seems like it's already beginning. Originally blocked on social media, I'm now unblocked, clearly being referenced but not named, and seeing writing about how her day will be great... . All done at 4 in the morning when normal people are sleeping.

This was after I was contacted today and did not respond. Typical?

Lucky you. Im still being ignored after two months!

Then you're the lucky one.

[learnandgrow]

Hey all,

I just wanted to update you guys that might be going through the same thing. I had coffee with a normal female today with no expectations, not looking for anything or a rebound. It made me feel about 100 times better to sit down with someone new and unique. I was questioning if I should even meet her, my self esteem was low, I was nervous... . But I made myself do it. It helped put things into perspective.

I suggest anyone else dealing with this do the same. Meet someone new for the hell of it; it helped me realize how out of touch I was and how there are good people out there that will value your time and company.

[Panda39]

When I began reading this thread the first thing that I heard in your post was Grief!

I was not married to a BPD my current SO was but I was in an unhappy 20 year marriage with an alcoholic.  I was depressed and had isolated myself over time.  When I finally decided to leave I found that I had to experience and process a lot of grief... . leaving my marriage, and as weird as it sounds a very important relationship before my marriage that ended with my ex cheating and the death of my father.  I stuffed a lot of pain and never dealt with it so it surfaced.  I think in every relationship BPD or not there is an element of grief that you must walk through and heal from.

I believe therapy would be an excellent idea and keep coming here too.  You have lots of folks here that have been there that truly do understand the crazy and painful ins and outs of leaving a BPD.

I encourage you to get out and meet new people and hang out with friends.  I was lucky enough to have a great circle of friends at work that supported me and re-taught me how to be social and independent again. Do all the things you've been wanting to do but haven't.  I have to say for me leaving a bad marriage was like waking up from a 20 year sleep.  Your a little bit groggy when you first wake up but then things start clicking.

Everything will take time... . just take one step at a time. 

[christoff522]

Hey all,

I just wanted to update you guys that might be going through the same thing. I had coffee with a normal female today with no expectations, not looking for anything or a rebound. It made me feel about 100 times better to sit down with someone new and unique. I was questioning if I should even meet her, my self esteem was low, I was nervous... . But I made myself do it. It helped put things into perspective.

I suggest anyone else dealing with this do the same. Meet someone new for the hell of it; it helped me realize how out of touch I was and how there are good people out there that will value your time and company.

Yes meeting girls is great. The forum just promotes not meeting people til youve dealt with whatever issues is causing attraction to BPDs or to help you not inflict your PTSD on to a normal lover. But i think thats more for people whove been in decades long relationships. If you feel good about it good on you!

[learnandgrow]

So after not contacting her for 4 days and all of the social media posts directed at me, about "trying when it was too late," and despite supposedly having a new guy, I get a text late last night about how it's unfortunate "I" decided to try when it was "too late" and that I made her look bad in front of family and friends. (And FYI I was trying to save it before she found the supposed new suitor and I set up a boundary and she didn't think I'd enforce it and it made her look bad.)

Thoughts?

[Panda39]

She's trying to engage you. It's up to you whether or not you take the bait.  I wouldn't.

[BacknthSaddle]

I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for Thursday.

What threw me off the most was the sudden switch. One night, it was I love you. The next day it was "I'm keeping my options open, you and I aren't happening. Leave me alone you're annoying." Someone who contacted me and talked with me frequently just went cold and hasn't said a word to me.

How do I deal with the feeling of betrayal. All of it was so sudden

This happened to me almost verbatim.  Actually, I got "I love you in my soul" a week before the rest of it. 

Many people here have offered much of value.  Therapy, attention to self, allowing yourself to feel the pain, and likely "No Contact" can all be of value.  I will add that, whenever I feel the urge to contact my ex, I come here instead and read the stories of so many others, stories that are exactly like mine.  This serves as a reminder that my ex is disordered, and my life is likely to be much worse if I continue to allow disordered people to enter it. 

[Boss302]

Hey all,

I just wanted to update you guys that might be going through the same thing. I had coffee with a normal female today with no expectations, not looking for anything or a rebound. It made me feel about 100 times better to sit down with someone new and unique. I was questioning if I should even meet her, my self esteem was low, I was nervous... . But I made myself do it. It helped put things into perspective.

I suggest anyone else dealing with this do the same. Meet someone new for the hell of it; it helped me realize how out of touch I was and how there are good people out there that will value your time and company.

Yes meeting girls is great. The forum just promotes not meeting people til youve dealt with whatever issues is causing attraction to BPDs or to help you not inflict your PTSD on to a normal lover. But i think thats more for people whove been in decades long relationships. If you feel good about it good on you!

It worked for me, but as you say, I was in a long term relationship with my BPDx (18 years). However, emotionally, it was over for probably five or six years before I left her. I met my lady about three months after I left BPDx, and it'll be four very nice years come this August. We're not married, and probably won't be for quite some time, but she has been a better partner in every way - emotionally, sexually, you name it - to me than BPDx ever even dreamed of being.

[Boss302]

So after not contacting her for 4 days and all of the social media posts directed at me, about "trying when it was too late," and despite supposedly having a new guy, I get a text late last night about how it's unfortunate "I" decided to try when it was "too late" and that I made her look bad in front of family and friends. (And FYI I was trying to save it before she found the supposed new suitor and I set up a boundary and she didn't think I'd enforce it and it made her look bad.)

Thoughts?

On the grand list of things that truly are your problem, I'd say that how she "looks" to her family and friends ranks right up there with OJ Simpson not being able get a decent Italian meal in prison.

Is that a problem? Yes. Your problem? No.  

She's a big girl, and she's responsible for her own actions. You're off the hook when it comes to her.

[learnandgrow]

So she's still trying to reengage me (I'm guessing) by liking or favoriting things of mine on social media. She's not stupid and I think realized it would prompt me to look at her stuff... . and she's not only still talking to the new guy but has reengaged the ex before me on social media. And for whatever reason is trying to reengage me too.

Can anyone make sense of this? Breaking up with me, jumping to dates with the new guy, then reengaging the ex before me on social media. And very publicly trying to talk to all of us at the same time... . or at least those two while I stay far away. Is this a ploy to get to me or make me jealous? Or is she really crazy enough she can't decide what victim is next... .

[LostGhost]

I'm no expert as I'm knee deep in my own battlefield trying to navigate uncharted ground... . but if I had to guess? I'd say she's keeping her options open. Like shooting a shotgun out the back door... . bound to hit something, whether it be you, the ex before you or the new possibilities. She's seeking the next supply. Whoever takes the bait will undoubtedly suffer the consequences as we all have. Be careful and don't try to analyze her methods too much. It's a game we can only sit back and observe at a safe distance to protect our sanity. Don't become entangled my friend. I will more than likely be experiencing the same very soon and asking the same questions. I'm on day 23 of no contact so far. I fear the mind games are about to commence in the months ahead.

[christoff522]

So she's still trying to reengage me (I'm guessing) by liking or favoriting things of mine on social media. She's not stupid and I think realized it would prompt me to look at her stuff... . and she's not only still talking to the new guy but has reengaged the ex before me on social media. And for whatever reason is trying to reengage me too.

Can anyone make sense of this? Breaking up with me, jumping to dates with the new guy, then reengaging the ex before me on social media. And very publicly trying to talk to all of us at the same time... . or at least those two while I stay far away. Is this a ploy to get to me or make me jealous? Or is she really crazy enough she can't decide what victim is next... .

If needs be, deactivate your accounts, don't go on there. But the best thing to do is just delete her and block her. Notice how she's getting to you - social media! Every one has the facility to delete followers/friends.

But of course you could just simply deactivate your account. Then ask yourself why all this is bothering you, what do you want from her? Do you want to re-engage? or do you want to heal?

The reason she's re-engaging you is because she's lonely, she's testing the water to see who is most interested in her. Now whether she chooses the one least interested or most interested is unknown, depends whether she wants pain or pleasure atm.

[learnandgrow]

... . it never ends. A good friend of hers relapsed. The result? I get a text, as if I'm supposed to care, help, or talk to her about it. Why? She has two other guys in the wings but texts me? And why would she even expect an answer from me knowing that fact?

It really is all about them, all the time.