What do we want to do about it? What are some healthy solutions?
This is a good question PF Change!
My uBPD mom tended to be one of these talked about naggers or 'reminderers' as I shall label her for this topic. She 'reminded' me constantly of many things, including how bad my father was and how much I didn't understand or remember about their terrible marriage. One day after hearing this topic again for the millionth time, I turned to her and gently said (as I wanted to explode inside and outside and run away with my fingers in my ears), "Mom, for some reason you think I have not heard you. I heard you say that dad is bad and that I don't remember and how painful it was for you. How can I show you that I have heard you? What do you need from me?" She was so astonished that she stumbled over her words and said, "Well, I'll have to think about that." She rambled around and said some things, trying to fill the void. As she tried to think what to answer, it was apparent that she could not come up with a good answer. She wildly vacillated between going back into the old rut and teetering on the edge of a real answer. The conversation ended pretty soon thereafter, and I've never forgotten how that worked fairly well for me to achieve an escape for that moment.
Woolspinner
