Coincidence

[pari]

Mid of June I took a trip to a destination X with my sister. We spent 15 days trekking in mountains and it was a great therapy. During the trip, I thought about my ex a few times. (We both loved to travel, though I was the one planning and organizing every trip. I have some good memories those trips. ) At the airport, I kept anticipating to see him (that's where we first met). Even during the whole trip, I felt like he was around and we would bump into each other. I also felt that my anger towards him was transforming.

After I got back, I googled him (Yes, I know I keep doing that to check on him, to make sure he is alive. I don't understand what part of me gets satisfaction from doing this). I found out his pictures from the same place destination X where I traveled with my sister, from end of May. Such is life. This coincidence just left me amused and thankful that we didn't bump into each other. We were in the same area, few steps close but apart in time by few days. Roller costar ride took me back in time and made me extremely sad. I picked a movie 'Before Midnight' to change my mind and it didn't help. Brought more memories of glorified true love with BPDxbf. I spent more time drifting back in time.

Yesterday, I went to look for his pictures again. There was a picture of him where he looked happy (finally, Yey!). Then there was another picture of him which reminded me of him during rage. I felt like a little girl scared of a monster. I was almost in tears. It was a reminder of other side of his personality that I often overlook. That one picture was such an eye opener. I told myself that he doesn't deserve any more minute from my time. I affirmed myself that I will protect the little girl from the monster. I feel much better and in control this morning.

Just wanted to share this realization with my family who has supported me in this transformation. Big hug to all!