sad and angry

[missmyseester]

Last night my husband and I lost one of our cats just 2 months after losing another one. My BPsis always seemed fond of the one that passed last night. As a courtesy, I sent her a text (since she NEVER answers when I call) letting her know. She responds saying she's sorry to hear that and asked how it happened. I texted back asking to actually TALK. She (of course) says she is "seconds away from falling asleep". That is complete BS! She has been abusing prescription pain meds (for ailments she makes up/exaggerates) and can't ever talk because she is effed up! Anyone one of my friends or family would have talked even if they got awaken in the middle of the night! She is so selfish and lacks compassion! I don't know why I even bothered letting her know of the cat's passing. It just added a level of resentment to my sadness.

[missmyseester]

As everyone on these boards knows, often we are made to feel like the crazy one trying to figure out our BPD sibling, parent, etc. It is extra hard to share personal stuff on these boards, see that people "read" the post, then no one responds. It makes me feel even more frustrated.

I am not sure I want to leave any more posts. Reading other people's post will have to suffice... .

[ThrowAwayChild]

Hold on.  I have something to say.  Give me a second.

[ThrowAwayChild]

I don't check in often anymore.  I used to read these boards.  I believe they saved me lots of ways.

I was scanning the boards this evening and I saw your name... .MissMySeester.  I was feeling sad tonight about missing my seester.  The one I never really had.  Yes, she is alive but does the same as your sister... .doesn't really pursue any type of relationship beyond something quite superficial.  I keep trying though and every time I do I come away a little wounded, a little smarter, and lately, oddly a little less angry.  Not sure when that happened.  Probably when I really couldn't make excuses anymore for her and pretend she might come around and be my sis.  Acceptance I guess.  Resentment and sadness.  Bad combo.  I know it well.

[Youcantfoolme]

First off, I'd like to say sorry about your poor kitty. I know how hard it is to lose a pet. Secondly just want to say I can relate. My brother (who is a non) could be pretty selfish like that too. It's hurtful. Especially when you're always there when they are needed.  Going through a similar situation with him now because of his BPD wife. We've been estranged for about 9 months now. I've tried reaching out to him many different times and get nothing back. It's hurtful. I think it's hard for us to understand because we have compassion and empathy. I had a friend like that too. I'd answer every single one of her calls, even if it was 6am and when I needed her, she would never answer her phone. Sometimes I wonder if she has a personality disorder.

[methinkso]

Drugs aside, do you feel that your sister is basically hostile and she uses rejection to be hurtful? I have a whole family like that. I try to ook at it that it's their inadequacy not mine.

Hope you feel better soon. And please do keep posting. I see the board is slow ~ used to be much busier and I hope it picks up.

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

This may or may not be helpful.

I have learned that I can't have a lot of expectations with my BPD sister.   She is not someone capable of "giving" emotional support and I am only banging my own head against a wall for thinking she will change.     

My suggestion is stop expecting and call a friend for emotional support.

But I do understand your venting and feeling the way you do.  Sad and angry is typical - cause these people make us sad because they are not the sister we want them to be and "it is what it is".

[missmyseester]

Thank you so much for the replies everyone. I only recently began trying to change MYSELF in order to cope with my uBPDsis. It is very difficult to fully accept that "it is the way it is". Hindsight is certainly 20/20. It is so much easier to make sense of her PAST behaviors of BPD but I have yet to learn to accept 100% of her future behaviors. The NON in me seems to have the slightest hope that I'll "catch" her in one of her rare moments of "normal" (I do hate to say "normal" or " not normal" but just to get my point across). Even now, I am upset with her that she didn't reach out to me yesterday about my cat just passing away. It is another "last straw" with her and I have had many... .:-/