Does Silent Treatment Mean They Found a Replacement?

[Loveofhislife]

I have something that continues to nag at my healing mind. I am in my sixth week of sudden and unexplainable silent treatment: no breakup, no cheating (that I know of), and certainly no explanation. I receive texts from exbfBPD now and again that are more like, "I hope you are doing well." According to some materials in the resources FACTS section of bpdfamily, a sudden loss (like silent treatment from out of nowhere) frequently causes depression--it's like a sudden and inexplicable death. My question, as I try to make it make sense to me is, ":)o they always have a replacement for us, or are they always looking for one when they have gone silent? I don't know if I've been dumped or cheated on or replaced or if I'm just being punished for daring to ask him to pay back what he committed to pay me? So many posts lately have been regarding our replacements, and I don't even know if I have one?

[Popcorn71]

I didn't know about the replacement at first. But I did know he was acting strange and not as he usually did. I had a suspicion that there was another woman. Same feeling I had when my first husband left. I was right both times.

When they go silent I would put money on there being a replacement. They have to get what they want from somebody and if it isn't you there will be somebody else.

[workinprogress]

I have something that continues to nag at my healing mind. I am in my sixth week of sudden and unexplainable silent treatment: no breakup, no cheating (that I know of), and certainly no explanation. I receive texts from exbfBPD now and again that are more like, "I hope you are doing well." According to some materials in the resources FACTS section of bpdfamily, a sudden loss (like silent treatment from out of nowhere) frequently causes depression--it's like a sudden and inexplicable death. My question, as I try to make it make sense to me is, ":)o they always have a replacement for us, or are they always looking for one when they have gone silent? I don't know if I've been dumped or cheated on or replaced or if I'm just being punished for daring to ask him to pay back what he committed to pay me? So many posts lately have been regarding our replacements, and I don't even know if I have one?

Listen to what your gut is telling you.

[Bak86]

Not always. Mine is scared of men and a very anxious person anyway. She had a panic attack before our first date, so ill doubt she will find someone new soon.

[mitchell16]

i cant say for sure about all BPD but when mine went silent or had a I dont care attitude about our break up it was cause she had someone she was interested in. and when it didnt go as planned I could expect her to rev up the recycle. when she didnt have anybody, the midnight phone calls, begging, arguing etc... would be in full force. in 2012 break up she went silent pretty much for 5 weeks I attempted a recycle ( stupid)  I called her which I would very rarley do but she was cold as Ice. i felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. eventully we recycled. I found out that she was in the middle of trying to date someone when I called. Heres the kicker, on the day she reached out for me after 5 weeks the night before she called me she had been on  date with him and she rented a motel room. HMMMMM not sure what happened. she does live in another state and works in my state, her excuse was she had been at work, he called wanting to go out so she rented a room for the night so she didnt have to drive far that late night. who knows. But I do know duing that time frame, i received no calls from her, text or anything and when we did speak it like I was a total stranger to her.

[willtimeheal]

I feel they always have their own agenda and we nons are just a useable disposable piece. When mine goes silent you can bet there is somethinG up her sleeve. She will say she is "working on herself" but I have learned through the years that means she is searching out other possible replacements. She may not have one yet but she is searching.

[Take2]

I believe that there were times that my ex did go silent on me to go out on other dates (after painting me black as night).  But I also believe there were many times that he went silent after a rage at me simply to punish me.  He knows that it was THE most effective control method he had over me.  He never said that but it was pretty clear that once he saw how effective it was, he started doing it more often.  Either reason is pretty terrible... . 

[fred6]

Listen to what your gut is telling you.

^^^This, don't ignore the warning signs. My exBPD went silent from time to time for a day or two. But this final time she stayed silent, withdrawn, and avoidant, not to mention cutting off ALL sex or intimacy. I feel that these pwBPD get to a point where they don't care if they get caught or not. Depending on if they are a recycler or not will probably determine how discrete they are with their cheating. I'll probably never hear from my ex once I move out, so she didn't hide it all too well or care much.

Also, as willtimeheal pointed out. I also received that same nonsense, "I've got to work on myself, I can't be in a relationship right now, I don't want a relationship right now, it will be a long time before I can be in a relationship".

Translation: "I am a human mattress that goes from man to man(victim to victim) and I am also a coward that doesn't even have the courage to tell you the truth, goodbye".

[goldylamont]

Listen to what your gut is telling you.

Also, as willtimeheal pointed out. I also received that same nonsense, "I've got to work on myself, I can't be in a relationship right now, I don't want a relationship right now, it will be a long time before I can be in a relationship".

Translation: "I am a human mattress that goes from man to man(victim to victim) and I am also a coward that doesn't even have the courage to tell you the truth, goodbye".

this was pretty much the same for me. after our breakup, my ex told me on *two* different occasions about how she wanted to 'work on herself' and be 'single'--both times she was actively sleeping with or trying to sleep with other men. i think 'human mattress' sums it up well 

[Bellerphon]

I went through this often with my xBPDw, often or not she was dealing with depression or she was phasing.

[Loveofhislife]

Thanks to all for perspective--I tend to think he is more the depressive narcissist who slithers into his bat cave when he feels "uncomfortable." He SHOULD feel very uncomfortable as he utterly betrayed and abandoned the single soul on the planet who would care for him in his post-prison state. Most sane people would have run for the hills when he told them he was destitute and in federal probation after three years in prison. Not me. Nope, I wanted to believe how mistreated and misunderstood he was. Couple that naivity with means and connections, and he found his perfect sugar mama. How many people do you know who will take in and support to their detriment a convicted felon who heartlessly stole from people who trusted him? I DID! I believed him; I seriously doubt there are other women like me who will fall for his con game. Shame on me!

[hurting300]

Not all borderlines cheat, scream, cut themselves or whatever. They are not cut from the same cloth. My former girlfriend just went silent. And she was gone. Think back about your relationship, he gave you hints and patterns of his behavior. They all do that . I know my ex better than she knows herself. And guys we need to stop thinking BPD or narcissist or sociopath. Cluster b disorders are DIFFICULT distinguish between. Over lapping does happen in most cases. As for the silent treatment, well two can play at that game.

[Loveofhislife]

Dear Hurting300--I completely agree; he laid out a puzzle for one year. Of all the things he knows about me is that I was a chess player before I was in double digits of age, I think he believes I know what is going on in his head: he nearly cried when he heard me recite my drivers license and credit card numbers by heart. They are not all the same. He is not hyper sexual or a womanizer; but he is highly intelligent and manipulative. He probably would say the same about me. Difference is I am not cruel or punitive, but I believe there is a voice inside of him that says I am.

[hurting300]

Oh of course he blames you for everything, it's called projection. Nothing is ever is fault. He is a victim of circumstances . They are all victims. Let him pout and cry, everything a borderline does is a decision that's made instantly, because they can't plan ahead, or prepare for things. You'll be painted white soon.