Cords, Hooks and Drains

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This email was forwarded to me from a life coach friend who is aware that I am having some difficulty detaching from my BPD ex.  As I cannot presently afford therapy, I am wiling to use whatever tools that I can to work through the relationship and its end.  I am not a religious person, nor am I particularly spiritual, but I don't mind tapping into a spiritual side of myself if it helps me grow as a person.  I figure this is relevant to many of us here, and while it is likely not for everyone, it can still provide some help to anyone open to try it.  

Estell

www.seekingtheshift.com/cordshooksanddrains.htm

Cords

In this first section I will discuss what cords are. Some cords are loving and healthy between people, others are not. Cords are formed when we establish a relationship with another person. Understand, we do not form cords of attachment with everyone we come into contact with.

A cord is a mutual bond that is formed by a relationship as an energetic connection. This cord can be envisioned as a joining of two people at the navel by the cord. I also believe that a cord can run between other chakras locations such as heart and/or solar plexus. Much will depend on the type of relationship you have with this other person.

The cord can contain love and a soul-level bond between two people. In some instances the cord can change to include negative patterns and difficult dynamics of a relationship. There is nothing positive about this second type of attachment. Know that both parties contribute patterns within a cord.

Hooks

In unhealthy relationships a cord becomes a hook which is formed by one or both individuals.

Energy hooks typically evolve from emotional, social or structural levels. They can occur through the power of persuasion that appeals to the emotions of a particular person by the influence of emotion, perhaps even through a reward and punishment approach. As a result, fear or a type of servitude might filter through causing actions and reactions which are typically one sided.

Discernment is required on all levels of life so that we make our own choices to not be controlled and/or dependant on other humans that do not have our best interest at heart. Emotions play a large role in our lives. If we are not in touch with our inner self we are easily led by the tide of our emotions and get stuck in all sorts of confusing and destructive energy combinations.

Drains

A hook can then become a drain. A drain is just like it sounds, a source where energy is pulled away from one person and sucked up by the person on the opposite end of the cord. You may or may not understand why being in another’s presence constantly causes confusion, exhaustion or the making of poor choices. Know that I am not referring to the occasional meeting with another where the other person needs assistance for a brief period time. I am referring to a relationship that holds a prerequisite for the absorption of energies from the other person in a constant flow.

Here is a list of relationships that can have an impact on your overall well being:

*** Close relatives, such as parents, children or siblings.

*** Someone close to you who has an addiction. An addiction can be physical or mental.

*** Abusers and bullies, whether the abuse was emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical.

*** Someone with whom you’ve had a difficult break up.

*** Negative entities such as a ghost or trickster spirit

Cords that become hooks and drains don’t just deplete your energy, they send negative patterns back and forth between you both, and into your aura. Traumas can circulate in your energy field leaving you feeling haunted by the bond. They can also cause you to choose relationships and experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise select because they influence you to act in a certain way.

What happens when you cut a cord? When you cut a cord of attachment that has transmuted into a hook and drain, you are lifting out and removing the negative patterns that circulate between you and the other person.

Cutting a cord with another does not mean that you are being unkind or that they will disappear from your life. It does mean that you will free yourself from being exhausted by a destructive influence. If the person is still living, then your relationship can improve as a result. Your overall personal power and clarity will improve. Cords can also be cut from a person that has passed on.

Severing a negative cord can impact you in ways that are hard to imagine until it is removed. In my experiences with cord cutting, it’s as if you return to the way you were before that relationship impacted you, except you maintain the lesson of the experience.

How to Cut Cords

There are a numerous methods you can use to cut a negative cord. Yes, you can go to another person to do this for you but I am a firm believer in empowering yourself.

What follows is the method I have used and have found to be successful. My intent is to share with you the tools to effectively disengage yourself from a negative influence. As I sometimes say: Here is your candle and here are your matches. Now, it is up to you to light your candle and find your personal light.

I feel that performing a cord cutting ceremony is helped by choosing either the energy of the full moon or the waning moon as these are productive times for releasing energies or situation.

I begin by taking time to write out my intents. When you take the occasion and create the objective, you give energy to your goal. Don’t be in hurry nor short yourself the time needed for expressing your emotions regarding the cord.

First, write about that which you desire to release. Express why you wish to do this and use as much detail as you can. You want to purge the negative emotions. Perhaps you are angry, sad or disappointed by this person or spirit. Maybe their energy disrupts your thoughts constantly.

This part is about letting it all out. Cry if you need to, cuss like a sailor or what ever it is that helps you bring up and express the embedded emotions. As you write try to bring up everything. This is your cleansing and you want to the best results. I also recommend that you try to refrain from using words like can’t, won’t or don’t. The Universe seems to misunderstand meaning of these words.

For instance you might find yourself saying or writing, I don’t want to be a victim. Change your use of words, for words have energy of their own. Perhaps rephrase the words to, I am now free from being a victim. If you find you have used the can’t, won’t or don’t words scratch out or erase the sentence and recreate it.

For part two you begin a different process. You write about that which you are grateful for. Yes, grateful for. Such as the lessons that you have now learned from this energetic relationship. You have learned to stand firm, to stand up for your self or your beliefs, that you now have the ability to see life in a new way, or learned to be self confident. In some form or fashion you have learned something that makes you stronger and that you love yourself all the more for having learned about your self value.

Too many people forget that the stronger you are for yourself the stronger you can be for others. Strengthen yourself for the highest good of yourself first and foremost. In simple terms we must nourish ourselves first. If we allow our own strength to be depleted then how can we hope to shine our personal light. Sometimes we assist others more by showing them how to assist ourselves. Be an example, not a victim.

The final portion of your writing is about expressing what you now desire to bring into your life. The importance of this section is that once you remove something negative from your life you want to refill that space with something beautiful and bright. Empty space merely leaves us open for anything to come in a replace the negative. Be specific. What do you wish for? A loving partner that understands mutual respect. Friends that are addiction free. People of like minds and positive energy to spend time with and grow with. Now is the time to create your future.

Now you have your platform designed: That which you will release, that which you are grateful for and have learned from, and that which you will now bring into your life. The next step is to find a safe place and burn that which you have written. When possible I like to go outside at night and release the words. Though it is not necessary I like to wrap the paper loosely with a few leaves of white sage for additional cleansing. The paper burns easier if it is not rolled too tight. As the paper burns I ask Divine Source and the Universe to embrace these words and assist me in creating this new reality with me.

The final step is to cleanse yourself. Once again this method is a suggestion and flexible. You may need or wish to change this portion to suit your needs or location.

After sending my words up to the Universe I treat myself to a long thorough shower. While the water runs over me I call in the energy of Archangel Michael. Worry not that you are bare in the shower. You are baring your heart, mind and soul, so baring the body is just a part of the process.

Archangel Michael is pictured as holding a beautiful, fiery sword of divine light. The blade is as light in weight as it is sharp. Ask if you may borrow his sword to cut away all unneeded cords and negativity in your life. Imagine if you will, that with Archangel Michael’s sword you are now empowered and cut away the cord(s). With his sword in hand, cut the cords just inches from your physical body in all directions, front and back, side to side, above your head and below your feet. There is nowhere that the sword cannot reach to cut. As you cut the cord(s) send them back to the owner with love and light. This is done in a positive manner. When the cord is returned to it’s owner it is up to them what they do with the energy. You can wish them well if it pleases you or at the very least be neutral about how the owner will respond to their energy returning to them.

The final phase is to now physically wash yourself. Starting with your head and working your way down to the soles of your feet soap up and rinse away the residue. This action now finishes the process. All dust, dross and debris is now removed from you with your own assistance.

Wishing you love light and success in your endeavor. Now that you have cut and cleared the cords, remember to bubble up to keep any new cords from attaching to your beautiful new energy.

[maternal]

This email was forwarded to me from a life coach friend who is aware that I am having some difficulty detaching from my BPD ex.  As I cannot presently afford therapy, I am wiling to use whatever tools that I can to work through the relationship and its end.  I am not a religious person, nor am I particularly spiritual, but I don't mind tapping into a spiritual side of myself if it helps me grow as a person.  I figure this is relevant to many of us here, and while it is likely not for everyone, it can still provide some help to anyone open to try it.  

Estell

www.seekingtheshift.com/cordshooksanddrains.htm

Cords

In this first section I will discuss what cords are. Some cords are loving and healthy between people, others are not. Cords are formed when we establish a relationship with another person. Understand, we do not form cords of attachment with everyone we come into contact with.

A cord is a mutual bond that is formed by a relationship as an energetic connection. This cord can be envisioned as a joining of two people at the navel by the cord. I also believe that a cord can run between other chakras locations such as heart and/or solar plexus. Much will depend on the type of relationship you have with this other person.

The cord can contain love and a soul-level bond between two people. In some instances the cord can change to include negative patterns and difficult dynamics of a relationship. There is nothing positive about this second type of attachment. Know that both parties contribute patterns within a cord.

Hooks

In unhealthy relationships a cord becomes a hook which is formed by one or both individuals.

Energy hooks typically evolve from emotional, social or structural levels. They can occur through the power of persuasion that appeals to the emotions of a particular person by the influence of emotion, perhaps even through a reward and punishment approach. As a result, fear or a type of servitude might filter through causing actions and reactions which are typically one sided.

Discernment is required on all levels of life so that we make our own choices to not be controlled and/or dependant on other humans that do not have our best interest at heart. Emotions play a large role in our lives. If we are not in touch with our inner self we are easily led by the tide of our emotions and get stuck in all sorts of confusing and destructive energy combinations.

Drains

A hook can then become a drain. A drain is just like it sounds, a source where energy is pulled away from one person and sucked up by the person on the opposite end of the cord. You may or may not understand why being in another’s presence constantly causes confusion, exhaustion or the making of poor choices. Know that I am not referring to the occasional meeting with another where the other person needs assistance for a brief period time. I am referring to a relationship that holds a prerequisite for the absorption of energies from the other person in a constant flow.

Here is a list of relationships that can have an impact on your overall well being:

*** Close relatives, such as parents, children or siblings.

*** Someone close to you who has an addiction. An addiction can be physical or mental.

*** Abusers and bullies, whether the abuse was emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical.

*** Someone with whom you’ve had a difficult break up.

*** Negative entities such as a ghost or trickster spirit

Cords that become hooks and drains don’t just deplete your energy, they send negative patterns back and forth between you both, and into your aura. Traumas can circulate in your energy field leaving you feeling haunted by the bond. They can also cause you to choose relationships and experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise select because they influence you to act in a certain way.

What happens when you cut a cord? When you cut a cord of attachment that has transmuted into a hook and drain, you are lifting out and removing the negative patterns that circulate between you and the other person.

Cutting a cord with another does not mean that you are being unkind or that they will disappear from your life. It does mean that you will free yourself from being exhausted by a destructive influence. If the person is still living, then your relationship can improve as a result. Your overall personal power and clarity will improve. Cords can also be cut from a person that has passed on.

Severing a negative cord can impact you in ways that are hard to imagine until it is removed. In my experiences with cord cutting, it’s as if you return to the way you were before that relationship impacted you, except you maintain the lesson of the experience.

How to Cut Cords

There are a numerous methods you can use to cut a negative cord. Yes, you can go to another person to do this for you but I am a firm believer in empowering yourself.

What follows is the method I have used and have found to be successful. My intent is to share with you the tools to effectively disengage yourself from a negative influence. As I sometimes say: Here is your candle and here are your matches. Now, it is up to you to light your candle and find your personal light.

I feel that performing a cord cutting ceremony is helped by choosing either the energy of the full moon or the waning moon as these are productive times for releasing energies or situation.

I begin by taking time to write out my intents. When you take the occasion and create the objective, you give energy to your goal. Don’t be in hurry nor short yourself the time needed for expressing your emotions regarding the cord.

First, write about that which you desire to release. Express why you wish to do this and use as much detail as you can. You want to purge the negative emotions. Perhaps you are angry, sad or disappointed by this person or spirit. Maybe their energy disrupts your thoughts constantly.

This part is about letting it all out. Cry if you need to, cuss like a sailor or what ever it is that helps you bring up and express the embedded emotions. As you write try to bring up everything. This is your cleansing and you want to the best results. I also recommend that you try to refrain from using words like can’t, won’t or don’t. The Universe seems to misunderstand meaning of these words.

For instance you might find yourself saying or writing, I don’t want to be a victim. Change your use of words, for words have energy of their own. Perhaps rephrase the words to, I am now free from being a victim. If you find you have used the can’t, won’t or don’t words scratch out or erase the sentence and recreate it.

For part two you begin a different process. You write about that which you are grateful for. Yes, grateful for. Such as the lessons that you have now learned from this energetic relationship. You have learned to stand firm, to stand up for your self or your beliefs, that you now have the ability to see life in a new way, or learned to be self confident. In some form or fashion you have learned something that makes you stronger and that you love yourself all the more for having learned about your self value.

Too many people forget that the stronger you are for yourself the stronger you can be for others. Strengthen yourself for the highest good of yourself first and foremost. In simple terms we must nourish ourselves first. If we allow our own strength to be depleted then how can we hope to shine our personal light. Sometimes we assist others more by showing them how to assist ourselves. Be an example, not a victim.

The final portion of your writing is about expressing what you now desire to bring into your life. The importance of this section is that once you remove something negative from your life you want to refill that space with something beautiful and bright. Empty space merely leaves us open for anything to come in a replace the negative. Be specific. What do you wish for? A loving partner that understands mutual respect. Friends that are addiction free. People of like minds and positive energy to spend time with and grow with. Now is the time to create your future.

Now you have your platform designed: That which you will release, that which you are grateful for and have learned from, and that which you will now bring into your life. The next step is to find a safe place and burn that which you have written. When possible I like to go outside at night and release the words. Though it is not necessary I like to wrap the paper loosely with a few leaves of white sage for additional cleansing. The paper burns easier if it is not rolled too tight. As the paper burns I ask Divine Source and the Universe to embrace these words and assist me in creating this new reality with me.

The final step is to cleanse yourself. Once again this method is a suggestion and flexible. You may need or wish to change this portion to suit your needs or location.

After sending my words up to the Universe I treat myself to a long thorough shower. While the water runs over me I call in the energy of Archangel Michael. Worry not that you are bare in the shower. You are baring your heart, mind and soul, so baring the body is just a part of the process.

Archangel Michael is pictured as holding a beautiful, fiery sword of divine light. The blade is as light in weight as it is sharp. Ask if you may borrow his sword to cut away all unneeded cords and negativity in your life. Imagine if you will, that with Archangel Michael’s sword you are now empowered and cut away the cord(s). With his sword in hand, cut the cords just inches from your physical body in all directions, front and back, side to side, above your head and below your feet. There is nowhere that the sword cannot reach to cut. As you cut the cord(s) send them back to the owner with love and light. This is done in a positive manner. When the cord is returned to it’s owner it is up to them what they do with the energy. You can wish them well if it pleases you or at the very least be neutral about how the owner will respond to their energy returning to them.

The final phase is to now physically wash yourself. Starting with your head and working your way down to the soles of your feet soap up and rinse away the residue. This action now finishes the process. All dust, dross and debris is now removed from you with your own assistance.

Wishing you love light and success in your endeavor. Now that you have cut and cleared the cords, remember to bubble up to keep any new cords from attaching to your beautiful new energy.