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Author Topic: What was the worst/nastiest thing your ex said?  (Read 5053 times)
thereishope
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« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2014, 10:06:51 AM »

Hi Caramel,

reading your post gave me that anxious, painful feeling I get when I think about the horrible things my ex said and did. He didn't do/say the exact things you described, but it still sounds exactly like him. His BPD traits were often triggered by sex and intimacy.

See my post above. How he said he couldn't look at my ugly face. He was often brutal and selfish during sex, but in subtle ways, if that makes any sense.

But then there were times when he would sincerely, lovingly stare into my eyes and hold me close during sex and make the intimacy feel like I always wanted it to feel and rarely have with others... .Or he would watch me get ready for work in the morning, and say in unsolicited admiration: "you are so beautiful"

It helps to remember those horrible things they said, and it helps with staying away. Yet I do not want to forget the really wonderful moments and the nice things he said, because - at the time - I believe they were genuine, and if it wasn't for those moments and words, I would think I am completely crazy myself for ever having been with that person.

I can also relate with the whole feeling of Caramels post, and I could have written your words myself, Amigo.  Still here... .feeling like I don't want to be on the one hand (the stronger feeling), and brainwashed on the other hand in some strange warped way that his efforts and provisions towards me and my kids (not his thankfully) are somehow good?  Reading and reading and trying to make the truths I'm reading sink in to the point that I'm convinced in my own situation... .doesn't help that we have been in a period of relative calm for about a week...
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« Reply #31 on: July 24, 2014, 10:24:48 AM »

I don't know how I would rank them, and I'm sure I've forgotten some things, but here are a few:

"You're not a man."

"No woman would ever want you."

"If you had an accident and were stuck in a wheelchair, I would still love you but because you wouldn't be able to give me the sex I need I would have to leave you.  Sorry, just being honest about who I am."

"You don't know how to handle real life."

"I've never had this problem with any other guy I've ever been with (it's just you)" (as she laid into me about my sexual performance during the first few months of our marriage, after kicking me in the shins)

(years later, while cheating on me with another man but 'deciding' what she wants to do) "Now that you know how to F--K, I might have to keep you around."

Notice, none of these involved name-calling.  I can handle being called a "loser" or a "F@#$ing A-hole".  These were plain, calm statements.  That said, I would be representing her inaccurately if I gave the impression that her most hurtful traits came from her mouth.  Her attitudes and actions pretty much take the cake on that.  And that is what she'll never get.
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« Reply #32 on: July 24, 2014, 10:34:43 AM »

I don't know how I would rank them, and I'm sure I've forgotten some things, but here are a few:

"You're not a man."

"No woman would ever want you."

"If you had an accident and were stuck in a wheelchair, I would still love you but because you wouldn't be able to give me the sex I need I would have to leave you.  Sorry, just being honest about who I am."

"You don't know how to handle real life."

"I've never had this problem with any other guy I've ever been with (it's just you)" (as she laid into me about my sexual performance during the first few months of our marriage, after kicking me in the shins)

(years later, while cheating on me with another man but 'deciding' what she wants to do) "Now that you know how to F--K, I might have to keep you around."

Notice, none of these involved name-calling.  I can handle being called a "loser" or a "F@#$ing A-hole".  These were plain, calm statements.  That said, I would be representing her inaccurately if I gave the impression that her most hurtful traits came from her mouth.  Her attitudes and actions pretty much take the cake on that.  And that is what she'll never get.

Yup, this rings true for me as well. It's not about the words, particularly, it's the ACTIONS that sting the most.
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« Reply #33 on: July 24, 2014, 10:37:12 AM »

I have to say, this thread has been very helpful, just seeing that others have experienced this kind of pathological criticism and that it relates so directly to the disorder.  I remind myself of these kind of things whenever I start to question whether my ex has the disorder or is even unhealthy.  I found it so bizarre the first time she said to me "The way you're being right now you're not very attractive."  I didn't think that I still had to fight for the attraction of a woman who "loved me more than she ever knew it was possible to love someone" and for whom I was "the sexiest person she's ever been with."  I'd never been a long-term r/s with someone who said something like that, but still I assumed the problem was with me.  
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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #34 on: July 24, 2014, 10:42:45 AM »

Aside from the put-downs and constant criticism, actions often involved taking control of things I'm doing... .

Such as parenting the kids... .by undermining my authority right in front of them, treating me like I don't know what I'm doing (which made me feel incompetent and like I needed her guidance, which I resented).  The irony is that I am 100 times closer to them than she will ever be because I gave them me, while she was busy sleeping all day or playing with herself on the phone with her new man-loser.

Such as cleaning the house... .although I did 95% of everything for years, it was never enough.  She could do a better job.  And about once a month or ever 2 months she would snap and go on a yelling and cleaning rampage, just to show me and all of us how it's really done.

Oh, so many more examples... .so little time to write them all down.
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #35 on: July 24, 2014, 10:52:05 AM »

I have to say, this thread has been very helpful, just seeing that others have experienced this kind of pathological criticism and that it relates so directly to the disorder.  I remind myself of these kind of things whenever I start to question whether my ex has the disorder or is even unhealthy.  I found it so bizarre the first time she said to me "The way you're being right now you're not very attractive."  I didn't think that I still had to fight for the attraction of a woman who "loved me more than she ever knew it was possible to love someone" and for whom I was "the sexiest person she's ever been with."  I'd never been a long-term r/s with someone who said something like that, but still I assumed the problem was with me.  

Yep, navigating these relationships is like emotional Whack-A-Mole, and I too instantly went to looking to what I might have done to cause the latest direction the chaos took.  But you know what?  With most people, when there's an emotional rift, it eventually gets discussed, because both people feel the discomfort and want to resolve it.  I came to understand that situations like that didn't make her feel any more uncomfortable than usual, just the normal chaos, and I couldn't deal, in fact I gotta go.
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« Reply #36 on: July 24, 2014, 11:16:00 AM »

The Systematic usage of "ugh what are you doing? Just stop it you can't do anything right" with that damn smirk
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thereishope
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« Reply #37 on: July 24, 2014, 11:20:41 AM »

Aside from the put-downs and constant criticism, actions often involved taking control of things I'm doing... .

Such as parenting the kids... .by undermining my authority right in front of them, treating me like I don't know what I'm doing (which made me feel incompetent and like I needed her guidance, which I resented).  The irony is that I am 100 times closer to them than she will ever be because I gave them me, while she was busy sleeping all day or playing with herself on the phone with her new man-loser.

Such as cleaning the house... .although I did 95% of everything for years, it was never enough.  She could do a better job.  And about once a month or ever 2 months she would snap and go on a yelling and cleaning rampage, just to show me and all of us how it's really done.

Oh, so many more examples... .so little time to write them all down.

I can relate... .Feel like a child who never knew how to do anything before uBPDh came along.  Apparently he knows how to do things, so he has the ability/authority to instruct me properly on everything as we go... .One time he stormed into the bathroom and started cleaning it... .I told him I could take care of it but he only got angrier in response... .later he ranted about how I wasn't taking care of things around the house... .I really have tried... .The other day, there were a few dishes drying in the dish rack... .and he blurted out, "What do you even do around here?  There is ALWAYS dishes in the rack or a sink full of dishes when I came home"... .This was a day or two after I MADE SURE the sink and rack were EMPTY so he would be pleased... .

Any my kids... .he SAYS he wants THEM to RESPECT me... .(but acts disrespectful to me himself, AND underminds my authority with them often too... .He buys them things and does nice things for them, and often instructs me very firmly on what to do with them/how to mother them... .funny I did fine with them before he was around... .Smiling (click to insert in post) and their favorite week was when I ran away to my parents out of state... .their words, "we actually did things together then... ."  I definitely feel like myself/a different person when we are away from him... .
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thereishope
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« Reply #38 on: July 24, 2014, 11:22:21 AM »

I have to say, this thread has been very helpful, just seeing that others have experienced this kind of pathological criticism and that it relates so directly to the disorder.   

Yep, navigating these relationships is like emotional Whack-A-Mole,

This comment made me LOL!... .BUT OH SO ACCURATE!   Smiling (click to insert in post)

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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #39 on: July 24, 2014, 11:23:26 AM »

Yes, it was a constant assault on my self-image.  I was constantly put "on the block", weighed, and found wanting... .except in the rare moments when I was running around like a good little puppy dog and she decided to throw me a bone and say "good boy!"
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« Reply #40 on: July 24, 2014, 11:31:51 AM »

You are not a man.

Nobody will want to have sex with you.

Better not to see penis in my life than to sleep again with you.

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thereishope
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« Reply #41 on: July 24, 2014, 11:34:39 AM »

Yes, it was a constant assault on my self-image.  I was constantly put "on the block", weighed, and found wanting... .except in the rare moments when I was running around like a good little puppy dog and she decided to throw me a bone and say "good boy!"

Exactly... .
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goldylamont
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« Reply #42 on: July 24, 2014, 02:26:59 PM »

I will agree with some others that it wasn't my ex's words that affected me the most. It was suttle actions. I actually had to think hard to find something she said that hurt while she was outwardly mad. The things she did while smiling in my face were much more painful though. Such as showing off gifts her new bf got her saying how much he loved her, and her leaving it on the nightstand for days so it was the first thing I saw when I woke up. Or smiling while she telegraphed they were having sex telling me without me asking "its just so weird discovering another man's body after being with the same person for so long", then smile and walk away. Most hurtful in the r/s would be when she would say something critical or initiate an argument, then when I would try my best to respond respectfully to her she'd be typing text messages or be on facebook giggling at things, obviously trying to show me she could care less about my feelings or the fact that I was trying hard to be nice.

At the end of the day what's important is to remember our own emotions during these times so that if it occurs with anyone else in the future we can put a stop to it immediately. Sure, if someone is raving mad it's easy to see emotional abuse but it sounds like many of us here were  even more hurt by the suttel and deceitful behaviors.

As an example a few months ago I was dating a girl. After the third or fourth date she started complaining to me about my behavior the previous time we had hung out. She never said anything while we were together though. But over the phone her sudden devaluation was clear. She wasn't agitated at all, quite calm how she said things, but I could just feel the devaluation. And I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. So I never contacted her again. I had a healthy gf who would bring up things she was unhappy about but it was always with a modicum of respect. Sure we might disagree or be a bit frustrated but there was never a feeling of her trying to devalue me in deceitful ways. So the lesson is to identify this trait in people and be willing to walk away from anyone who makes you feel like this. Once you trust your own instincts its all the evidence you need to recognize emotional abuse.
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« Reply #43 on: July 24, 2014, 02:56:33 PM »

"You should have jumped off that bridge" - after I came back from a jog.

"There is no way I would ever have a child with you" - after 14 years together.
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raytamtay3
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« Reply #44 on: July 24, 2014, 03:07:55 PM »

Let's see - The ones that stick out "white trash skank" and a "___".  The ladder of which he said he could not understand why that word bothered me so much... . He also told me when he left me a voice mail message when I left hime, "I love you you ___ing pig". Classic... .

Oh and when i was in the hospital after a stroke, he first asked if I wanted company. After finding out I had to have my now husband, then b/f, go pick up our son from daycare, he said "you think you had stress before and that's what gave you your stroke, just wait".
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raytamtay3
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« Reply #45 on: July 24, 2014, 03:10:35 PM »

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« Reply #46 on: July 24, 2014, 03:52:53 PM »

When asked why, she was behaving so cruelly: 'I'm trying to kill in you, what's already dead in me'. In all fairness to the girl, she did succeed. Sloppy technique, mind.
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« Reply #47 on: July 24, 2014, 04:16:48 PM »

When asked why, she was behaving so cruelly: 'I'm trying to kill in you, what's already dead in me'. In all fairness to the girl, she did succeed. Sloppy technique, mind.

While mine never said this it is truly how feel about that stage in the interaction with her.  I really feel like I understand her now because of it also.
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« Reply #48 on: July 24, 2014, 05:09:53 PM »

To tell the truth... .my ex never really said anything mean to me. I've looked back and reflected as much as I can to try and recall something but I came up with nothing. She did mean things like hot/cold, silent treatment, treating random people with extreme kindness while being cold to me... .all if which definitely hurt. But I don't remember her name calling, making fun of my appearance, size of my penis or any of these awful things.

Does that mean my ex wasn't really BPD? Is it possible for that mean streak to be absent but still be BPD? 
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« Reply #49 on: July 24, 2014, 05:25:23 PM »

To tell the truth... .my ex never really said anything mean to me. I've looked back and reflected as much as I can to try and recall something but I came up with nothing. She did mean things like hot/cold, silent treatment, treating random people with extreme kindness while being cold to me... .all if which definitely hurt. But I don't remember her name calling, making fun of my appearance, size of my penis or any of these awful things.

Does that mean my ex wasn't really BPD? Is it possible for that mean streak to be absent but still be BPD? 

Often the most hurtful things my ex did was the little actions she did to undermine my confidence then act like she didn't know what I was talking about when I confronted her. A sigh or body language and them am action to undermine me somehow and when she saw me in pain a sadistic smirk.  It's not the words it's the communication through their actions that hurt so much.  The effect it has is to think it may be all in your head and you are the problem.  It becomes internalized and is one of the most insidious forms of abuse because it is so covert in nature it is hard to defend against and over time it wears you down to nothing
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goldylamont
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« Reply #50 on: July 24, 2014, 05:57:40 PM »

Often the most hurtful things my ex did was the little actions she did to undermine my confidence then act like she didn't know what I was talking about when I confronted her. A sigh or body language and them am action to undermine me somehow and when she saw me in pain a sadistic smirk.  It's not the words it's the communication through their actions that hurt so much.  The effect it has is to think it may be all in your head and you are the problem.  It becomes internalized and is one of the most insidious forms of abuse because it is so covert in nature it is hard to defend against and over time it wears you down to nothing

exactly. covert abuse is abuse just the same. my ex rarely "raged", maybe only 2 or 3 times i can remember in 4 years--and these aren't really the times where i was most hurt. if you read my post above LostGhost you will see how my experience i similar to both yours and Blimblam. your ex was just 'smarter' and more covert with her abuse.
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« Reply #51 on: July 24, 2014, 06:31:23 PM »

Yes, the nasty things said. Who talks this way?

"I prayed for you to die last night"

"F-U you bald, fat short d-ck mf'er"

"You're a horrible husband and a ___ty ass father"

"You are the lowest form of a human being on the planet".

"Man-up you pussy, you're weak".

"What is wrong with you, were you molested as a child? Something terrible must have happened to you, you are seriously f'd up".

Many, many more, I've been married to her for 21 years. On my way out now that daughter is gone.

I identify so well all the passive aggressive things as well as the double binds. Always set up to fail, no win situations. Can't ever do anything right. Took the trash out wrong last week. What the heck?
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« Reply #52 on: July 24, 2014, 06:32:52 PM »

There were so many:

The worst were derogatory comments about my physical appearance.

She humiliated and abused me sexually,

She said sick things about my deceased wife.

She goaded me about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child.

Vile and unacceptable.
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« Reply #53 on: July 24, 2014, 06:45:06 PM »

Often the most hurtful things my ex did was the little actions she did to undermine my confidence then act like she didn't know what I was talking about when I confronted her. A sigh or body language and them am action to undermine me somehow and when she saw me in pain a sadistic smirk.  It's not the words it's the communication through their actions that hurt so much.  The effect it has is to think it may be all in your head and you are the problem.  It becomes internalized and is one of the most insidious forms of abuse because it is so covert in nature it is hard to defend against and over time it wears you down to nothing

exactly. covert abuse is abuse just the same. my ex rarely "raged", maybe only 2 or 3 times i can remember in 4 years--and these aren't really the times where i was most hurt. if you read my post above LostGhost you will see how my experience i similar to both yours and Blimblam. your ex was just 'smarter' and more covert with her abuse.

I read your post goldy and it is right on point. 

The covert abuse in my case conditioned me over time so that it appeared to people around me that I was the problem too. She could be full on abusing me in front of people subtly and present it as a mask of being a good person if we were in a group setting. The people around observing it would side with her and I would lie to myself thinking I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I was being paranoid. This is an aspect of the narcissism I have been ranting about lately. I would lie to myself that it didn't bother me as much as it did and repress as much of the pain as I could. 
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thereishope
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« Reply #54 on: July 24, 2014, 08:04:15 PM »

I would lie to myself that it didn't bother me as much as it did and repress as much of the pain as I could. 

I think I have done this as well.
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« Reply #55 on: July 24, 2014, 08:18:12 PM »

she blindsided me and we met only twice since but one of those times i told her how destroyed i was by her lying, and she looked at me evenly and shrugged. that was the lowest thing she "said".
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« Reply #56 on: July 24, 2014, 08:34:11 PM »

I must be blind or just not intelligent enough to have seen the covert abuse. These things you are all relaying are awful. I would not say them to my worst enemy and BPD or not I can't imagine my ex saying them to me either. Yes she was hot/cold and emotionally abusive that way. Yes she abandoned me without remorse and was back with her ex the next day. Yes she gave me silent treatment. But after gathering intel from mutual friends, even they say she hasn't said a single negative thing about me in the aftermath. I know for a fact I was painted black but... .I guess she couldn't bring herself to bad mouth me? I don't understand that. Everything I've read has led me to believe she'd tear me to pieces without mercy but so far it hasn't happened. I still have her family on Facebook, siblings, cousins and the few friends she has amidst her many acquaintances. They haven't blocked me or deleted me yet.

Do I have a "nice" ex with BPD? The posts I'm reading here are awful... .verbal abuse that could destroy a person.

Maybe she was just more covert. I do remember the little smirks and the twinkle in her eye when she did something hurtful, almost saying, "Oh... .poor thing, did that hurt... .? Good!"

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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #57 on: July 24, 2014, 09:23:30 PM »

Reading all these posts it's apparent once again how lonely it must be to have that disorder.  Sure, a borderline knows what effect their actions have on people, by trial and error, but they really don't have the ability to connect with other humans on an adult level.  And sure, it seems malicious, but people in any kind of extreme pain will do things that seem malicious, kind of a sharing of pain.  How bout we just decide to be grateful that we do have the ability to empathize and connect with other humans, leave the borderlines to their chaos, and get on with living all the way.
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« Reply #58 on: July 24, 2014, 10:28:53 PM »

My ex is very unhappy because she knows how she drives people away.

I've heard her go on about how much she hates herself, how nobody can love her, how she is broken ... .

All of which she has also said about me, loudly.

And then turned around and denied saying, or said that I misunderstood what she was saying. How can a person misinterpret, "I hate you - leave", "You are not a man." "You are going to F* your friends and total strangers." and things along those lines ... .?

What really got to me was the denial things like that were said.

It really messed with my head.

Much of what was written in this thread was also communicated to me at one point or another, including some of the odd emotional trickery where upon responding, I'd be the 'enemy.'

Today was my birthday, and she reached out and told me how much she loves me and still makes plans for me to be in her future and create a life together.
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« Reply #59 on: July 25, 2014, 07:08:37 AM »

"I've had to put up with 1 (then 2, then 3, then +1 every year until 25!) years of HELL being married to you".

That was her favourite and every time, I would just shake my head in disbelief that going through hell, didn't even scratch the surface of what living with her rages was like for me.

Well, she's on her own now and I think she's finding it hard not having a regular punch bag to rage at! 
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