He got a DUI using an alias years ago and I never knew?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello there.  I literally have felt like I'm losing my mind since reading in a dcf report that my exUBPDH received a DUI 10 years ago during our marriage that I knew nothing about?  He used an alias I've never heard of.  I'm just floored and it leaves me wondering just who the hell I was married to anyway?  Anybody else found criminal type background info on the ex after divorce?

[blue_skies_ahead]

Hello there.  I literally have felt like I'm losing my mind since reading in a dcf report that my exUBPDH received a DUI 10 years ago during our marriage that I knew nothing about?  He used an alias I've never heard of.  I'm just floored and it leaves me wondering just who the hell I was married to anyway?  Anybody else found criminal type background info on the ex after divorce?

[MommaBear]

My xhwBPD recently shared with me some information about his past relationships. He's very nearly been arrested several times for "incidents" with exgfs, but his family and all their wealth made everything go away. No therapy, no consequences, just quiet, magical fairies came along with whatever influence and made sure he never saw the inside of a courtroom or a jail cell.

Floored me to find out, but at the same time, I wasn't surprised. I think I was more shocked that I didn't know the details for so many years.

[blue_skies_ahead]

Mommabear, mine has a mother that's the same way.  My exM.I.L.D.E.W. missed her calling with the NSA.  She has so many skeletons locked down so tight in her closet that the door is bulging!  LOL. She still uses her magic eraser on her darling son's bad behavior and I highly believe she played a part in deceiving me all this time to cover up what I think was a drug addiction.  I used to wonder a lot about how anyone but someone on drugs would act the way he did or do the things he'd do.  Now I know I wasn't far away from the truth.  People, trust your instincts ... .

I wish I understood why this is bothering me as much as it is?   I guess nobody likes to be deceived ... .but the deception was so thorough ... .I think maybe that's what is bothering me most ... .yet another realization that he was a hollow man and someone I only thought I knew.  :-(

[blue_skies_ahead]

From what I can tell, he had the record expunged and sealed. 

Here's the $1M question:  Do I dare ask for an explanation even though I feel entitled to one?

[Overbeck]

From what I can tell, he had the record expunged and sealed. 

Here's the $1M question:  Do I dare ask for an explanation even though I feel entitled to one?

Yes, but only if you understand that the reply might be filled with anger... .and most likely have very little truth contained in it.

[paul16]

Mine got a DUI while living with me! I never knew about it until well after we split up. She was arrested and then there are a string of failure to appear warrants issued over the next four years. We lived together three of those years, took numerous vacations, left the country, she applied for and received a passport. The system of background checks must be lame. If she wasn't a sociopath I'm sure she would have been terrified about facing her music.

A couple of years after we split up she got another DUI and they uncovered all of the failure to appears. Based on what I can see on the publicly accessible court website she did some jail time and is still dodging fines and fees. I stay NC.

[topknot]

I just found out my ex was on a SCRAM bracelet to detect any alcohol in his system for 90 days after a DUI. Never told me, slept in my house with the damn ankle thing at Christmas with my family sleeping over and never told me. I just keep wondering, Lord, how much more don't I know... .