Im back with not so good news

[peiper]

Found out that five weeks after we were married probably sooner she had a boyfriend. Now she has filed for divorce.

[free-n-clear]

   I'm sorry to hear that, peiper.   What's your position on the divorce? Do you want out or would you still like to try to save and improve your marriage?

[peiper]

She was not honest, plus she was sleeping with some other guy Shes a  flight attendent when she said she was going to work she was actually meeting him, after she said she was going more to make some more money by working more. So as to your question, I don't think so.

[peiper]

Plus she got a restraing order

[free-n-clear]

   Honesty definitely seems to be a challenge for pwBPD, though I think that they would believe they are honest, even when they're lying through their teeth. For a pwBPD, what they are feeling at any given time = fact, and they speak accordingly.

  Do you have a lawyer? If not, it would be a good idea to seek out one who is experienced with high-conflict cases and familiar with BPD. Spending a bit of time reading and posting on the 'Legal Board' - Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody would be helpful as there's a lot of members on that board experienced with dealing with restraining orders and the whole legal process.

 

[Infared]

I feel for you peiper. Deceit like that it a difficult and hurtful thing to know.

[willy45]

You deserve better.

[LettingGo14]

Peiper -- I am so sorry all this happened.  It does feel like someone takes a baseball bat to our hearts and heads.

Please allow yourself to realize how traumatic this all is --  it is important to acknowledge that this is trauma.  It is not a knee scrape.  In times like these, we need to allow the overwhelming feelings to emerge.   

It can and might feel like the pain will never end.  Yet, oddly, if you say "I accept this pain" -- you will go through it.  I fought my pain for so long -- thinking I could beat it, that I dissociated into numbness.   

Once I realized this was major emotional trauma, I stopped fighting it. 

We are here for you.  Keep posting.

[letmeout]

If its any consolation, and at this point it probably isn't, but after you have been away from her for a longer time, you will look back and not feel shocked or angry anymore.

You will only feel lucky that her drama is in the past and you are free to feel real happiness, not the fake happiness that you had with a fake person.

[peiper]

Thanks everybody. I still kinda think she plans on coming back, she gage me her top of the line fridge, washer and drier and all of her furniture Plus she just paid 11 k for new cabinets in my kitchen just a few months ago. None of this makes sense. Id want half the money and my stuff back.

[Frankcostello]

Plus she got a restraing order

This is why you shouldn't be with her or even having any kind of hope of getting back with her.  She runs off with another guy, lies to you, and then files for a restraining order.  You need to get out of dodge.  Fight the restraining order, don't contact her at all. She seems to be one manipulative, lying person leave her alone. 

[Infared]

Peiper... .I have walked in your shoes. I so wanted my pwBPD back at all cost... .but I was dillusional and suffering from low self esteem.  Just like you, this woman had lied to me and told lies about me to everyone that I cared about in her life. She abandoned me and was extremely cruel and abusive for years to me.  The way she would act out in public to emotionally harm me, I can't even talk about. I was in love with a fake person who did not really exist... it was a very sick little girl who was mirroring me, and manipulating me... .Out of fear. She has no real identity. I think she is a very sick person who has caused quite a few people a load of pain... .but in the end, there is nothing we can do but save ourselves from more harm from a very sick and selfish human being.  I REALLY needed to wake up and smell the coffee. It took me a lot of hard work and therapy.

[peiper]

Found out who he is. he is a 57 year old airline pilot with grey hair . Bet that wont last long, dont think a pilot will put up with her stuff for too long. I never have understood it, what do two cheats think they are getting. My dad always said once a cheat always a cheat. Especially with her.

[free-n-clear]

My dad always said once a cheat, always a cheat. Especially with her.

   Another member here - refusetosuccumb - puts it this way: Affairs are like mice. If you see one, you know there are many more.

[peiper]

I like that Free. Im going to steal it !