I've been stupid.

[Eric1]

I got drunk over the weekend & tried calling her. It was in the early hours, she didn't answer & I haven't heard anything since. I'm letting myself off lightly as I was seriously drunk.


Funny thing is that she's unblocked my number. Don't know if she will re-block.

[Frankcostello]

A lot of us have done things we regret after drinking.  One of the things that I did while I was going through the drama with my exBPDgf post break up was I stopped drinking cold turkey.  I knew that if I drank alcohol it would delay my healing process.  It worked because I'm certain that if I kept drinking it would have taken me longer to heal and work on myself.  Food for thought.  I know sometimes we feel we need a drink to get through things but for the most part it ends up hurting us more than help us.

[Arminius]

Eric, delete the number man. It's harder to give in if you don't have it on speed dial...

Any substances can affect judgement... .I had sleep meds, an hypnotic, and I answered one of her emails whilst it was kicking in. I had NO recollection of doing so, and I was seriously amazed to see that I had wished her luck in her new life with the waster she chose after leaving me! It could have been so, so much worse.

[fromheeltoheal]

A good thing about alcohol is the inhibitions it lowers, so your true self can show up, and your true self wanted to call her.  That's good feedback on your detachment, and something to work with moving forward.  What she does is irrelevant.  How has your drunk dial affected how you see the relationship and your detachment?

[Eric1]

It helps in a way knowing that I reached out & it was rejected. She called me a couple of weeks back by 'accident'.

I need a break from alcohol because it does make me depressed.

My birthday is next week, I doubt I'll hear from her which helps put the final nail in the coffin, but it will be upsetting.

[Overbeck]

It helps in a way knowing that I reached out & it was rejected. She called me a couple of weeks back by 'accident'.

Ahhhh, the accidental text-call-email. The go to mechanism of most Borderlines.

My ex is an alcoholic. So her "rage mode" when we were together was usually spurred by beer.

I'm certain every time she broke NC she was drunk. Booze is her drawbridge. She lowers her defenses when drunk so she can compel herself  to contact me.

Forgive yourself this time. But if you drunk dial her again, think hard on whether you are trying to humiliate yourself.

[fromheeltoheal]

My birthday is next week, I doubt I'll hear from her which helps put the final nail in the coffin, but it will be upsetting.

Or you could decide in advance to celebrate the start of a new life and another year, out of a relationship that wasn't empowering anyway.

[Eric1]

How can you forget a number you know off by heart?

I still know my ex ex's number off by heart and we haven't been together for 3 years!

[Tausk]

We've all done stupid things when we were drunk.  It won't make or break your recovery.   Let go of it.  

But, I think you've mentioned drinking a few times in your posts.  Alcohol in excess, despite a common misconception, will not help to process the emotions.  Alcohol in excess does not help the grieving process.  It only promotes the OCD component of the our attachment to the Disorder, while it feeds the festering gangrene of misdirected anger and sorrow.  

Many on this side of the board are alcoholics, including me.  It's a common symptom.  Even in AODA recovery, those on this side have a difficult time detaching from the Disorder.  I can't even imagine trying to recover from the Disorder while still active in my disease of alcoholism.  And even if someone is not a full blown alcoholic, an incorrect response to the stress from detaching can easily lead to alcoholism.  

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

In support,

T

[amigo]

Don't beat yourself up over it. Happens, even in normal breakup situations.

I had a few drinks when I texted my ex after 3 months of ST from him.

I don't drink very much, but like to have a glass of wine or some scotch to help me go to sleep on occasion. Those evenings I am definitely much more tempted to send a text. So, although I haven't gone cold turkey, I stay away from having a drink at home by myself before I go to sleep. One of the many ways I am staying strong and avoiding contacting him.

Hang in there, talk about it, forgive yourself, continue the good fight. we understand.

[FindingWings]

Dude, this condition is not exclusive to you! My ex called me 'by mistake:-) ' two days after we split up. After some pretty bizarre behavior, dissociating, etc. I had pressed her about her med diagnosis post rehab. As I Learned more about this disorder,  I became absolutely livid. A vital omission here. Not disclosing this condition early on. But the more information I gathered the more compassion I felt and I gradually came around to looking at my role in this mess. I've now gotten into my own issues and no longer feel such an obsession regarding 'understanding what went wrong.' As if understanding would somehow enable me to fix the pwBPD and the r/s. That my friend, is being stupid. Heck, you were just drunk. Full goose, bozo the clown STUPID is me thinking I can repair her. It was strongly suggested that I sever all lines of communication, unfriend her on fb and message her to let her know that she could pick up the rest of her things. If she didn't want to pick them up, she could arrange for someone else to do it for her or I would get rid of them. It was suggested that I be brief and to the point and keep it totally detached. 'I have no clue why I'm so off center right now but its best for me going forward do what's necessary to take care of me.' Thank you. You get it. You've probably written or said something similar. Maybe two hours after, she calls me. We sat down and had a civil conversation. She denies ever saying her diagnosis is BPD. Says she takes an antipsychotic to sleep. Again, you were only drunk... .

[corraline]

I've done the same thing too Eric.  It was a while back.  I had two glasses of wine when i was at home alone and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started looking at pictures of him , it brought up all of my pain and felt overwhelmingly sad.  So i broke my no contact and emailed him.  I told him that I loved him too much.  That is all I said.

He did email me back and said he was curious about why i sent that but i did not respond. Then i felt bad for not responding .  ugh... .I know now that while I am still healing ,  alcohol (if i am by myself especially )is a no fly zone for me  .  So is checking any social media stuff,  looking at his pictures and ring he gave me or anything that triggers me.  It's just not good for me right now.

Please be gentle with yourself.  We are still working through our pain and we just have to remember to take really good care of ourselves and forgive ourselves if we get off track . 

[Eric1]

It reinforces that she's moved on & I have to as well.

I'm not completely over her & I'm not worried about that. Time is my friend and it'll take as long as it has to.

[seeking balance]

Time is my friend and it'll take as long as it has to.

Very true statement.

Let it go, learn and move on... .every single one of us on this board has done a version of something we regret and many times alcohol was involved.

Birthdays can be hard - do you have plans with some trusted friends for it next week?

[Eric1]

It's this Thursday. I'm going for a quite beer with some friends on my birthday, then having a BBQ on Saturday. I won't hear from her. If I do, it doesn't change anything. If I don't, well, I'll continue moving forward.