"Fight for me"?

[ImWrecked]

As you are actively staying, definitely work on the communication tools from staying so you can make sure not to make things worse.

Thank you for the advice... .It's funny to me, when I think, or hear things like that (about trying not to make it worse)... .it always makes me pause and ask myself... .Do I WANT to stay in a relationship where I have to spend so much effort on trying to not make the situation worse? LOL, it's almost comical in a way... .and frustrating... .it makes me mad that it all falls on me to have to do that... .

So then I feel like I've made my decision... .I'm leaving... .BUT then - things will be good, and I'll think... .maybe we can make it... . 

It's like my standard answer to my family when they ask me how things are going... .I always say "Things are good... .until they're not".  Which pretty much sums it up.

[seeking balance]

Thank you for the advice... .It's funny to me, when I think, or hear things like that (about trying not to make it worse)... .it always makes me pause and ask myself... .Do I WANT to stay in a relationship where I have to spend so much effort on trying to not make the situation worse?

Honestly, the tools you learn in staying are great for everyone.  BPD is very real mental illness.  Your partner has already had a lot of emotional/psychological stuff to deal with and having BPD as well makes it just the way it is.

Steph, great stayer success story - fully had to realize that once her partner was in DBT and getting better, she still had some pretty big stuff of her own to work through.  I know you might not see your own issues that have led you here, but stick with your own therapy and work on your own side of the street - all relationships take 2 people.

For the record, I worked hard at the staying stuff, but my own resentments and my own needs made it really tough for me to have the patience necessary - but I also did not find out all this stuff in time, we were already in a very downhill fast moving situation.

[ImWrecked]

I know you might not see your own issues that have led you here, but stick with your own therapy and work on your own side of the street - all relationships take 2 people.

Oh yeah, I'm fully aware I have my own issues to work through... ."co-dependent, party of one?"  ... .I have a few things that have most certainly contributed to this relationship getting to where it is now, but while I'm going to therapy trying to help those things, she doesn't think she needs it.  Which is going to be a big factor in my decision I guess... .

[OutOfEgypt]

How about, "I will fight to repair the damage I have done to you and our marriage"

I would have loved to hear that, too.  I think any of us would hope to hear that from our partner.