Breakup - from being mutual to something I can't EVEN understand

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've written earlier this month that my uBPD friend and I split what I thought was mutual. After agreeing it was mutual, I unfriended her on FB, and blocked her, as I saw no sense in maintaining the facade of a relationship in social media either.

Last week, I was on FB one day and saw in the ticker that one of my good friends 'commented on my status'. My first thought was "I didn't post anything". So I went to this good friend's FB account and her friend's list to see this 'account' with MY name on it.  I was horrified, upset, and then turned to understanding 'why'!

I spent a half hour reading this 'account'... .it contained more of her poison... .as if she was STILL abusing me, and my character. It was filled with things we discussed, things we shared in good times, and she just went to town: character assassination, belittling me, and then passing herself off as me to my FB friends. I could tell by the timeline, this 'account' was created 3 days after we broke up.

I have since pulled my REAL account off of FB, I made the conscious decision not to have my personal info 'out there' on FB anymore. Esp now there is a bogus account, my online reputation/friendships are now ended as a result. We know some of the same people. I have reported the page to FB. From what I am told, she continues to update this 'account' with new profile pic (not my face), enters new put downs and slams at my personality and making it 'hers'? The account had a private setting at the onset. Just this week, it is now set to PUBLIC... .I guess to make sure that I can see it? The posts from the first day, you can see are her rage. Then as the weeks wore on, the rage is lessened, but still aggressive.

I have NOT done the BPD 'dance" - that is, give her the attention by responding directly to this page.  My question is: Why would SHE do something like this? Is this her way of coping? Her way of revenge at me?

[martymcfly5]

I've written earlier this month that my uBPD friend and I split what I thought was mutual. After agreeing it was mutual, I unfriended her on FB, and blocked her, as I saw no sense in maintaining the facade of a relationship in social media either.

Last week, I was on FB one day and saw in the ticker that one of my good friends 'commented on my status'. My first thought was "I didn't post anything". So I went to this good friend's FB account and her friend's list to see this 'account' with MY name on it.  I was horrified, upset, and then turned to understanding 'why'!

I spent a half hour reading this 'account'... .it contained more of her poison... .as if she was STILL abusing me, and my character. It was filled with things we discussed, things we shared in good times, and she just went to town: character assassination, belittling me, and then passing herself off as me to my FB friends. I could tell by the timeline, this 'account' was created 3 days after we broke up.

I have since pulled my REAL account off of FB, I made the conscious decision not to have my personal info 'out there' on FB anymore. Esp now there is a bogus account, my online reputation/friendships are now ended as a result. We know some of the same people. I have reported the page to FB. From what I am told, she continues to update this 'account' with new profile pic (not my face), enters new put downs and slams at my personality and making it 'hers'? The account had a private setting at the onset. Just this week, it is now set to PUBLIC... .I guess to make sure that I can see it? The posts from the first day, you can see are her rage. Then as the weeks wore on, the rage is lessened, but still aggressive.

I have NOT done the BPD 'dance" - that is, give her the attention by responding directly to this page.  My question is: Why would SHE do something like this? Is this her way of coping? Her way of revenge at me?

[Ventus2ct]

She's done it because she's sick, she has a mental disorder. It is her way of painting you black to anyone that'll listen or read FB.

I blocked mine, since found out she created another account (since blocked) this was 13 days after we split. I eventually unblocked her (after 2 months) and within 2 days she had blocked me. we share no mutual friends so she must have searched my name, seen I'd unblocked her and then decided to block me, just as any child would do.

I think you have done the right thing, after all what else can you do? It beggars belief what these people get up to and despite missing mine immensely at times (weak moments) it just reinforces quite how twisted they are at times, others and "butter wouldn't melt"

It's such a shame that people who suffer this d/o are not disposed of in a semi humane manner. Bit extreme but having a bit of a rant!

[MommaBear]

Trash talk. Oh, once we end up in the "discard" phase of the cycle, anything is fair game.

My xhwBPD has trash talked me to anyone who would listen. New people, old people, family, ANYONE with a set of ears, pretty much.

At times like this, I think that those who believe this stuff probably aren't the greatest friends in the first place, and that he likely did a massive "clean up" of my personal life for me. Yes, I would have liked to have been the one to decide when and where such actions would have been taken, but all in all, I don't feel a major sense of loss for people who have so little understanding or respect for me to begin with.

But, to answer your question on WHY? They're crazy, hurtful, emotionally undeveloped little brats living in adult bodies. They're like parasites, and your only crime was not feeling their endless need for love and validation at all costs.

Sometimes I think being punished by a pwBPD is a sign that I'm doing something healthy, for myself, and worthwhile. The days my xhwBPD was happy, or at the very least, less invalidating, I knew I was giving way too much to get so little in return, and it wasn't right.

[myself]

Deep down, they want to live our lives, not theirs.

Finding they can't, they seriously freak out and sabotage.

Going public is her way of announcing you're her scapegoat.

[martymcfly5]

Deep down, they want to live our lives, not theirs.

Finding they can't, they seriously freak out and sabotage.

Going public is her way of announcing you're her scapegoat.

#1 live our lives not, theirs... .she has been doing this since I knew her back in HS... 30 yrs ago. She has admitted to me that she was highly jealous of me and that was BEFORE I knew what BPD was. Recycling was on her mind unbeknownst to me. I feel so stupid for allowing this person back into my life... who wouldn't allow a HS BFF back in carte blanche? The fallout has helped me learn about myself, my needs, and it's good to see myself stand up and say "No I am done with being bullied and verbally abused" and walked out of her life with my head held high. I abandoned a pwBPD with no regret -- apparently SHE is not handling it well. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

#2 July 1st was the day that I walked away from this abusive person. Scapegoating is abuse  and as I reflect upon the word 'scapegoat' and recall the last 11 months, I've been her scapegoat from day one... possibly since from 1984... .and fast forward to now, this bogus account is my mannequin -- the one she'll continue to bully, until she finds another person to terrorize, gets bored with it.

One thing I want to add: I think she sees her own growing pathology. She used to post "crazy cat lady" memes and the like on her FB page. One night having seen my portion of her 2 yr old mentality encased in a 48 yr old body crap that night, I GOOGLED "crazy cat lady and BPD"... .  It was sad to read it because this person was my friend who I cared for... .however, months later, those days have come to an end. Instead of hatred, I want her to have happiness. I want someone to drop off a box of 4 kittens at her doorstep -- she really does take very good care of animals (BPD trait) so I know they'll be in a good home with 2 other cats. That way she can embrace the love of animals fully since the love of humans has been sadly elusive. That way the child can relate to her own world, self-sooth with petting cats, and leave us adults alone.

[Ventus2ct]

MartyMcFly5, cats…….! Mine loved cats although didn't have any, she moved into her new rented flat in a housing estate and a stray kitten appeared one evening, she kept it for the night, despite saying she thought it belonged to someone due to the fact it smelt of perfume. This happened for a couple of nights and stopped, she was mortified that she hadn't seen her kitten, this went on for some time, its the only time I saw some true care for something other than herself and she talked of her lost black kitten for weeks after. She also got on well with my dog.

Scapegoat, you are right "They wish to live our lives, not theirs" I came across this thought yesterday and believe they do wish to live our lives but also without us in it. Jealousy of my situation was obvious, materially and also my way of life. She used to say I was a "teenager with a farm" and yet she loved showing off the house, the potential marital house (they are 2 different houses) to the couple of friends that came here. Especially to the one friend (who I later found out she'd only met once) who came here and stayed for a weekend as I later found out was very good friends with her ex!

Sick twisted….!

[martymcfly5]

The days my xhwBPD was happy, or at the very least, less invalidating, I knew I was giving way too much to get so little in return, and it wasn't right.

I likened this often felt feeling to going to having Chinese food... .it filled me up initially, yet felt hungry soon after.

[Mutt]

I spent a half hour reading this 'account'... .it contained more of her poison... .as if she was STILL abusing me, and my character. It was filled with things we discussed, things we shared in good times, and she just went to town: character assassination, belittling me, and then passing herself off as me to my FB friends. I could tell by the timeline, this 'account' was created 3 days after we broke up.

Esp now there is a bogus account, my online reputation/friendships are now ended as a result.

My question is: Why would SHE do something like this? Is this her way of coping? Her way of revenge at me?

Your ex's fear of abandonment is triggered. Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger? See distortion campaigns on chapter 11.