Nothing is ever easy

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Why is everything an issue for them? Seriously I can't take anymore!

This morning I asked my bf if what I was wearing looked ok/matched.  How long does that take?  10 seconds at most to answer.  Instead of just looking and answering, he snapped, "Look at what time it is!  Why are you worried about what you're wearing when traffic is bad and you're going to be late."  All I asked was a simple question and then it turned into a lecture about what I'm doing wrong. I hate when he does that especially when he has no idea what traffic is like (he only works 10-15 mins away, I have a commute) and no idea what my schedule is like and what time I need to be in the office by.  It's so annoying.  It feels like he's treating me like his child. I don't think I got to where I am in my career by being late - I know by now what time I need to leave the house to be at work on time!  And I have always taken pride in my appearance but now I suddenly care soo much about what I wear to work - I care everyday, but TODAY he decided it was a problem.  I can't stand it and I can't stand him!  I just walked out and slammed the door as I left cause at that point getting away from him was more important then what I'm wearing.  Just had to get that off my chest, but these simple everyday conversations do NOT and cannot exist in BPD world!  So frustrating.

[grayarea]

Why is everything an issue for them? Seriously I can't take anymore!

This morning I asked my bf if what I was wearing looked ok/matched.  How long does that take?  10 seconds at most to answer.  Instead of just looking and answering, he snapped, "Look at what time it is!  Why are you worried about what you're wearing when traffic is bad and you're going to be late."  All I asked was a simple question and then it turned into a lecture about what I'm doing wrong. I hate when he does that especially when he has no idea what traffic is like (he only works 10-15 mins away, I have a commute) and no idea what my schedule is like and what time I need to be in the office by.  It's so annoying.  It feels like he's treating me like his child. I don't think I got to where I am in my career by being late - I know by now what time I need to leave the house to be at work on time!  And I have always taken pride in my appearance but now I suddenly care soo much about what I wear to work - I care everyday, but TODAY he decided it was a problem.  I can't stand it and I can't stand him!  I just walked out and slammed the door as I left cause at that point getting away from him was more important then what I'm wearing.  Just had to get that off my chest, but these simple everyday conversations do NOT and cannot exist in BPD world!  So frustrating.

[maxsterling]

wow, grayarea.  How frustrating!  And you are right, simple, everyday conversations do not exist in BPD world.  You can expect a pwBPD to get testy or upset over something simple, to try and read meaning into things, My suggestion?  Don't have them.  What I mean by that is, don't bother bringing up little things if there is a way you can go about your business without his input.  From my experience, pwBPD hate making decisions.  And they hate it when other people come to them with their problems.  Their heads are already running nonstop with anguish over their lives, so they often feel like they have little time for others.  I sometimes get flak for asking my BPD fiancé what she wants to eat. 

With that in mind, what likely happened is he felt like you were asking him to make a decision on your wardrobe for you.  Most men feel uncomfortable when a woman asks him that (I know I do!).  I can't imagine what an already indecisive pwBPD would think.  In his mind, he has other things to worry about (his miserable life), and the question of how your wardrobe looks just overloaded him. 

If this situation were to repeat, I would suggest asking a question with defined choices "which top looks better, A or B?"  A question like that is more likely to get a positive response.  I've learned that with my fiancé, I am better off asking, "do you want pizza or tacos for dinner" rather than "what do you want for dinner."  It I give her two choices, she will choose one, or say "neither" and then we move on.  If I ask her the latter question without defined choices, she will sigh, look agitated, and reply, "I don't know!  Why do I always have to decide!"  She's actually explicitly asked me to limit her choices, because too many choices overwhelm her.