Talked over the phone today for the first time in 2 months...

[Green_eyes]

His mom called me to ask tonight to ask about her grandson - how we were doing. She requested to FaceTime tomorrow as it's been a long time and she and my BPD ex miss us very much. He left after I filed for an EPO against him without so much as a word. I asked her why he hasn't called if he misses us and wants to see us. One thing led to another and he ended up on the phone... .

After suffering immensely over the last week due to some recent lawyer contact, regret, and fear of the future it was both intensely relieving and heartbreaking all at once.

It felt funny talking to him. Awkward... .He sounded like a different person (very ill) and it is very clear that he is very unwell now. He seemed to have a lot of clarity on the abuse and the way he has treated me and was seemingly honest about not knowing what his plans for the future are. He said he missed us and missed being a family. He said he's seeing a therapist everyday, working in maintaining a routine, and doing a lot of homework everyday to be able to find happiness. He said he wasn't present and was viewing things from a very negative magnifying lens when we were together. He said he knows that most of his issues stem from a lot of anger he's holding onto and he's been working to understand where this stems from. He apologized for doing and saying things he knew were extreme and unfair.

I became emotional and and talked of my feelings. It sort of felt like he wasn't able to fully hear me... .wasn't able to listen... .I can't explain it. It felt disconnected.

It's heartbreaking because he seems to know the damage he has caused but seems like he is on another planet in terms of his mental health. I can't help but feel terrible for him but I feel even worse for myself and my son who are alone and trying to survive all of this the best that we can.

He says he wants to come and see his son when I return from 3 weeks away visiting my family.

I don't know what to think. It's so very hard to trust anything at this point. I also am becoming very aware just how sick he really is. It is crushing to me.

He talked of going to his nieces soccer games and feeling the sting from seeing other families together... .

I still live him but feel I would be a fool to go back. I can forgive the abuse but I can't forget it. I feel so messed up... .I don't know his this is ever going to work... .

I said I would FaceTime with him and his mother tomorrow so they can see the baby.

Does anyone have any feedback or advice? I don't want to be stupid but I don't want to keep him from seeing his son. Maybe he deserves to not see him.

Please help.

[Tolou]

Sorry to hear all that you have been through. But if you truely see and understand that he is suffering from mental illness, that is a big step for you.  A step for him is, getting help, because that mean he atleast understands that something isn't right and he needs help to gain a healthier life.

In terms of seeing him, and allowing him to see your son? That is your choice, and you should follow your gut if you are ready or not for that.  I beleive that you should be clear with yourself why you are seeing him, if it so he can see his son, then fine, as long as you can both be civil and there in no confusion, maybe it is something you can give a try? However if you are not certain of his intentions or your unclear of you want, it could be risky, unltimately, he is the father... .A son has right to know his father so as long he is trying to get help and not causing further damage or pain to either of you or himself, it could motivate him, and give him hope to continue to get help? sometimes people just need love, but make sure it doesn't have to cost you, you!