Does my ex girlfriend have BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi there,

I have posted about this before but I am still coming to terms with what has happened and still questioning whether my ex gf really has BPD or something like it. Or maybe she doesn't and this is just the way relationships can go.

My ex had abandonment and trust issues and our relationship was a real roller coaster. She cut herself once or twice in my company. I held on because I was in love. However, her behaviour towards me showed no empathy. She stared arguments and resented me. She ignored me and acted as if we weren't really a couple sometimes. It was really hurtful.

In the end she was telling me that a guy was talking to her on Facebook. She said she wasn't interested because her best friend was In love with this guy (no mention of me or my feelings). Six weeks after we broke up we had sex and then she cried and hugged me a lot . At the time I didn't really know why. We were on and off so often I didn't really know what was happening. But she seemed at this point to genuinely care for me in some capacity.

Two weeks after this she showed up with the guy she had been talking to on fb. She said that her best friend hated her. Said also said that she was in love and very happy and that we could be friends but we shouldn't talk for a while because it was very difficult. However she did admit to cheating on the new guy with me.

I have never been treated so badly by anyone in all my life. There seemed to be lots of lies and cheating and complete disrespect towards me and other people in her life. She went from the love of my life to a completely irrational, self centred and selfish person.

Does she have BPD or have I just been rejected and looking for a explanation?

[Getting over it]

Hi there,

I have posted about this before but I am still coming to terms with what has happened and still questioning whether my ex gf really has BPD or something like it. Or maybe she doesn't and this is just the way relationships can go.

My ex had abandonment and trust issues and our relationship was a real roller coaster. She cut herself once or twice in my company. I held on because I was in love. However, her behaviour towards me showed no empathy. She stared arguments and resented me. She ignored me and acted as if we weren't really a couple sometimes. It was really hurtful.

In the end she was telling me that a guy was talking to her on Facebook. She said she wasn't interested because her best friend was In love with this guy (no mention of me or my feelings). Six weeks after we broke up we had sex and then she cried and hugged me a lot . At the time I didn't really know why. We were on and off so often I didn't really know what was happening. But she seemed at this point to genuinely care for me in some capacity.

Two weeks after this she showed up with the guy she had been talking to on fb. She said that her best friend hated her. Said also said that she was in love and very happy and that we could be friends but we shouldn't talk for a while because it was very difficult. However she did admit to cheating on the new guy with me.

I have never been treated so badly by anyone in all my life. There seemed to be lots of lies and cheating and complete disrespect towards me and other people in her life. She went from the love of my life to a completely irrational, self centred and selfish person.

Does she have BPD or have I just been rejected and looking for a explanation?

[drummerboy]

The thing that strikes me in your post is her lack of empathy. IMO that is the biggie with BPDs. Along with the emotional maturity of a 5 year old. Have you read the DSM list of BPD traits? If not, have a read and see how many you think your ex exhibited.

The other part that struck me was that what you described was her wanting to rub your nose in it by having you meet her new boyfriend. I don't know if they do it on purpose, as in maliciously, but mine did the same. She totally rubbed her exs nose in it when we were together. BPD or not it sounds like she isn't a very nice person and is/was not treating you with any kind of consideration or respect so the big question you've got to ask yourself is why would you want to have a person like this in your life?

[JohnLove]

Hi Getting over it, I'm sorry you had to endure this behaviour. You sound like you are coping well.

Your articulate post full of descriptions totally smacks of BPD behaviour.

Dr. JohnLove has made a diagnosis that confirms your suspicions (and no I'm not a real doctor   ).

The next stage is when this new relationship comes apart. She will be looking to recycle... .and extremely likely it'll be with you.

You sound like a decent guy.

Stay strong. Stay well. You will know what to do.