denial

[seekingstrength]

My daughter is 23 years old. It may sound odd but I have always known that something was different with her.  I suppose that much of what I did to try to help her was at best ineffective and perhaps even harmful.  When she was younger I thought she was just immature, though it seemed so awfully dramatic and painful... .I hoped and prayed she would outgrow it.  As she grew older I lost hope and came to accept that she was destined to a life of pain and lonliness and concluded that all I could do was try to save my sanity.  It helps to know there is a name for her pain and even perhaps a biological cause but for now I feel like she just got a terminal medical diagnosis.  I can't help but feel so deeply saddened and helpless at the prognosis... .will keep reading and learning but for now I am grieving... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ziggiddy]

Hi seekingstrength

I am sad for you to be grieving as it is a hard thing to come to understand there is disorder in the family and all the more painful when it is your child. You naturally want what's best for them but sometimes it can seem no matter what you do you can't seem to give them what they need.

It's healthy for you to feel sad and acknowledge that but please don't give up hope, seekingstrength. It's not a terminal illness although it takes a great deal of effort and patience to deal with and there IS hope. All the more for your own peace of mind as you explore new ways to communicate and relate to your very special child. You really can have more than just  alife where your best hope is to hold on to your sanity!

It's important to realise there is a good deal that can be improved one little step at a time.

I think you would greatly benefit from having a look around and perhaps posting your story on the Parenting board. I'll link it here:

Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board

I know the parents there have a lot of experience and insight that will help you through this time and the senior members will connect you with excellent resource material to read.

All the best,

Ziggiddy

[NorthernGirl]

Hello seekingstrength. I'll join Ziggiddy in welcoming you to our community.

I'm sorry that you are feeling hopeless and sad about your daugther. You've definitely come to the right place! You can learn a great deal about BPD here, and also learn how to communicate better with your daughter. This is a difficult disorder but you will find many members here who have got to a better place by using tools and techniques that have been developed after years of research.

As Ziggiddy says, you'll benefit from checking out the Parenting board where you'll find members who understand what you are going through.

Please check out the board and keep posting so our great members can help!

[tristesse]

Hello Seeking Strength, and welcome.

I understand your feelings and I sympathize with you.

This was the right place to come, the people here are all experienced and helpful, and the resources provided are also very helpful.

This is not a death sentence, but it is a battle, a very hard battle, but I believe if you love your children, and I believe you do, or you wouldn't be here, that it is a battle worth fighting.

Hang in there

[HealingSpirit]

Hello seekingstrength,

I'd like to join the others in welcoming you to our family.

I understand the grief you feel now that you KNOW your DD has a bonafide mental illness.  I went through a lot of grief too, when that realization struck me about my DD17.  In May, my DD cut up her wrist so severely that she wound up in a pediatric mental hospital for a 3-day hold.  Now, she has bright red keloid scars that will likely prevent her from getting a job.  My heart hurts every time I see her wrist, or every time she isn't capable of things I always thought she'd be able to do.

The good news is, now that you have a name for what you've already been dealing with, there ARE things you can do to help make things better by not making them worse.  I would not wish a diagnosis of BPD on anyone, BUT, it really helps to KNOW what your DD is suffering from and why you've had so many unusual struggles with her.

I'm really glad you found us!  I found a lot of hope and support here, and I'm sure you will too.  To start off, I recommend you go through the "tools" and "lessons" to the right of this board.------------------->

I found simply listening and validating my DD when she's upset helps calm her down.  Also, by listening this way, it helps keep ME from getting involved in or upset about HER drama. 

What triggered her diagnosis?  Was there a recent event that caused you to research and find us?  I'm so glad you did.