Trusting what you know

[yogibear60]

In all my readings and newly acquired information some startling facts have emerged.  Border Line Personality Disorder is highly undiagnosed, a surprising number of individuals with this disorder are suspected and that many not be counted through mis diagnosis.    There is a wealth of mis information and confusion and certainly many, many uninformed people.  From what I gather and from what I have learned being raised by a BPD –m is that it can be close to impossible to clinically diagnose due to many reasons.  Lack of self awareness by the individual, the level of skill of manipulative abilities, family not willing to reveal, etc., etc., etc.

Knowing that how is it that on many, many comments, people talk about the need to see a therapist?  Is it not the therapist that diagnoses and increases the chaos of unknowns?  How can a therapist diagnose something that they know so little about?  Why would one want to put trust into a profession that has LITTLE concept of what they are doing or what they are dealing with?  Having letters behind your name gives instant credibility?  I think not.  This is not a criticism, it is a statement of fact.

I am currently following Face Book posts from Randi Kreger, she is struggling with people not accepting her as creditable because she isn’t clinical.  She has provided a wealth of hope for survival, much more than any clinical report that I have read, yet because she “only talked and listened” with thousands of individuals who have lived the life but doesn’t have letters behind her name she has to justify her wisdom?

On my journey it certainly was not a clinical person that recognized or supported me or even believe me as I struggled for help.  It was individuals that have lived and endured the life that came to my side.  I felt like a one person band, playing the tune over and over again until the notes fell on ears that were familiar with the song.  Excited that I had found some possible answers and resources, I called the people that had worked with mother and suggested that there were other options.  Deaf ears, condescending conversation, you know, the kind of conversation that suggest how unqualified you are because “ You don’t know as much as me” and then dead air.   How dare I suggest the possibility of something I recognized as true in my life but not supported in text books. 

I am certainly not suggesting that therapy does not have a place.  I have worked in children’s mental health for 30 years and I have seen joyous transformation for families.  However, there is a dark side and that is therapy is expected to be the end all be all.  Therapy is also a luxury something not all people can not afford.

All I am saying is that it is imperative that people use their critical thinking skills, look to others that have “danced the dance” and to trust their gut reaction.  Living with a BPD makes you the expert. 

[jmanvo2015]

Hi Yogibear60 

I can really relate to what you're saying here.  I've seen some of the most qualified therapists around - even went as an outpatient to one of NY's most famous psychiatric hospitals - and nobody diagnosed my mom as BPD until just this past month.  I actually intentionally sought out a therapist that had "BPD" listed as one of her specialties.  Fortunately, she recognized my mother instantly from what I told her.

I think that even though BPD has been in the DSMV for a while, people haven't really fully embraced it until recently.  Because I remember talking about it with therapists that didn't ever categorize my mom.  One therapist told me not to move to where my mom lives, but like others before him, he was telling me my mom was not a good influence, but not helping me to find viable alternatives. So, I just felt helpless.  However, the term "BPD" was never mentioned.  Instead, he told me I had an "unspecified personality disorder." My next therapist told me I was BiPolar 2, but when I pressed on this she admitted that she had only used that diagnosis so that my insurance company would continue to pay for my therapy.  Oy. 

All those years of treatment, nobody ever identified that my BPD/NPD mother and NPD father were causing problems for me, or gave me solutions for finding support elsewhere.  I just talked and talked and cried and cried and nothing changed. 

It wasn't until after I did all of my own research and made changes on my own that things started to get better.  You see from the time I hit puberty, my mother and stepfather had waged a war against me to convince me that they were perfect parents and I was a problem child.  They never took any responsibility for the abuse.  They rationalized it because, in their minds, I was a problem child and they were doing what they needed to do.     This was actually funny.  I was really far from being a problem child.  I was a pretty shy kid with friends and achievements, but my parents told me all the time that I was bad.  And everyone believed them because my stepfather was a successful businessman and my mother was attractive and charming.  And, then there I was insecure, self conscious and shy.  So, of course I looked like a problem kid. I was living behind the curtain of the "perfect family" and it was horrible and abusive. 

I think people automatically assume that mothers are good people.  It's very hard for people to criticize mothers in our society.  Short of killing their kids, there's not much they can do wrong that people won't somehow find a way to defend because we live in a world where mothers are held to angelic standards.