Just need to vent, going full NC

[Depression = 72% of members]

Today I woke up to find two comments on my karaoke site from my uBPDx. They were pretty generic but they were enough to get her on my mind. I'd told her before we weren't friends and that I was giving up trying to get her back, I'd gone silent for two days and felt pretty good. Anyway I was on my break at work, had been on instagram and saw some things she'd liked on there. They included something about strangers becoming friends and friends becoming strangers. I was intrigued by this, and decided that seeing as I have a date tomorrow I may as well friend her again on facebook, I just wanted to see if she would, and I guess subconsciously I thought that her seeing I was going on a date it may stir some abandonment worries in her. My goodness was this a bad idea. at about 10pm I looked at her facebook as she'd accepted my request... what I saw made me nauseous.

It showed pictures of her with her boyfriend, and it said "the most important person in my life, I love you"

I immediately unfriended her, then later texted her saying "Hey, I've deleted you from facebook, please don't comment on my songs anymore. I'm asking you in the nicest way possible to please, just stay away from me".

I am now going no contact,

I can't believe how much her being in my life hurts me. I've seen both sides of this and neither side is good. I'm just completely addicted to her, sometimes it just makes me crazy. I have a date tomorrow, and I could barely muster the energy to confirm it today, I know I'll feel better tomorrow, but seeing the pictures, and her staying in this relationship has hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know what I expected but this is the first time she's really emphasised her feelings towards him in such a public way.

No contact is the only way to go now., She's deleted from instagram. She's deleted from my smule, blocked on facebook. I need it to be like she doesn't exist. Hopefully this date will go well, and I can focus my attention on someone else who isn't a BPD nutcase.

I'm going out more regularly, even hitting the VIP areas, I just need life to be like she doesn't exist.

I wish I'd never met her, yet meeting her means I'm now more savvy about life, love, women than I ever have been. I guess I have that to thank her for.

[christoff522]

Today I woke up to find two comments on my karaoke site from my uBPDx. They were pretty generic but they were enough to get her on my mind. I'd told her before we weren't friends and that I was giving up trying to get her back, I'd gone silent for two days and felt pretty good. Anyway I was on my break at work, had been on instagram and saw some things she'd liked on there. They included something about strangers becoming friends and friends becoming strangers. I was intrigued by this, and decided that seeing as I have a date tomorrow I may as well friend her again on facebook, I just wanted to see if she would, and I guess subconsciously I thought that her seeing I was going on a date it may stir some abandonment worries in her. My goodness was this a bad idea. at about 10pm I looked at her facebook as she'd accepted my request... what I saw made me nauseous.

It showed pictures of her with her boyfriend, and it said "the most important person in my life, I love you"

I immediately unfriended her, then later texted her saying "Hey, I've deleted you from facebook, please don't comment on my songs anymore. I'm asking you in the nicest way possible to please, just stay away from me".

I am now going no contact,

I can't believe how much her being in my life hurts me. I've seen both sides of this and neither side is good. I'm just completely addicted to her, sometimes it just makes me crazy. I have a date tomorrow, and I could barely muster the energy to confirm it today, I know I'll feel better tomorrow, but seeing the pictures, and her staying in this relationship has hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know what I expected but this is the first time she's really emphasised her feelings towards him in such a public way.

No contact is the only way to go now., She's deleted from instagram. She's deleted from my smule, blocked on facebook. I need it to be like she doesn't exist. Hopefully this date will go well, and I can focus my attention on someone else who isn't a BPD nutcase.

I'm going out more regularly, even hitting the VIP areas, I just need life to be like she doesn't exist.

I wish I'd never met her, yet meeting her means I'm now more savvy about life, love, women than I ever have been. I guess I have that to thank her for.

[Pieter2]

That's the way! No contact immediately. It's the only thing that helps.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Stick to NC - it is a great fortress.  And you can heal without fear of attack.

[freedom33]

NC is the only thing that works.

[christoff522]

Thank you guys I can't agree more. It's nice to be able to vent, and not think "now i have to sort it out with her".

I can't believe how much like her I became, scared of abandonment, weak, angry.

At least I can look to the future and not see darkness.

[Deeno02]

NC is the only thing that works.

That and attempt to live your life healthy, both physically and mentally. That is the best revenge you can have on them.

[Blimblam]

Thank you guys I can't agree more. It's nice to be able to vent, and not think "now i have to sort it out with her".

I can't believe how much like her I became, scared of abandonment, weak, angry.

At least I can look to the future and not see darkness.

Yes the fleas are horrible. I think nc is the best way for the fog to clear and deal with them. Even the thought of contact triggers me still.

[christoff522]

That and attempt to live your life healthy, both physically and mentally. That is the best revenge you can have on them.

I completely agree. I'm not seeking revenge per se however, I'm seeking complete detachment. I totally see your point though, and the context in which you're using it. Its basically day 2 now, I have had a powerful urge to check up to see if she's posted anything or said anything. I've resisted. I see that in itself as a move to gain better mental health.

Yes the fleas are horrible. I think nc is the best way for the fog to clear and deal with them. Even the thought of contact triggers me still.

Definitely, along with what Deeno said, NC is the way to recover. My fleas were already there, they just seemed to get a big dose of blood and laid some eggs in my brain when she came along. Blimblam you've made some excellent progress in the time I've known you, you are dealing with your BPDx differently than me but we've definitely agreed quite a bit. I deluded myself into thinking that keeping in contact was the best thing, but I'm completely convinced that a good 60 days of absolute no contact is the best thing for me. Even though I've said I've gone NC before I've always checked up on her, always lurked her pages before. Now I'm complete NC, even dating other people now. Although I'm still posting here, its a crutch to keep me focused, I imagine that in the future my posting will decrease as my perspective shifts, as it may become a possible trigger.

The fog is already lifting though, its so nice not seeing her name everywhere!

[willtimeheal]

I can't believe how much like her I became, scared of abandonment, weak, angry.

It's frightening how much influence they can have on us and how crazy they can make us feel.  I started to do things I never would have thought I would ever do... .It scared me. Now I can look at myself and say "what we're you thinking."  I am just grateful I was able to catch myself and find my way back to me.

[Blimblam]

I remember when you were about to go back for more and the story you were telling yourself. I did the same exact thing before I learned about BPD. I was doing the subliminalls too and learning about alpha male stuff. Then I got torn to shreds.

I've made a lot of progress but I got to a place I have a hard time describing besides madness. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone and to be honest as far as mental health goes I don't think the place I got to from this rs that it can get much worst. I literally couldn't recognize myself in the mirror I mean I could but I had to convince myself.

I really think it depends to what degree ones mental health has been compromised in the relationship if they can handle limited contact but if we have

Any sort of hope we can make things work we are still deep in fog and the only cure is absolute nc.

It's like all the best energy and emotions we need for ourself are displaced into the ex.  It's addiction plain and simple. Except it's not so simple. I've been nc for about 20 days and I havnt checked her fb or any photos and not secretly holding onto this malignant hope. The belief that love prevails and if only I do this or that I will be good enough.

I think we are both at that point finally and maybe we had a harder time getting there than others but it is what it is and we are moving foreward even if at a slugs pace.  

Hopefully our misfortune can help someone else in pain.  

How far out in nc?

[Deeno02]

I agree guys. As I have mentioned, I'm staying NC as long as possible. I will have some LCD when she coaches my son. No choice. But I'm going to be the most aloof, happy MF anyone has ever seen, even though I'm dying inside. I will not give her the satisfaction seeing me hurt. My trigger, more like a fear, is running into them out and about. Trying to come up with a plan. So far I've got hermit as my main plan... .

[christoff522]

I remember when you were about to go back for more and the story you were telling yourself. I did the same exact thing before I learned about BPD. I was doing the subliminalls too and learning about alpha male stuff. Then I got torn to shreds.

Still doing those subliminals and the alpha male stuff, I feel that what I expected to get I didn't get, instead the 'alpha' in me said - NO MORE!

I made many stories up in my head, one of them was the we were star-crossed lovers, and that time would bring us together again. I feel now that if I do come into contact with her in the future (hopefully a long way down the line) she will not encounter a receptive victim anymore.

I've made a lot of progress but I got to a place I have a hard time describing besides madness. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone and to be honest as far as mental health goes I don't think the place I got to from this rs that it can get much worst. I literally couldn't recognize myself in the mirror I mean I could but I had to convince myself.

I know them feelings, I do see it in perhaps a more positive light, had it not been for my encounter with her I would never have reached a point in my life where I would be aspiring for more. I never would have been willing to go on a date with someone yesterday, nor would I be thinking about what I want for the future. Its also brought me closer to God because some real miracles have occurred. Just going NC to this extreme level for me is a miracle.

I really think it depends to what degree ones mental health has been compromised in the relationship if they can handle limited contact but if we have

Any sort of hope we can make things work we are still deep in fog and the only cure is absolute nc.

Agreed, I don't think I could say I was over this yet, I have set myself 60 days NC, then I will reassess my mental state.

It's like all the best energy and emotions we need for ourself are displaced into the ex.  It's addiction plain and simple. Except it's not so simple. I've been nc for about 20 days and I havnt checked her fb or any photos and not secretly holding onto this malignant hope. The belief that love prevails and if only I do this or that I will be good enough.

Yes, I see this. I was actually just thinking to myself how I felt before I re-added her the other day, I was positive and happy and then when I saw her page for the first time in about a week I looked and saw her saying "i love you" to her bf and I felt like my heart had stopped beating and I began shaking, then I immediately deleted her. I then thought about how I felt on this date, and I was nervous, self-effacing and wanted to run because it didn't feel like how I felt for the BPD girl. But I'm so glad I didn't, I realised something, I am attracted to this girl (the one on the date) but at a NORMAL level, and that love and all that stuff grows over time. The love I have for BPD is NOT love, but its a damaged part of myself obsessing over a fantasy.

I think we are both at that point finally and maybe we had a harder time getting there than others but it is what it is and we are moving foreward even if at a slugs pace.  

Hopefully our misfortune can help someone else in pain.  

How far out in nc?

I agree, we have struggled a lot, but here we are, with much to look forward to. The experience for me is a positive one overall, and I could never have said that a few months ago, a few months ago I was angry, bitter and resentful to someone who honestly... doesn't deserve it. She is toxic - but not by choice.

I am at Day 2 now, 58 days to go until I complete the challenge. But honestly... .its over between me and her in every way possible  

[clydegriffith]

Don't be hurt. She never loved you and doesn't love the person she is with now. The sooner you realize this the better you'll be.