Do they remember any of the good stuff

[Depression = 72% of members]

Just wondering. After they calm down or have some time away from their new partner do they ever remember the good times you had with them or how they felt about you?  Just having hard day today

[merlin4926]

Just wondering. After they calm down or have some time away from their new partner do they ever remember the good times you had with them or how they felt about you?  Just having hard day today

[Deeno02]

I dont know. I have a month down and Im still a basket case. I dont even think they realize it. It's all about the new guy or gril. Not you. Youve been painted black as bad. Cant offer much more than that as I'm just as lost. But from what I have read, I dont think they think of us until the replacement juices them.

[crookedeuphoria]

Mine told me the other day that he was going to do the Men in Black memory erase thing.

I think they have to remember, on some level. I mean, they were there too, you know? But I don't think they remember the way we do, they don't remember it with nostalgia or longing. I think they remember it almost as a photograph, an image in their mind, with maybe some vague notion of an emotion attached to it.

[pieceofme]

my ex told me he doesn't think about anyone he doesn't speak to (ie, me). as if i don't exist. as if our memories don't exist.

[Inside]

My xBPgf remembered.  Recycled 7 times, I’d get to hear about it.  I’m convinced they hit a ‘tilt’ point at which they cannot keep the r/s alive, so they bail.  Not because they ‘want to,’ but because it’s become too difficult to keep alive the elution of them being up to a real and lasting r/s. 

I loved the part inside my BP that was real, and I’m sure we all aimed for that … but it’s all the dysfunctional stuff we needed to ignore while focusing on the sweet part that got us in the end.  And all their weirdness intensifies when they become overwhelmed by the adult responsibilities of the r/s ... .then throw fits to back us away (often having prearranged a replacement).  Though it’s never meant forever ... .being with - or without us... .     

…nearly 11 months apart and mines after my attention again. 

We had fun, and she always got more from me than I did her (money, home repair, car care, family time... ).  I don’t know who if anyone she’s been with, only that she’s no doubt been doing her circuit. 

BP’s can’t do the depth of a r/s we’re capable of, so they shoot for fun – reckless, fast, but temporary fun.  I’m sure fun's not all they remember…  They no doubt remember how crazy, mean and ugly they were to us …then wonder why we’d ever take them back... ?  I only hope we can get over the fun…  Guess we’d better create some of our own

[tim_tom]

I think they overwhelm themselves thinking about the bad that they don't have a chance to think of the good... If you pass through tier mind, they associate you with bad...

Mine said she's able to suppress bad feelings when she needs too. Which unfortunately left me wondering if she really felt bad and was just hiding it, or is as cold as she appears to be. I guess either way it doesn't matter

[outside9x]

iNSIDE, Thansk for your remarks.  SO timely.  WE (I) get in a fog.  I get very sensitive and even though I know nothing she said is true, because they ARE

distortions of her memory while she lies even after they rage, criticize, cheat or whatever, you become the target or somehow you forced them to do things they didn't want.  I only remember pouring out love and couldn't wait to be with her, so hot and so much fun, very intelligent, and sometime she would be so receptive to anything and everything, especially in the beginning but then it could change on dime and then the demands and rage would come out of the blue. I had to hear how her whole family is jealous of her looks (by the way, all cosmetically done literally head to toe) and how she wants nothing to do with those losers.  I mean all in her family, aunts, uncles brothers an sisters. yeah, i know I MISSEDD THE BIG RED FLAGS COVERING MY FACE, BUT SHE WAS SO NICE TO ME AND I WAS HER DEFENDER AND SHE LOVED THAT.  OH GOD!  

SO  anyway, You reply was timely, as they paint you black because they have to, they cannot take blame though during one long break up, she did admit several times begging me back she was a b___, mean and cruel and she relaixed it.  You can bet that memory is gone, because its all my fault.  I was impossible but I thought I was perfect.  Ya right.  SO thanks , since we sometimes want the truth.  I got it, wish I could have recorded but doesn';t matter.  I fit right in with her 3 husbands, another husband to be and finacee, and now thst I think of it we bumped into a former love, who saw me wit her and came over to me, and introduced himself, seemed nice, well dressed, and told me I should run, she is really out of her mind!

So, i guess when you get wrapped up in this intoxicating but crazy beauty, you go crazy yourself and then start to question things.  There are so good at it.  I don't thing they need to even think about it.  REally vampires of the soul.

[Infern0]

Only if you are painted white,  which can happen.

Kind of depends on a lot of things.  In my case I seem to be not only painted white but being reidealized which is shocking considering the things she said to me a couple of months ago.

[Lolster]

I think they can remember, if and when they want to, I.E. when you are painted white again.  Mine definitely recalled tiny obscure things when we talked again after 6 years.  It was all good things, or good in his mind, which may have been a slightly different view than mine in some of those memories he brought up.

[hope2727]

Inferno

How did you manage to get yourself painted white again?

[Infern0]

Inferno

How did you manage to get yourself painted white again?

I have no idea.  She told me she hated me,  I was a scumbag who had abused her and caused her so much pain and suffering and she never wanted to see me again. (I hadn't done anything wrong)

We had a massive blow up that had serious effects on our personal situation I mean it was like a warzone,  I truly belived she would never come back I mean that would just be insane after all of this... .

Fast forward about a month of me ignoring her occasional vile, abusive emails and suddenly she "didn't understand why I hate her" and "missed me and thought she was special to me"

Now we are talking like nothing happened.

Down the rabbit hole, my friend

[hope2727]

Down the rabbit hole indeed. I will be watching to see how things go. I just heard from mine after a long period of NC. I haven't responded yet. I don't feel strong enough. Pls keep us (me) posted on how things are going. I am kind of scared to re--engage at this point. I love him and want to be with him but not with the him he is right now. I miss the sweet, smart kind him. I suspect he is not coming back.

[Infern0]

Down the rabbit hole indeed. I will be watching to see how things go. I just heard from mine after a long period of NC. I haven't responded yet. I don't feel strong enough. Pls keep us (me) posted on how things are going. I am kind of scared to re--engage at this point. I love him and want to be with him but not with the him he is right now. I miss the sweet, smart kind him. I suspect he is not coming back.

I thought that too but the last couple of days she has been the old her.

It's weird though once you know what you are dealing with you know you are up against a loaded deck.

I've gone from truly loving this girl and wanting to spend my life with her to still truly loving her but accepting that "a bit of fun" is probably the best I can hope for.

It's horrible to have to think like that. This is why I advise NC because they can corrupt you into something you are not. My thoughts on this whole situation are not me and I don't like it.

I wanted to "save" her but now I'm thinking I'll just enjoy myself until she disregulates again and then block her.

Not me at all...

But I'm compelled to try again.

[hope2727]

I find it so sad that they bring out the worst in us in some ways. I alway believed I brought out the best in him and for a long time (1/5 years) I think we brought out the best in one another. Then a switch flipped and it was like he brought out the very worst in me. Things I would never ever want to be. Things like bad tempered and impatient and avoidant and passive aggressive. Yuck.

I refuse to let that happen anymore. I am wonderful and worthy and deserving of a great partner in life. I will not stoop to anything less than my best self.

[martymcfly5]

I find it so sad that they bring out the worst in us in some ways. ... .Then a switch flipped and it was like he brought out the very worst in me. Things I would never ever want to be. Things like bad tempered and impatient and avoidant and passive aggressive. Yuck

Late this afternoon as I drove into work, I had this same revelation... .I never had anyone bring out the absolute worse in me... .sign me up for Halloween because it was a horror show.  Likewise, I showed the same ill-temper, VERY impatient with her (and this was WITH the help of this site, I still was floundering) and avoidant ... like purposeful MIA. I chalk all those up to being a temporary arsenal of defense mechanisms warding off the bee-swarm of her emotions. I say temporary because I left -- that's correct... I LEFT... .on July 1st. I have been successfully NC for 3 months now. I blocked everything (FB, phones, email) pretty much immediately. I never contacted her in any way, shape or form. Did I have bad days? You betcha, and I would log onto here, read the "Broke NC" stories of the day and see it through that person's eyes and I would be reaffirmed that I have it right and stay the course that has allowed me to reflect and heal.

Do they remember the good stuff? I think for them its like looking a carnival fun-house mirror on some days. All distorted. Other days its looking through a frosted glass door - a silhouette. Neither one remotely close how we remember any of it. I'm glad I'm over my "Yuck" and moving on. 

[bunnysc]

Late this afternoon as I drove into work, I had this same revelation... .I never had anyone bring out the absolute worse in me... .

Same here wow! I was going crazy doing things I never did before! Even worse being with a ''WAIF'' I can tell you that's horrible, such an awful feeling deep inside your heart, body and brain!

[Inside]

I MISSEDD THE BIG RED FLAGS COVERING MY FACE, BUT SHE WAS SO NICE TO ME AND I WAS HER DEFENDER AND SHE LOVED THAT.  OH GOD! 

They’re nothing like us, and that’s good!  While we appear to suffer most, doubting ourselves while taking their criticisms to heart, we’re so much more than they’ll ever be…  Of all the posts I’ve read, I’ve yet to read about two pwBPD coming close to a r/s. 

From all I’ve learned, they destroy all relationships, from family to friends to lovers … and from a very early age.  This appears to become a pattern they not only expect but initiate … if things seem to be going ‘too good.’  And for self preservation purposes, they become quite skilled at blaming someone else, because it would be too painful to admit it was them…

My uBPDxgf was high functioning, which meant she was very clever at hiding her disorder from most.  She was intelligent and disciplined enough …just enough… to fool most of the people most of the time.  But those she took in close experienced the full spectrum of BPD rage!

But the only power they have over us is what we give to them.  If we believe or accept their demeaning treatment, or fall for their adoration … they call the shots.  If we challenge them, they rage.  I slowly took the power from my BPDx by simply believing in myself, my instincts and ability to navigate reality.  Eventually it became obvious, even to her, that she couldn’t do the same … and there was nothing left, no future, no hope, and no point of continuing on together... .

…I’m off topic here, but trying to help (sorry)…  …do they remember the good stuff... ?  They’ve very selective memories, and I totally agree much depends on what color you’re currently painted.  I think they miss, even crave, both the turmoil and the calm.  They provide the turmoil (easy) and we provided the calm (not easy). 

[myself]

I thought that too but the last couple of days she has been the old her.

I wanted to "save" her but now I'm thinking I'll just enjoy myself until she disregulates again and then block her.

Not me at all...

The old her was disordered. The bad, the good, and all of it is who she is.

Enjoy yourself, is that like splitting her black and white? While playing games?

If that's not you at all, why are you doing it? You're choosing these moves.