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Author Topic: Journal: First 60 Days of Detaching  (Read 752 times)
christoff522
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« on: October 15, 2014, 08:48:09 AM »

Okay I've decided to start a journal charting the 60 days of No Contact. Each post will be a new day, so by the end there should be 60 posts. I'll be posting some pretty deep thoughts at times, I will vent, let it out, and hopefully have something special by day 60.

day 1



Okay, I've finally gathered up enough wisdom and balls to go full no contact for the entire 60 days.

I've blocked her in every way I can think of, deleted her number, all texts, blocked her on fb, blocked my access to sites we are connected on. I am full on ghost. I'm not doing this for her but myself. I need to cut the emotional cord.

I'm tired of looking needy and weak, I'm tired of looking at her fb and feeling nauseous because she's posting i love yous to her new bf. I'm a MAN, not a boy, not a little sissy weakling. I need to act like one.

So, here it is, NC BEGINS!

From Tuesday Oct 14 2014 to Dec 13 2014 I will have ZERO contact
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christoff522
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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2014, 08:53:16 AM »

Had a pretty good day yesterday, went on a date, but I felt somewhat held back, NC had only been going for a few hours, I guess I felt  guilt and shame about having feelings for someone else. I also realised that what I felt for my BPD was nothing more than an obsession with fantasy. I do care about her, but not in a truly human way, not carnally, not spiritually. My emotions were exagerrated. Anyway, I've decided to let go of anything negative I feel towards her, she doesn't deserve my hatred, she's ill, what she does she cannot help. Her reality is not our reality. So the best thing to do is to stop hating the dog for crapping on the carpet. She does still warrant fear from me though, because whilst I may feel this way now, I am sure that if she contacted me she could still get to me in a way that no one else can.

I guess it would be nice to quote Prometheus here: "The trick William Potter, is not minding that it hurts"

It does hurt, but not so much that I can't function, I imagine true withdrawl is a way aways yet.

All in all though, despite minor urges to see whats going on, life is going well. The date went well, I'm seeing her again soon. Its nice to 'naturally' evolve a relationship instead of having someone suddenly begin worshipping you.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2014, 10:36:03 PM »

Keep up the good work man

Try not to use the new girl as a crutch.

But I can relate i still have fear of my ex. Keep going.
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christoff522
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« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2014, 05:50:49 AM »

Surprised at myself, I've completely avoided any sites I used to frequent. My goodness I've been tempted to, but I  have with-held.

Interesting that Blimblam said I shouldn't use new plate as a crutch. I have thought about this, but crucially I haven't been. I'm not ready to even get in a relationship right now. Just enjoying her company. I will see what happens in the future.

Today I start Stage 2 of my Alpha male program. I'm very excited about this, I've been seeing great results from Stage 1, which is simply the normalization period. I'm more dominant, happier, more determined. Put it like this, I wouldn't have been able to go NC like this if I hadn't have been following this program.

As for my BPD girl, I'm thinking about her more, mainly at night... weird fantasies where I have superpowers and can cure her of her BPD, and go back in time to save us all this pain. I'm also logically thinking about the words that she's said, and judging them against her actions. But anyways, After 3 days I'm more determined to continue as I am. I look forward to the future, what sort of things I may be posting in 30 days. My friend has messaged me saying that we're going out on Nov 1, so another night of drunken philandering and VIPness.

Also, happy news, My BPD and the stress of her (along with Hank Moody from Californication) got me smoking again, I did so for around a month, and I quit yesterday. Every time I have a cigarette I become depressed, Its like all the energy is sucked out of me, so yesterday I decided to end it.

Also, chocolate chip pop tarts are very sickly.

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Blimblam
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« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2014, 03:59:47 PM »

I started smoking again too I had quit for about a year.

Do you still feel any fog?

Or has that moment you decided this is enough clear things up?
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2014, 04:16:27 PM »

Keep on... .
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christoff522
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« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2014, 06:54:31 AM »

"Blimblam: I started smoking again after watching Californication, it seemed like the character used it as a crutch, and I was so desperate to get my BPD back that I decided that it may give me a sense of self back. It allowed me to wallow, allowed me to experience the emotions I was so desperate to avoid.

I still have FOG, I keep imagining what it may be like to see her again in a few months.

I know I don't want contact, I know where it'll lead. But its hard to break a habit."

I had a horrendous day yesterday, very depressed. Had one cigarette. I also kept noticing people making eye contact, it was quite disturbing. It was like they could see something was wrong, Maybe I normally make eye contact and I wasn't?

I also looked at MY karaoke page, only for a few seconds. Saw nothing on there... but I was disappointed in myself, seeing as I saw nothing of my BPD on there I'm just going to call it a blip and continue. also had 1 cigarette, down from 10 I call that a blip as well.

in 3 days it will be 1 week NC :D
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« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2014, 07:11:59 AM »

I started smoking again too I had quit for about a year.

I started up again as well... Been smoking for 2 months now, after having quit for over 2 years
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christoff522
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« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2014, 07:42:45 AM »

I started smoking again too I had quit for about a year.

I started up again as well... Been smoking for 2 months now, after having quit for over 2 years

Its like we crave any form of stress relief
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« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2014, 01:47:42 PM »

I started smoking again too I had quit for about a year.

I started up again as well... Been smoking for 2 months now, after having quit for over 2 years

Yeah, me too. I used to drink a lot. So a few years ago I made a rule that I will only drink one night a week. It's usually Friday nights. So I was only smoking on Friday nights when drinking, Probably half a pack or so.

When uxBPD did the things she did, I started back smoking also. I'm around 2-3 packs a week now. I've always chewed my fingernails also. But now they are F'n gone. I mean I'll the way to the blood. And if I don't bite them, I'll pick at them with a knife or razor blade. Maybe I need some xanex or something, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .

Any other nail biters here?
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tim_tom
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« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2014, 02:38:01 PM »

Yeah, me too. I used to drink a lot. So a few years ago I made a rule that I will only drink one night a week. It's usually Friday nights. So I was only smoking on Friday nights when drinking, Probably half a pack or so.

When uxBPD did the things she did, I started back smoking also. I'm around 2-3 packs a week now. I've always chewed my fingernails also. But now they are F'n gone. I mean I'll the way to the blood. And if I don't bite them, I'll pick at them with a knife or razor blade. Maybe I need some xanex or something, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .

Any other nail biters here?

ha

1) I was the same with the Friday only drinking night thing

2) I am a nail biter... In fact, it's one of the things my exBPD used to punch me for on occasion. Sometimes she'd gently take my had away from my mouth, other times she'd hit it away, and sometimes, she'd punch me hard in the stomach
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« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2014, 02:59:43 PM »

Yeah, me too. I used to drink a lot. So a few years ago I made a rule that I will only drink one night a week. It's usually Friday nights. So I was only smoking on Friday nights when drinking, Probably half a pack or so.

When uxBPD did the things she did, I started back smoking also. I'm around 2-3 packs a week now. I've always chewed my fingernails also. But now they are F'n gone. I mean I'll the way to the blood. And if I don't bite them, I'll pick at them with a knife or razor blade. Maybe I need some xanex or something, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .

Any other nail biters here?

ha

1) I was the same with the Friday only drinking night thing

2) I am a nail biter... In fact, it's one of the things my exBPD used to punch me for on occasion. Sometimes she'd gently take my had away from my mouth, other times she'd hit it away, and sometimes, she'd punch me hard in the stomach

Ha, ha tim_tom mine did almost the same thing but never punched me in the stomach. She did it for about half the relationship, then she just stopped one day.

I was just reading about nail biting and it's seems that it's a form of OCD. Which I am kind of OCD to a certain point. I have my daily routine, do things a certain way, and am not spontaneous, I try to pre plan things most of the time. Hell my ex used to make fun of me for it, but at least I can love someone. Game, set, match, booya take that exBPD Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2014, 05:08:45 PM »

Nail biting, smoking... .

I'm almost 16 years clean and sober and this r/s brought me the closest to a relapse as I've been in all those years. That's saying something as I've experienced many great challenges in the last 15 odd years... .lost my wife in a fatal car accident, had serous health issues- a stroke, skin cancer and serious damaged ear drum, lost my business, other failed r/s too.

There is something about an annihilated r/s with BPD that can take a person to the brink. I was just thinking tonight about how lucky I am to be out. I'm free from her  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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christoff522
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« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2014, 05:37:38 PM »

Well, she's friends with me on fb again.

Bought a pack of cigs today. For some weird reason I added her.

Amazingly she accepted. Just gonna not speak to her, keep working on myself. No texts, no messaging (unless she messages).

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« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2014, 05:43:47 PM »

Nail biting, smoking... .

I'm almost 16 years clean and sober and this r/s brought me the closest to a relapse as I've been in all those years. That's saying something as I've experienced many great challenges in the last 15 odd years... .lost my wife in a fatal car accident, had serous health issues- a stroke, skin cancer and serious damaged ear drum, lost my business, other failed r/s too.

There is something about an annihilated r/s with BPD that can take a person to the brink. I was just thinking tonight about how lucky I am to be out. I'm free from her  Smiling (click to insert in post)

So you don't smoke or nail bite? No vices resurfaced during this BPD event?
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« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2014, 06:09:51 PM »

Well, she's friends with me on fb again.

Bought a pack of cigs today. For some weird reason I added her.

Amazingly she accepted. Just gonna not speak to her, keep working on myself. No texts, no messaging (unless she messages).

Go Block her man. Mine didn't like me posting lying, cheating, and other assorted memes from the empty bedroom she made me live in when I still lived there. So she removed our relationship status and un friended me. I cried that night and the next morning at 3am when I got to work I sent a friend request and a message to not "stop being my best friend". Later that night she then lectured me about not posting stuff like that on my page.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I resumed posting my "self righteous" memes and didn't reply to her texts about her unpaid ticket. So again she un friended me. I'll post whatever the hell I want to on my FB timeline page, if the truth hurts her feelings, oh the fcuk well. I'll be damned if I re friend her or beg her for anything again. I proceeded to block her and now she can't see $hit. And to do one better, I deactivated my FB account. I'll reactivate it when I want to see what's going on in the FB world and then deactivate again. And if I want to rub it in I'll reactivate and unblock her and share with friends of friends since we have over 100 mutual friends. If she don't like that, she can block me and finalize it. She may have the upper hand at psychological warfare, but I know computers and the internet. She's in my world now. But I'm still NC thankfully.

If she wants to re friend me that's up to her and I'll evaluate the situation then. But now it's on my terms, not hers. She has no choice in the matter anymore. Now if she showed up at my door, that's a different story. Thankfully she doesn't know my address, but I'm sure she could find out if she wanted to. Anyhow just block her and go about your business. If you're NC, all contact should be initiated by her. Then you have the option to accept or deny. But if you're NC, you shouldn't initiate $hit. Sorry, but you needed to hear that. I hope in the future that if I get weak that you tell me the same thing. Cheers old buddy, the weekends are the hardest. Replace her with Jim Beam or Makers Mark and listen to some Pandora radio or something.

BTW, I've been listening to your subliminal thing on stage 1 since the 5th. How's that working for you?
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christoff522
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« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2014, 08:08:45 PM »

Excerpt
Go Block her man. Mine didn't like me posting lying, cheating, and other assorted memes from the empty bedroom she made me live in when I still lived there. So she removed our relationship status and un friended me. I cried that night and the next morning at 3am when I got to work I sent a friend request and a message to not "stop being my best friend". Later that night she then lectured me about not posting stuff like that on my page.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I resumed posting my "self righteous" memes and didn't reply to her texts about her unpaid ticket. So again she un friended me. I'll post whatever the hell I want to on my FB timeline page, if the truth hurts her feelings, oh the fcuk well. I'll be damned if I re friend her or beg her for anything again. I proceeded to block her and now she can't see $hit. And to do one better, I deactivated my FB account. I'll reactivate it when I want to see what's going on in the FB world and then deactivate again. And if I want to rub it in I'll reactivate and unblock her and share with friends of friends since we have over 100 mutual friends. If she don't like that, she can block me and finalize it. She may have the upper hand at psychological warfare, but I know computers and the internet. She's in my world now. But I'm still NC thankfully.

If she wants to re friend me that's up to her and I'll evaluate the situation then. But now it's on my terms, not hers. She has no choice in the matter anymore. Now if she showed up at my door, that's a different story. Thankfully she doesn't know my address, but I'm sure she could find out if she wanted to. Anyhow just block her and go about your business. If you're NC, all contact should be initiated by her. Then you have the option to accept or deny. But if you're NC, you shouldn't initiate $hit. Sorry, but you needed to hear that. I hope in the future that if I get weak that you tell me the same thing. Cheers old buddy, the weekends are the hardest. Replace her with Jim Beam or Makers Mark and listen to some Pandora radio or something.

BTW, I've been listening to your subliminal thing on stage 1 since the 5th. How's that working for you?

Thanks for your words. I won't block her, I do that too often, I needed to garner some self-control, and oddly I seem to have more when she's on my facebook. I'm not talking about contacting her or anything (although technically I broke NC). I just feel better when I know whats happening. I was getting depressed at work for some reason, as soon as I requested her as a friend I felt better, even better when she accepted. Its not her, its me, its my lack of objectivity that's the option. She has made it clear on many many occasions that we're just friends. It's me that's been having the breakdowns, it's me that's been desperate to rekindle the love that's lost. Honestly, aside from the night where we kept kissing and she wanted sex, nothing has really occurred to indicate to me that theres anything more. Right now we haven't spoke, things are the same but with me having a little more knowledge of what's happening in her life. It kinda helps because it shows me I have no part in her life, I'm an outsider, I'm just a fb friend now. I like that.

I wouldn't post anything about her, I wouldn't moan about her, she's done nothing to me... I have no reason to do that. I actually honestly feel now like I've been in the wrong here. We broke up months ago, and y'know, I've been hanging on. She's never lied to me about that. Its my self-control issue, my obsession, my desire for something that right now just isn't possible. If you notice I kicked off NC because of my issues:

Excerpt
I'm tired of looking needy and weak, I'm tired of looking at her fb and feeling nauseous because she's posting i love yous to her new bf. I'm a MAN, not a boy, not a little sissy weakling. I need to act like one.

I'm just gonna grow up a bit. I'm dating someone else, and we're alright.

The subliminals help A LOT, they point me in a direction of having what I want, of what I deserve. I'm so glad you're doing them, they make a heck of a lot of difference, and because of the passivity of it, it's much easier to follow. I hope you're reading the instructions as well!

www.subliminal-shop.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/alpha_male_set_5.0_instructions.pdf

Whatever happens between me and her in the future, it will be ultimately shaped by those subliminals. I'm not willing to focus so much on her, if I'm cutting off all contact it's going to be me forcing myself to do so. Perhaps if I had a week off work I could do that and soldier on through, but either way, I am NC right now, not 100% but more than LC. Perhaps 80% NC. That'll do for me.
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fred6
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« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2014, 08:28:16 PM »

You know yourself better than I do. Just don't get caught up the healing process.  PD traits
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #18 on: October 18, 2014, 03:30:30 AM »

Nail biting, smoking... .

I'm almost 16 years clean and sober and this r/s brought me the closest to a relapse as I've been in all those years. That's saying something as I've experienced many great challenges in the last 15 odd years... .lost my wife in a fatal car accident, had serous health issues- a stroke, skin cancer and serious damaged ear drum, lost my business, other failed r/s too.

There is something about an annihilated r/s with BPD that can take a person to the brink. I was just thinking tonight about how lucky I am to be out. I'm free from her  Smiling (click to insert in post)

So you don't smoke or nail bite? No vices resurfaced during this BPD event?

Thankfully no vices have resurfaced. That said, my mental state has been a shambles and at one point I couldn't sleep, had no appetite, felt dreadful. Depression came back into my life after a long absence. Today I'm ok Thank God  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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fred6
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« Reply #19 on: October 18, 2014, 07:02:06 AM »

Nail biting, smoking... .

I'm almost 16 years clean and sober and this r/s brought me the closest to a relapse as I've been in all those years. That's saying something as I've experienced many great challenges in the last 15 odd years... .lost my wife in a fatal car accident, had serous health issues- a stroke, skin cancer and serious damaged ear drum, lost my business, other failed r/s too.

There is something about an annihilated r/s with BPD that can take a person to the brink. I was just thinking tonight about how lucky I am to be out. I'm free from her  Smiling (click to insert in post)

So you don't smoke or nail bite? No vices resurfaced during this BPD event?

Thankfully no vices have resurfaced. That said, my mental state has been a shambles and at one point I couldn't sleep, had no appetite, felt dreadful. Depression came back into my life after a long absence. Today I'm ok Thank God  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Yeah, had/have all of that. My appetite is slowly coming back. But the sleep thing is weird. Sometimes I'll want to sleep all day and sometimes I can't sleep at all. Hell, got drunk as $hit last night and I'm up right now eating pizza, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). I'm NC, but I'm still waiting for a call or text or something that's never gonna come, haha. Kind of strange... .
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« Reply #20 on: October 18, 2014, 08:39:14 AM »

Thanks for your words. I won't block her, I do that too often, I needed to garner some self-control, and oddly I seem to have more when she's on my facebook. I'm not talking about contacting her or anything (although technically I broke NC). I just feel better when I know whats happening. I was getting depressed at work for some reason, as soon as I requested her as a friend I felt better, even better when she accepted. Its not her, its me, its my lack of objectivity that's the option. She has made it clear on many many occasions that we're just friends. It's me that's been having the breakdowns, it's me that's been desperate to rekindle the love that's lost. Honestly, aside from the night where we kept kissing and she wanted sex, nothing has really occurred to indicate to me that theres anything more. Right now we haven't spoke, things are the same but with me having a little more knowledge of what's happening in her life. It kinda helps because it shows me I have no part in her life, I'm an outsider, I'm just a fb friend now. I like that.

I wouldn't post anything about her, I wouldn't moan about her, she's done nothing to me... I have no reason to do that. I actually honestly feel now like I've been in the wrong here. We broke up months ago, and y'know, I've been hanging on. She's never lied to me about that. Its my self-control issue, my obsession, my desire for something that right now just isn't possible. If you notice I kicked off NC because of my issues:

This doesn't sound like a good idea, the more you keep her in your life, the longer you will be hung up on her and in pain. Let it go
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« Reply #21 on: October 18, 2014, 08:41:28 AM »

Im slowly getting there. Except for the urge to take a paint gun to her car... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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christoff522
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« Reply #22 on: October 18, 2014, 08:43:18 AM »

Thanks for your words. I won't block her, I do that too often, I needed to garner some self-control, and oddly I seem to have more when she's on my facebook. I'm not talking about contacting her or anything (although technically I broke NC). I just feel better when I know whats happening. I was getting depressed at work for some reason, as soon as I requested her as a friend I felt better, even better when she accepted. Its not her, its me, its my lack of objectivity that's the option. She has made it clear on many many occasions that we're just friends. It's me that's been having the breakdowns, it's me that's been desperate to rekindle the love that's lost. Honestly, aside from the night where we kept kissing and she wanted sex, nothing has really occurred to indicate to me that theres anything more. Right now we haven't spoke, things are the same but with me having a little more knowledge of what's happening in her life. It kinda helps because it shows me I have no part in her life, I'm an outsider, I'm just a fb friend now. I like that.

I wouldn't post anything about her, I wouldn't moan about her, she's done nothing to me... I have no reason to do that. I actually honestly feel now like I've been in the wrong here. We broke up months ago, and y'know, I've been hanging on. She's never lied to me about that. Its my self-control issue, my obsession, my desire for something that right now just isn't possible. If you notice I kicked off NC because of my issues:

This doesn't sound like a good idea, the more you keep her in your life, the longer you will be hung up on her and in pain. Let it go

I dunno, I feel much better today, tired, but not depressed like I have been. We're just 'friends' man, thats it. haha
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« Reply #23 on: October 18, 2014, 09:37:47 AM »

Anything less then full on NC... .I would advise 90 days not 60... . as painful and uncomfortable as it is wont get you the clarity you need to move on. If you are harboring the fantasy that going NC will win them back and you will waltz off happily ever after... .with them apologizing and begging you back for the many times they cheated on you, then you need to visit the 3rd floor of your local psych hospital and load up on some Thorazine.

Seriously... . Ive allowed myself to be recycled 7 times in a year and a half for sex. I cant even begin to explain all the spew out of her mouth... .excuses, nasty hating, projection, blaming, manipulating, to the point where it was straight up sex for money. And I allowed

it. I have only myself to take responsibility for it. What is wrong with you that you allow her to do this? What is/was wrong with me?

They wont change... .but you better or you will be in a universe of hurt. Doesn't matter how long you were together. They got to you... .hooked you on sex and lies... .made you want save and protect them... .or some other poison to hook you doesn't matter... .What matters is you are on this board trying to get past it... .sometimes for months and years... .the guys and girls that kicked it and walked away are not here anymore or never were.  

90 days... .for you.  Not to win her back and be recycled.  If you try hard enough she or he will DO you again... .someday. And if you think you really want that then change shrinks.

Im living over a thousand miles away... .and dating my butt off... and honestly my mojo is pretty much back... .and I only think of my ex mind killer every now and then during the day... .but I move on from it... .But I have been NC off and on since last Feb with bouts of intense recycling that set me back to square one.   Its been a week since LC and two weeks before of NC... . so I have a solid week or so under my belt again. I went over 60 days at one point last year... .but when she contacted me I caved... .so here I am again. IF I HAD NEVER allowed way back i would not have prolonged the fantasy.  SEX isn't worth it... .because you take yourself out of the game and the other hotties out there waiting for you get no play.   STICK TO THE 90 and go NC... no facebook, no numbers, no anything ... .lose them, change everything and be free.  
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« Reply #24 on: October 18, 2014, 10:03:13 AM »

Anything less then full on NC... .I would advise 90 days not 60... . as painful and uncomfortable as it is wont get you the clarity you need to move on. If you are harboring the fantasy that going NC will win them back and you will waltz off happily ever after... .with them apologizing and begging you back for the many times they cheated on you, then you need to visit the 3rd floor of your local psych hospital and load up on some Thorazine.

Seriously... . Ive allowed myself to be recycled 7 times in a year and a half for sex. I cant even begin to explain all the spew out of her mouth... .excuses, nasty hating, projection, blaming, manipulating, to the point where it was straight up sex for money. And I allowed

it. I have only myself to take responsibility for it. What is wrong with you that you allow her to do this? What is/was wrong with me?

They wont change... .but you better or you will be in a universe of hurt. Doesn't matter how long you were together. They got to you... .hooked you on sex and lies... .made you want save and protect them... .or some other poison to hook you doesn't matter... .What matters is you are on this board trying to get past it... .sometimes for months and years... .the guys and girls that kicked it and walked away are not here anymore or never were.  

90 days... .for you.  Not to win her back and be recycled.  If you try hard enough she or he will DO you again... .someday. And if you think you really want that then change shrinks.

Im living over a thousand miles away... .and dating my butt off... and honestly my mojo is pretty much back... .and I only think of my ex mind killer every now and then during the day... .but I move on from it... .But I have been NC off and on since last Feb with bouts of intense recycling that set me back to square one.   Its been a week since LC and two weeks before of NC... . so I have a solid week or so under my belt again. I went over 60 days at one point last year... .but when she contacted me I caved... .so here I am again. IF I HAD NEVER allowed way back i would not have prolonged the fantasy.  SEX isn't worth it... .because you take yourself out of the game and the other hotties out there waiting for you get no play.   STICK TO THE 90 and go NC... no facebook, no numbers, no anything ... .lose them, change everything and be free.  

One day I will. Thank you, I like the way you talk man
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tim_tom
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 449


« Reply #25 on: October 18, 2014, 02:36:17 PM »

I dunno, I feel much better today, tired, but not depressed like I have been. We're just 'friends' man, thats it. haha

it's temporary, she accepted you... .you will likely feel worse in a couple of days... maybe the first time she posts something about her new supply
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christoff522
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #26 on: October 18, 2014, 05:28:23 PM »

I dunno, I feel much better today, tired, but not depressed like I have been. We're just 'friends' man, thats it. haha

it's temporary, she accepted you... .you will likely feel worse in a couple of days... maybe the first time she posts something about her new supply

She has posted photos of their halloween party today. Just messaging my new girl instead and it keeps me sane haha
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christoff522
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #27 on: October 27, 2014, 08:11:25 PM »

I have begun No Contact again.  After last week's debacle, she continued LC with me for a week, yesterday I deactivated my profile and she messaged me thinking I'd blocked her. When she found out I hadn't she went quiet, at this point I kinda realised how stupid this was, told her that we should end this amicably and that would be it, I told her to "live long and prosper". I reactivated my profile today and blocked her, deleted her number from my phone.

I don't know, honestly, whether this will last. However I'm telling myself that I can do better than her. I'm in a lot better position than I was last week, it's time to move on now. I'm not making promises to myself but I will take each day as it comes.

If I can do 60 days I will be VERY proud of myself.
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rickdeckard
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: dissolved close relationship w/ "soulmate" from the 7th circle of hades
Posts: 90


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« Reply #28 on: October 28, 2014, 10:04:47 PM »

Excerpt
Interesting that Blimblam said I shouldn't use new plate as a crutch.
Excerpt
Plate? What is that?
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The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
Blimblam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #29 on: October 28, 2014, 10:26:55 PM »

Excerpt
Interesting that Blimblam said I shouldn't use new plate as a crutch.
Excerpt
Plate? What is that?

Lol I'm sorry I use an iPhone with autocorrect and my clumsy thumbs.

I meant the new girl as a crutch.  We all need crutches after being hurt badly. But be honest with yourself and this new person if she is a crutch or not and what the expectations are.  I think the wounds from the trauma of a RS with a pwBPD leave us ripe for codependent relationships. "Finally someone understands me."  I think it's easy to get caught up in a dysfunctional pattern of relationships if we validate ourselves through others. I am not saying it is bad because what we are seeking is compassion.  I liken seeking compassion to seeking Christ but that ultimately that compassion has to come from within and this is how we reunite with Christ, through finding the compassion within ourselves to heal that wounded child.
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