What is a high functioning borderline?

[antelope]

"1. Denial is their primary characteristic. They disavow having any problems and see no need to change. Relationship difficulties, they say, are everyone else’s fault. If family members suggests they may have BPD, they almost always accuse the other person of having it instead. (This is why I strongly advise non-BPs to leave this disclosure to a trained professional)

2. They cope with their pain by raging outward, blaming and accusing family members for real or imagined problems (“acting out”)

3. They refuse to seek help from the mental health system unless someone threatens to end the relationship. If they do go, they usually don’t intend to work on their own issues. In couples therapy, their goal is often to convince the therapist that they are being victimized

4. They may hide their low self-esteem behind a brash, confident pose that hides their inner turmoil. They usually function quite well at work and only display aggressive behavior toward those close to them (high functioning). But the black hole in the gut and their intense self-loathing are still there. It’s just buried deeper

5. If they also have other mental disorders, they’re ones that also allow for high functioning such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). (These mostly appear concurrently in men—especially APD)

6. Family members’ greatest challenges include coping with verbal abuse, protecting children, trying to get their family member to seel treatment, and maintaining their self-esteem and sense of reality. Partners, especially, are in relationships with Cluster Two BPs. "

7. Are often perfectionists in some areas of their lives and sometimes do achieve near perfection in these areas

8. Situational Competence in most places other than the home

9.  Well Thought of in the Community

10. Highly Successful Professionally

11. Lack of Physical Self Mutilation

^^I interpret this as the definition of a narcissist.

IMO, a 'high-functioning BPD' is actually a narcissist. 

IMO, by definition, BPD is a low-functioning condition.  It is exemplified by self-sabotage, self-destruction, and lack of ego.

[Dutched]

Can anyone shed some light on dating or being married to a High Functioning BPD?  I've got my own stories but I'd like to hear yours.

Mainly, I'd like to hear about the mask they put on for everyone who isn't close to them and how they are able to create this balance. 

The points I mentioned as described by Randy Kregar, that was for me in a 30+ yrs. r/s in fact spot on.

When exBPDw was 18 yrs. old, left in an outburst her parents, didn’t want to see them for 9 yrs. Total split black.

During the r/s it was for a 22yrs “dormant” nothing that severe. The last 8 yrs. with exw hell opened it's doors.

Profound but mostly unmentioned even totally unknown is that woman’s hormones change pre memo pause.

Add that with BPD…     

The mask.

A HFBPD is able to function fabulous towards others, specially professional, as those contacts are not close to them, (co workers, social activities, etc.).

However, as experienced during all these years, at the moment exHFBPDw became closer with a person, they were pushed away as they became to threatening, real or perceived (emotionally).

It was for me that “our” friends of over 30+ yrs. were still friends, since exw left they are all my friends.   

Obviously for every one it applies that at home you feel safe and free to do what you want, if you get what I am trying to say

For a pwBPD it is not different, but they crave for love, for care, for safety. So as we were/are the closest to them they expect/expected it from us. Any circumstance outside home that “invalidates” their mask, so feeding their inner turmoil / rollercoaster can only be smoothened by the ones closets to a pwBPD. Unfortunately the one that loves them and is the most closest, gets hit and hurt beyond believe.

Please keep the basis in mind, the emotional core of a 4 yr old child that is still unaware of consequences for  actions.

It is normal that a child of that age overwhelms a parent with  - I love you -

Later when their needs are not met a 4 yr old will say  - I hate you -     

[Dutched]

^^I interpret this as the definition of a narcissist.

IMO, a 'high-functioning BPD' is actually a narcissist. 

IMO, by definition, BPD is a low-functioning condition.  It is exemplified by self-sabotage, self-destruction, and lack of ego.

As I quoted and tried to describe (other very experienced members are able to describe it far better), the term was introduced due to the spectrum of the disorder in order to broaden accessibility/readability for people.

The psychologist Theodore Millon (expert on personality disorders) even proposed subtypes, so :

Discourage

Petulant

Impulsive

Self-destructive

   For me the above mentioned subtypes are not that “accessible”

Low Functioning, from the living train wrack BPD that find great difficulty to coop with daily life (who have an impact of a 10% of the psychiatric services! = A. Skodol / J.G. Gunderson, The Borderline Diagnosis 1= ) up to opposite HF, the ones can manage their lives, be productive  and generally keep their relationships “civil” and appear to be normal driven people one moment then “moody”, inconsistent and manipulative the next.

Please do not forget the very basis of the disorder: attachment, the fear of abandonment

So, yes, from that perspective there is no High or Low Functioning as the core from whom a pwBPD operates is the same.

As we on this Board are armchair psychologists (except for a few professional and/or highly educated members) and in fact trying to explain events from our experiences, IMO we must be aware not to over generalize and label easily certain behaviour and/or link it with disorders that has a different origin but is “used” by a pwBPD. 

True, the highest percentages of comorbid disorders are: NPD, Mood disorder (bipolar), Anxiety disorder, PSTD, Substance abuse and Eating disorder.

As you mentioned the disorder of narcissism. The core (the reason) from which a narcissist (grandiosity) act is different from a BPD (attachment / abandonment).

A sociopath, as mentioned earlier in this topic, does not act from the same core as a BPD. Short: a sociopath does not care for love, nor feels remorse. In contrast a pwBPD, who crave for love, feels deep shame, however can’t process it as we.