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Author Topic: They want someone to fight with  (Read 434 times)
kc sunshine
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 1065


« on: October 23, 2014, 10:16:40 AM »

That's my latest thought about my BPD ex: she wants someone to fight with. Do I want that someone to be me? Nope.

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fromheeltoheal
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2014, 10:21:32 AM »

It she does have this disorder, she wants closeness and intimacy just like all of us, only problem is that closeness and intimacy triggers her disorder, and then the fight shows up.  You can't get what you really want from her, and she can't get it either, from anyone sustainably; that's the difference between ordered and disordered.
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kc sunshine
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 1065


« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2014, 10:28:22 AM »

Yeah, fromheeltoheal, that's a good point. My post was too harsh. Heartbreaking for all involved, really. Thanks for the humanity/lovingkindness of your post. I'll get there again... .
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fromheeltoheal
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2014, 10:45:29 AM »

Yeah, fromheeltoheal, that's a good point. My post was too harsh. Heartbreaking for all involved, really. Thanks for the humanity/lovingkindness of your post. I'll get there again... .

No Worries, harsh is a standard response when we're in pain, been there, just don't make yourself wrong for it, just feel it all the way and it will eventually pass, while we just provide reminders.  Take care of you!
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lm911
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 189


« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2014, 11:26:00 AM »

It she does have this disorder, she wants closeness and intimacy just like all of us, only problem is that closeness and intimacy triggers her disorder, and then the fight shows up.  You can't get what you really want from her, and she can't get it either, from anyone sustainably; that's the difference between ordered and disordered.

That is right. She does not want to fight, the intimacy triggers her and by fighting she sabotages the relationship and pushesh you away.
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peiper
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 805



« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2014, 01:05:50 PM »

Its amazing how these people can be do hurtful and destructive.
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