why do we always assume that ther're happier with our replacement ?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I wonder why we think the grass greener on the other side ,I think a disorder is a disorder they wake up with it go to bed with it what I mean by that is with us .we got use to them being the way they are !

I think being in the new relation there are more careful and walk on eggs themselves , but sooner or latter the anxiety and keeping lovely and happy acting will soon become  little by little an explosion , they hope for better things since oh we are starting fresh clean start oh yeah my A$$.

Look I feel and I know specially when a BPD doesn't work or not capable of working most us nons took care of every little need they had till we didn't have it to give it .

My take on that is no matter how we struggle and say we are in pain  and they are in a honeymoon no they Are Not !

They are in Actingmoon and they are pros T it , but even a good actor forgets his line and I can assure you that they forget more often their the more they are around the new partner , but believe they have  aback up plan , like they did when with us , could be the ex hanging on her chain or someone new .

You never know what's inside a head of a BPD . Don't ever blame yourself ! no matter what you were a good very good mediocre ass , tough boyfriend you could have not change a thing with them they do what the F they want do anyways if you just bought her a Brand new Ferrari she will jump for two seconds and tell I deserve it for putting up with you isn't that right ?

[guy4caligirl]

I wonder why we think the grass greener on the other side ,I think a disorder is a disorder they wake up with it go to bed with it what I mean by that is with us .we got use to them being the way they are !

I think being in the new relation there are more careful and walk on eggs themselves , but sooner or latter the anxiety and keeping lovely and happy acting will soon become  little by little an explosion , they hope for better things since oh we are starting fresh clean start oh yeah my A$$.

Look I feel and I know specially when a BPD doesn't work or not capable of working most us nons took care of every little need they had till we didn't have it to give it .

My take on that is no matter how we struggle and say we are in pain  and they are in a honeymoon no they Are Not !

They are in Actingmoon and they are pros T it , but even a good actor forgets his line and I can assure you that they forget more often their the more they are around the new partner , but believe they have  aback up plan , like they did when with us , could be the ex hanging on her chain or someone new .

You never know what's inside a head of a BPD . Don't ever blame yourself ! no matter what you were a good very good mediocre ass , tough boyfriend you could have not change a thing with them they do what the F they want do anyways if you just bought her a Brand new Ferrari she will jump for two seconds and tell I deserve it for putting up with you isn't that right ?

[DangIthurts]

I mean if I hear or see my ex with someone, she didn't hope right to another as far as I know... .But I'll feel the same way basically doing everything possible to appear happy. Come to think of it, mine never fought with me during our first few months. I mean when I would argue or something she'd never pick a fight the way she did later one, but anyway coming here will at least save me from that you know? From seeing those pictures thinking I suck. And I can only speak for myself but since she came from a less affluent area, the odds of her finding someone even remotely as generous and genuine are far and few between unless of course she picks someone who is even more of a doormat than I was. Then I guess she could be even more happy than with me because she'd have even more control.

Bottom line I don't think I'd be sad if I saw her with someone I'd be sad if they got married or lasted longer than I did... .I already feel awful that I wasn't even kept around long enough as a cheating abusive ex... That guy made it multiple years, :/ needless to say my self-esteem is nonexistent lmao

I kept most of what she did private to protect her, I didn't want family and friends to dislike her you know? It was only after the fact that I mentioned it she still made me feel bad like I was trying to make them hate her, I just had to keep hammering I've admitted all the things I've done wrong to... I probably need to get out , I pretty much only exercise, game and work. I do nothing else... .And then these flair ups happen.

I would just prefer even if its all self interest on her part, to contact me with some semblance of fondness...

I am grateful for reading up on all this stuff, because I will now forever know, all her selfies and inspirational stuff or new pictures with guys would only be a facade.

[Infern0]

It's a trick of the mind to be honest and not grounded in much reality.

Shamefully I enabled my ex in cheating with me on her new boyfriend plus an emotional affair. And from bits I have gleaned,  he's being treated to the same devaluation treatment that I went through.

I can't stress enough that these people do not change.  I've witnessed it from the other side now and been an accomplice of sorts and that really opened my eyes to what she's all about.

It's not nice.

[777Alex777]

I did the same thing dangithurts, I kept her craziness to myself mainly, though I did have some close friends who I would open up to. This allowed her to paint me as the demon who just all of a sudden walked out of her life after 5 years. Oh the stories she tells, wow. none of it true. and I don't even both trying to justify anything to anyone,

the amazing thing is I think most people saw through the BS cause not ONE SINGLE HUMAN BEING has encouraged me to get back together with her, in any way, they have all worked to keep me up and running and far away from her.

and yeah, I know too, you wonder are they actually happier with this new person? even in the best circumstances, when I would have everything perfect, mine was still never happy. ever. not really, there was always fault finding and insecurities. I can be happy and I usually am, and man did that piss her off to just see me happy. The new guy is just fresh meat and honestly has no idea what he is in for. I have no quit in me, and my loyalty and dedication kept me in the relationship even after she revealed she had this to me. Most guys aren't in it to that degree.

[Hawk Ridge]

I always wonder about how it is going aith my replacement.  They have been together for almost 6 months.  My ex dumped me the first time at 5 months, right before my birthday, recycled, and left me for good 9 months later although she was very depressed and dysregulated during the holidays.  I have to wonder if they will make it thru Christmas as my ex has been in contact with me since July.   Crazy making green grass

[BrokenFamily]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship. My ex's replacement is a total downgrade with no car so they take the bus together and without me giving her money anymore they are both broke but she acts like she's having the time of her life. We broke up 2 months ago exactly when they started dating so its still the honeymoon period but I've gotten a few late night calls from her crying asking to be picked up from his house already. Despite me always coming to her rescue I'm still painted black and it's not only me it's also our relationship that was all bad too in her eyes. Tonight I tried to explain to her the replacement was just filling an emotional need for her in an effort to fill the void I left and she became cruel and spiteful. Shes going to try and prove me wrong by being on her best behavior, marrying and having a kid with the guy.

[777Alex777]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship. My ex's replacement is a total downgrade with no car so they take the bus together and without me giving her money anymore they are both broke but she acts like she's having the time of her life. We broke up 2 months ago exactly when they started dating so its still the honeymoon period but I've gotten a few late night calls from her crying asking to be picked up from his house already. Despite me always coming to her rescue I'm still painted black and it's not only me it's also our relationship that was all bad too in her eyes. Tonight I tried to explain to her the replacement was just filling an emotional need for her in an effort to fill the void I left and she became cruel and spiteful. Shes going to try and prove me wrong by being on her best behavior, marrying and having a kid with the guy.

I've seen a lot of this too. And I swear she means it. Every new guy is the new love of her life. The most amazing man she ever met because he brought her a coffee. Meanwhile I fed clothed and cared for her and her daughter endlessly for 5 years. You just wanna kick yourself all the time. How can we be so stupid? because we didn't know then what we know now.

[DangIthurts]

I did the same thing dangithurts, I kept her craziness to myself mainly, though I did have some close friends who I would open up to. This allowed her to paint me as the demon who just all of a sudden walked out of her life after 5 years. Oh the stories she tells, wow. none of it true. and I don't even both trying to justify anything to anyone,

the amazing thing is I think most people saw through the BS cause not ONE SINGLE HUMAN BEING has encouraged me to get back together with her, in any way, they have all worked to keep me up and running and far away from her.

and yeah, I know too, you wonder are they actually happier with this new person? even in the best circumstances, when I would have everything perfect, mine was still never happy. ever. not really, there was always fault finding and insecurities. I can be happy and I usually am, and man did that piss her off to just see me happy. The new guy is just fresh meat and honestly has no idea what he is in for. I have no quit in me, and my loyalty and dedication kept me in the relationship even after she revealed she had this to me. Most guys aren't in it to that degree.

Same man I have zero quit in me... .It got me to wear I was, making the kind of living that I could give her a car, any ring she wanted, house all that. The downside is that I never would have walked. So while I think most here especially those that say it will never change (which I don't think it will) who have dealt with it far longer than I. I still feel like the resources at my disposal, and effort could have impacted her at some point.

I think one of the things that turned me on so much is she was genuinely uninterested in what I could provide [or appeared to be who knows ], again I was a 360 from everything she'd encountered prior, but to hear someone say I'm struggling I can't pay my bills, and when I'd offer months worth of support to ease her worry and have her turn it down... I mean how could anyone think she was in it for the wrong reasons?

Although maybe she liked being in that spot as it enabled the complaining and self loathing as taking help would in most cases lead to better productivity and less stress... .Who knows.

I can at least admit whatever I see is a mask and I think that goes for everyone here ex gf or bf. Outside of major downgrades where those people stay/cling for different reasons than most of us, as it seems like the people on here genuinely want to help their significant other, be supportive no matter what, and just try to be a positive force in someone who'd seen awful crap, and inevitably got beat on.

Frankly I don't feel bad for me, I mean I miss good feelings (granted I can admit they were in-between AWFUl times), but most of all I miss her knowing even if she didn't know it or had it all twisted, having someone that wanted her to succeed and be great and enjoy whatever happiness she could after such a hard life. Thats what bothers me and if 10 years she says she's happy even if I'm still stuck on it or have a soft spot for her. I will at least rest easy knowing she found some peace. But if I'm even more successful with happy family and I hear she's struggling... .It would break my heart regardless of abandoning me like trash or dating sites or whatever.

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship. My ex's replacement is a total downgrade with no car so they take the bus together and without me giving her money anymore they are both broke but she acts like she's having the time of her life. We broke up 2 months ago exactly when they started dating so its still the honeymoon period but I've gotten a few late night calls from her crying asking to be picked up from his house already. Despite me always coming to her rescue I'm still painted black and it's not only me it's also our relationship that was all bad too in her eyes. Tonight I tried to explain to her the replacement was just filling an emotional need for her in an effort to fill the void I left and she became cruel and spiteful. Shes going to try and prove me wrong by being on her best behavior, marrying and having a kid with the guy.

I've seen a lot of this too. And I swear she means it. Every new guy is the new love of her life. The most amazing man she ever met because he brought her a coffee. Meanwhile I fed clothed and cared for her and her daughter endlessly for 5 years. You just wanna kick yourself all the time. How can we be so stupid? because we didn't know then what we know now.

Yeah back when I was trying to figure out what I was dealing with the first time this stuff cropped up and I had never encountered such reactions, when I scrolled through social media I noticed after her LONG relationship it would be WOW I'm so glad I met him he's the most amazing ever, than a few weeks later cheater I caught you all the same. Then another one WOW one thats different amazing then cheaters always. I'll be single now.

[Deeno02]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

[DangIthurts]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

[Deeno02]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

Yes I am. She will never darken my door again. Ever. Short story, on the final attempt to win her back, she said a lot of evil sh@t, 95% totally untrue or made up. The final straw came when she accused my daughter who just moved back home to attend a closer college, of being my wife. Before that, she called her a cock block. Once you stoop to dragging kids into your warped world, no matter how much I was in "love", done. She can go do whatever with whomever, and while it kills me, I can't condone that behavior. Especially when I treated her 5 kids like gold.

[DangIthurts]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

Yes I am. She will never darken my door again. Ever. Short story, on the final attempt to win her back, she said a lot of evil sh@t, 95% totally untrue or made up. The final straw came when she accused my daughter who just moved back home to attend a closer college, of being my wife. Before that, she called her a cock block. Once you stoop to dragging kids into your warped world, no matter how much I was in "love", done. She can go do whatever with whomever, and while it kills me, I can't condone that behavior. Especially when I treated her 5 kids like gold.

I agree man... .Bringing kids into it to hurt you is on another level. I think even I could pull the plug. If she crossed that line than she is basically capable of taking out anything on them to get at you.

Glad your in a better spot than me

[Deeno02]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

Yes I am. She will never darken my door again. Ever. Short story, on the final attempt to win her back, she said a lot of evil sh@t, 95% totally untrue or made up. The final straw came when she accused my daughter who just moved back home to attend a closer college, of being my wife. Before that, she called her a cock block. Once you stoop to dragging kids into your warped world, no matter how much I was in "love", done. She can go do whatever with whomever, and while it kills me, I can't condone that behavior. Especially when I treated her 5 kids like gold.

I agree man... .Bringing kids into it to hurt you is on another level. I think even I could pull the plug. If she crossed that line than she is basically capable of taking out anything on them to get at you.

Glad your in a better spot than me

I wouldn't go that far, but it's more indifference. Bad part is her son and mine are friends and she coaches both our sons in HS Volleyball. It just never ends... .

[DangIthurts]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

Yes I am. She will never darken my door again. Ever. Short story, on the final attempt to win her back, she said a lot of evil sh@t, 95% totally untrue or made up. The final straw came when she accused my daughter who just moved back home to attend a closer college, of being my wife. Before that, she called her a cock block. Once you stoop to dragging kids into your warped world, no matter how much I was in "love", done. She can go do whatever with whomever, and while it kills me, I can't condone that behavior. Especially when I treated her 5 kids like gold.

I agree man... .Bringing kids into it to hurt you is on another level. I think even I could pull the plug. If she crossed that line than she is basically capable of taking out anything on them to get at you.

Glad your in a better spot than me

I wouldn't go that far, but it's more indifference. Bad part is her son and mine are friends and she coaches both our sons in HS Volleyball. It just never ends... .

Yeah I saw that in another post... .LOL you really couldn't make some of the stuff you read up on here if you tried... Sadly.

[Deeno02]

I really just don't care any more. About anything. She can go do what she wants with the replacement. I just don't care anymore. Can't get beat down anymore than I already have so, fu*k it.

If she dumped that guy and said all the right things or came at you with full attention, are you in a place that you can turn her down?

I'm not , I don't even think I'd need full attention I just wouldn't wanna be in competition with other guys, if thats not going on. I feel like I've got another round of abuse to take in me [1000% honest sadly ]

Yes I am. She will never darken my door again. Ever. Short story, on the final attempt to win her back, she said a lot of evil sh@t, 95% totally untrue or made up. The final straw came when she accused my daughter who just moved back home to attend a closer college, of being my wife. Before that, she called her a cock block. Once you stoop to dragging kids into your warped world, no matter how much I was in "love", done. She can go do whatever with whomever, and while it kills me, I can't condone that behavior. Especially when I treated her 5 kids like gold.

I agree man... .Bringing kids into it to hurt you is on another level. I think even I could pull the plug. If she crossed that line than she is basically capable of taking out anything on them to get at you.

Glad your in a better spot than me

I wouldn't go that far, but it's more indifference. Bad part is her son and mine are friends and she coaches both our sons in HS Volleyball. It just never ends... .

Yeah I saw that in another post... .LOL you really couldn't make some of the stuff you read up on here if you tried... Sadly.

There's more, but I'm so done. She did her job and just ruined a good man. It will take awhile but we will be better, they will still suck ass. Funny how no matter which post I read, we are all similar in abuse, some worse than others, but that common string is there with all of us. What a crazy disorder.

[Mutt]

That's a good idea for another thread Deeno02 "What are the commonalities with members in these r/s" That said, I understand guy4caligirl the incredible pain these relationship breakups are on the onset. I'm sorry. I agree the grass is not greener on the other side. As more time passes you'll come to understand how unhealthy the dynamics of the r/s was from both parties. Learn from this experience and take what you own. It's not all for naught. It's incredibly hard when things are fresh. Hang in there.

[Earthbayne]

I'm actually hoping she is VERY happy with my replacement. I hope she is very happy with THREE replacements.

The longer she is all happy and wagging her tail on her end, the less I have to worry about her on my end.

[pieceofme]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship.

i completely agree. what bothers me is the smear campaign my ex ran against me, painting me to be the one who wronged him. i doubt any of his friends (or our mutual friends) know the truth about his cheating and rages.

aside from my two best friends, i haven't tried to defend myself or tell anyone what my ex did to me. all i can hope is that one day they will see the truth about the type of person he really is.

[Mutt]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship.

i completely agree. what bothers me is the smear campaign my ex ran against me, painting me to be the one who wronged him. i doubt any of his friends (or our mutual friends) know the truth about his cheating and rages.

aside from my two best friends, i haven't tried to defend myself or tell anyone what my ex did to me. all i can hope is that one day they will see the truth about the type of person he really is.

Truth has a way of working it's way out on its own. Smear campaigns are tough. I agree don't justify or defend.

[BrokenFamily]

It's just so amazing my ex can't be convinced that she (or anyone) is capable of loving someone they just met!

They both truly believe they are soul-mates that just happened to meet the same week our relationship ended!

It's delusional !

[Deeno02]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship.

i completely agree. what bothers me is the smear campaign my ex ran against me, painting me to be the one who wronged him. i doubt any of his friends (or our mutual friends) know the truth about his cheating and rages.

aside from my two best friends, i haven't tried to defend myself or tell anyone what my ex did to me. all i can hope is that one day they will see the truth about the type of person he really is.

Sure. But in my case I guess she doesn't realize how much of an ass she looks because 1 week she's with me, the next there's the new guy. Don't they realize people folks look at them like "What the heck is this"?

[pieceofme]

I think they act happier with the replacement because they want to prove to everyone and themselves that it was you that was the problem in the relationship.

i completely agree. what bothers me is the smear campaign my ex ran against me, painting me to be the one who wronged him. i doubt any of his friends (or our mutual friends) know the truth about his cheating and rages.

aside from my two best friends, i haven't tried to defend myself or tell anyone what my ex did to me. all i can hope is that one day they will see the truth about the type of person he really is.

Truth has a way of working it's way out on its own. Smear campaigns are tough. I agree don't justify or defend.

i agree! i don't want to say karma, but i think the truth always comes to light.

Sure. But in my case I guess she doesn't realize how much of an ass she looks because 1 week she's with me, the next there's the new guy. Don't they realize people folks look at them like "What the heck is this"?

THIS! SO TRUE! i wonder if anyone sees it that way. now that i see how quickly my ex moves on, and also the number of girls he keeps in rotation, it disgusts me. i wonder how i never saw that from the start... . 

[BrokenFamily]

It's amazing how detached from reality they are. On FB there are years of pictures of our happy family and her posting how much she loves me and the same week she's posting how much she loves the new guy. Anyone who questions it or comments gets blocked! She's deleted all our mutual friends and calls me suggestion I'm putting people up to it when they are just interested in What the heck happened and how she could change in an instant?  

[RisingSun]

Well I think I feel like my xw is happier with the replacement because she was such a hot mess when she left. She would go on and on about how deeply spiritual and amazing their connection was, that replacement was a gift from the goddess. I heard her tell a friend that she felt like she finally found "true love!".

From what she said, this new guy was perfect for her as he was the only person who truly understood her.

Really f'd with my head.

[enlighten me]

Well my ex wife has discovered the grass isnt greener. Apparently she is miserable with her new husband and only staying for the financial stability. Has even been asking her mum about me and telling her how much she misses me.

Rest assured they will never finf happiness. They wont let themselves.