Were you warned?

[bungenstein]

I was, she used it to her advantage, and he came across as the jealous ex boyfriend.

I was told, this girl will ruin your life, you have no idea how f***** up she is, I totally ignored him and I thought he was the crazy one.

He couldn't have spoken a truer word.

[Deeno02]

She warned me. "Better be careful, Im mean". Yep. Thanks for playing...

[Emelie Emelie]

I was warned too.  By someone who knew him.  Who told me he was a complete "douche bag" with women.  I told myself those "women" didn't know he had BPD.  They didn't understand him.  How cliche is that?  Like the mistress believing the wife doesn't understand her boyfriend.  Pathetic.

[SickofMe]

Mine said, "I'm no picnic... .I'm no walk in the park."  Repeatedly, to the point it became a mutual joke!

I guess you could say that he warned me. 

I had a BF before this who was equally horrible.  Early in that r/s his ex-wife told me, "be careful of your heart.  He will tell you what you want to hear."  I felt so sorry for her, the poor woman scorned, who was clearly just jealous of us!  ha ha ha ha ha ha

I bet there is always a warning, if we are willing to hear it.

[Whiteytheox72]

I was... .during one of her oscar worthy waif performances she looked at me doe eyed and asked "how could you ever trust me" and another time she said she was a hot mess. If they warn run lile the wind.

[blissful_camper]

Yes, his ex wife warned me.  She didn't want me experiencing his abuse.  Our stories were nearly identical.  I heeded her warning and left him. 

But before I left, he warned me as well:

"I'm not normal."

"I'm effed up."

"I'm high maintenance."

"I'm difficult."

"I have issues."

I extricated myself once his ex wife shared he had said the same to her    and did nothing about it. (Refused her request for outside help/therapy)

[letmeout]

I was warned by a couple of his friends, and 2 of his brothers that he was friggin crazy. But I overlooked it thinking that he would never go friggin crazy on me.

Wrong!

If more than 1 person tells you that someone is crazy,  believe them and run!

[Pingo]

A year into our r/s I met his family that lived in another province.  His brother's wife told me lots of little things that was her way of warning me that he is very troubled... .and kept telling me time and time again that he is just like his father... .who was an abusive drunk when my ex was a child and looking at it now he probably has BPD too.  I still thought the sun shone out of my ex's a$$ at the time, still in the idealization stage, so I dismissed it... .wish I had asked more questions!

[outside9x]

I was warned twice. Once by her exhusbands girlfriend n her friend that's she is crazy n only loves money. A year n a half later we both bump into her ex boyfriend n his pulled me over to the side quickly before we left n said, you seem like a nice guy u are dating a nut case. Run away.

My exBPDgf saw the exchange n asked what he said n told her the truth. She smirked, had a small 2 second laugh n that was it.  Another time she read a letter to me from a GF she visited in AZ. N it was brutal calling her n inbalanced drug using liar etc etv

[vortex of confusion]

I was never warned. I thought I had done everything right is choosing my husband. Little did I know that he was secretly a sex addict.

[myself]

Yes. Before we dated, by mutual friends. I dove in anyway.

Also by my intuition. I saw     and dove in anyway.

I found out later that other exes of hers had also been mistreated by her.

That was like a wake up call from the past. Bringing the present into focus.

I half-expect whoever she'll be with after me to contact me someday.

Not to warn me (too late for both of us), but to trade war stories.

[Tiepje3]

His medicine-addicted ex-wife of 24 yrs sent me a letter in which she described a few of his anger issues with examples of what he had done. She ended the letter with hoping that sometime in my life a bell would ring and I'd think back to her warning. She never mentioned BPD or NPD though. I told my uBPD/NPDstbxh about the letter and of course he convinced me this letter was from a nutcase and of course her addiction made her act crazy. And of course I believed him... .

The ex-wife died last year of an accidental overdose, but all the bells in town are now ringing. I now understand why she was addicted to medicine, because she probably had no reason to overcome her addiction, living with this man at the time (my stbx).

I've thought about warning the replacement, but I'll probably get the same treatment (yeah, she's crazy, don't believe her) and the replacement is probably a nice girl in love who doesn't know what she's getting in to. Not my responsibility. I have to pick up my own pieces and move on.

[neverloveagain]

When i first started dating mine she told me she was bad news and everyone leaves her, she said she would end up hurting me. Well ten years later when we split up she bought that conversation up, she said didnt i tell you! This would happen sighs yea 10 years ago sheez.

[Infern0]

I was warned by people around me,  they didn't really know her but told me to just be careful etc. She herself warned me about how she always hurts people and is a "bad person" but I couldn't see it and thought she was just being hard on herself. Next minute. ... .

[Recooperating]

Yep I was warned. His xwife posted numerous things about NPD. He ofcourse talked his way out of it, telling me his ex was a psycho and it was a smear campaign.

He woman he cheated with warned me, teamed up with his exwife and stalked me with lots and lots of info on NPD. He went to T and got diagnosed BPD.

I initially believed my exBPD, now I know his xwife must have suffered so much during the marriage. I should have listened!

Funny thing about this, the woman he cheated on me with, the one who sent me emails warning me about his cheating and lying, the one to advice me to run and read up on NPD is now his girl friend! Replaced in 2 weeks... .

A bit bitter, but hell let them ruin each other. She was a know it all, lets see how she takes her own advice. Im NC and staying NC.

[workinprogress]

When my wife and I were first dating, I recall many people just didn't like her.  Men, women, and whatever, they would go out of their way to tell me how they felt about her.

One day, her sisters pulled me aside and said to me how mean she was.  They were really emphasizing this.  Well, I rationalized it by thinking, "everyone argues with their siblings, she would never treat me like that."

Even after we were married, most of the friends we made said stuff to me about not liking her.

I sometimes wonder what I have seen in her over the years.

I must have been lost deep in the fog.

[Shibuya]

I knew her ex who had NPD. He would tell me she was nuts, but I knew her longer than him and she would say hes crazy. Later in their relationship he ended up beating her. I thought he was the bad one. I talked to her and we started hanging out a lot more. Then one day my gut felt weird because she had this strange attitude towards me and said, "Just to let you know, I'm a hand full"  I thought "Hell, I've been in many long term relationships, how bad could it be?"... .   Little did I know, this would be my first BPD relationship. All the red flags became so clear.

Sadly her replacement that I know has anger issues, but they're in the honeymoon phase right now. I want to tell him, but Que sera sera. I give it 3 months.

[Bak86]

Yeah my best friend knew her from high school. Told me she was a bit weird/wild.

[Springle]

You don't understand how much I have to bite my tongue and not call up my non-ex and warn him about the girl he's going out with now.

But the thing is, I'd just look like the bad guy, the bitter ex; there is NO WAY he'd believe me so it's pointless.

He's had enough warnings by watching   after  , her past relationships, her flirty nature, her intense jealousy, her hermit phases, her break downs. He saw all of it before he went out with her and even told me on several occasions when we were together, AND in the short space after we b/u and before he got with her, that she was 'crazy'.

Yet he still chose her. I don't see the logic at all but maybe that's what he truly wants, maybe he gets off on it? I don't know.

I think though, he's quite naive and dense, that he thinks the pills she is taking are freaking magic or something - it'll only last so long until she changes back I feel.

[clydegriffith]

I was never warned but i should have been smarter. She was in her early 20s with two very young kids and out partying at the places i went to. She said she needed an "escape" from the abuse she was dealing with at the hands of her x-husband. Very foolish of me to believe her in retrospect.

She somehow tricked the replacement before the current one to propose but that didn't end well. Latest replacement has been trapped with a recently born child. I'm sure his life is hell as he is being used as a babysitter not just for his kid (alleged) but the other 4 she has that area ll under 6 years old. I would have warned him if given the opportunity.

[outside9x]

Whiteytheox72... Hot mess?

She use to use they term a lot., like she such a  Hot littel Mess, or He such a Hot Mess.  I came to learn that she took a lot of comments etc, from others, and I found out later, they were usually addressed to her, and turned it around on them.

FUrther more, she was the world's best at projecting,which that is per above .  Like when I didn't know she was actively on a dating site, she would accuse me off and on of flirting with someone, and really, I never came close, my eyes were always on her.  Yet, I was accused of exactly what she was doing.  Or lastly, her last message too me was, How could I ever be in love with someone who was so in love with themselves.  You gotta be kiddding me?  I was a step and fetch it goof ball for her.  No More!

[fred6]

I was warned by a couple of his friends, and 2 of his brothers that he was friggin crazy. But I overlooked it thinking that he would never go friggin crazy on me.

Wrong!

If more than 1 person tells you that someone is crazy,  believe them and run!

My ex's son, her brother, her step brother, and she herself always told me that she was crazy. I knew that she was on depression meds and she seemed kind of moody. When they said that she was crazy, it always seemed to me that they were joking around. Joke's on me, suckerrrrrrrr

[maternal]

I was warned by him, repeatedly.

"I'm a monster."

"I hurt people."

"You deserve more."

"I wish I could be more than half of a boyfriend."

"This isn't fair to you."

"I'm not okay."

"I have lots of baggage."

Eventually, the fact that he had warned me became a certain justification for his behaviors.  It was my fault now, because he'd warned me that he has these issues. 

When he told me of his diagnosis, it was present in our lives for about two weeks, then it was as if it never existed.  I offered him all of the information that I could find about treatment, recovery, etc., and he basically just said "no." and went on to occasionally try to find out exactly what was "wrong with him," even though he already had a diagnosis to work with.  He also knew that it is treatable and that the possibility of having real, true, healthy love does exist for him, but he'd rather deny it and speak as if everything is hunky dory.

[antonio1213]

I was warned she told me all this:

"I am a very impulsive person"

"I dont do relationships well"

"I am the biggest b___"

"I am mean"

"I will tell people things to their face, I don't care"

"I am going to be old and alone like my dad, because of the way I am"

A little bit into the relationship:

"I have mental breakdowns"

"I HATE BEING ALONE!"

"I can't control my emotions"

"I am emotional unstable"

"I am mentally unstable"

And the kicker: "I am hard to handle, my mom cried blood one time because I gave her so much stress" (true story too)

Hindsight is 20/20

[enlighten me]

Mine told me shev was hard work. Just a small understatement.

One time she played me a song one of her exs wrote and recorded for her. It wasnt pleasant as it went on about how she hurt people. At the time I thought it was a bit hardh but now I think it was mild.