Adult child continuously harassed by BPD parent

[helpfuera]

Hello, I am posting this here because I feel as if I ned to let this out.

I am an adult 25, and my BPD mother continously harasses me with 3-5 emails a day, and if I do not respond, she threatens me and attempts to call my international number. or tells me that it is "urgent".

I live abroad, and this is still happening. Every time I try to ignore her for a while she goes nuts. She will threaten to sell my car, etc.

I am not financially independent because I may need them to help me with a plane ticket home, I was considering going back to school but due to the abuse and threats I cannot take their offers to help me financially.

I feel sad and depressed.

thank you for listening.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello helpfuera,



No wonder you feel sad and depressed... .You are abroad and feel held hostage. What a vulnerable place to be.

I feel your sadness and stress.

I think that with time, you might be able to figure out a way to feel more safe/secure. There IS hope! 

For right now, what's the minimum that will keep your mom at bay?

Does your mom have the title to your car? Is it in your name? (She shouldn't be able to sell it without your consent... .)

In any case, please keep posting, we are here to support you... .

[Kwamina]

Hi helpfuera

I would like to join pessim-optimist in welcoming you to our online community  I am sorry though for the circumstances that have brought you here. Considering your mother's behavior and threats, I understand why you're feeling sad and depressed now.

Did your mother always behave in a difficult manner? Is she officially diagnosed with BPD?

I am an adult 25, and my BPD mother continously harasses me with 3-5 emails a day, and if I do not respond, she threatens me and attempts to call my international number. or tells me that it is "urgent".

I live abroad, and this is still happening. Every time I try to ignore her for a while she goes nuts. She will threaten to sell my car, etc.

Getting so many emails every day from a BPD mother can be quite overwhelming. What kind of things does she email you about? Perhaps for the time being you could find a solution that is less stressful for you yet still prevents your mother from 'going nuts'. Have you tried only sending her one email a day or every couple of days in which you address certain elements from all the emails you've gotten from her? Do you think this might work?

[funfunctional]

Hi Helpfuela,

I am only responding to say "I am sorry".

I do feel for you & what you are going thru.

I did read the suggestiong from Kwamina about sending perhaps one email a day back.    Will that make is EASIER for you?   

[Rbrdkyst4]

Hi helpfuera!

This would be a perfect time to think about establishing a boundary. Say that you appreciate her emails and you'll email her once a day, but she has to realize that you can't always respond immediately due to your work. It's a start I guess

[Daliah]

That's bad. The only thing I can recommend is financial independence as soon as you can manage it. It may not get your mother off your back, but you can be far more resolute when her disapproval isn't an immediate existential threat to you.

If she acts out-and-out crazy, it may actually help you, in that you may be able to get a restraining order for someone, even a family member, who is obviously deranged and won't leave you alone. It's harder when they stay just on the border to obviously crazy while they keep harassing you, at least as far as the provable stuff goes.

Mine have been at it for over a decade, so I don't exactly have good news for you. But financial independence is the best first step that I know of to protecting yourself, even if it does come with drawbacks, like not being able to go back to school as soon as you might like to.

[workinprogress]

Helpfuera, I had the same problem in my late teens and early 20's.  It was almost as if my parents were stalking me and trying to ruin any chance I had at establishing myself.

Firm boundaries are a must.  Let your mom know that you are an adult now.  It is your life, she did her part, and now you must establish yourself.

One important thing here... .my parents created so much drama for me that I never really got to look at the big picture in my life.  I never really got to plan out my career, my savings, my retirement and general goals.

This is crucial.  Think long term.

Also, avoid getting involved with people that have the same traits as your mother, because the reality is, that type of behavior is what we are most comfortable with.