xBPD husband has been gone for two weeks. Moved at my request into a room sharing with a couple of others. I just couldn't take all of the acting out anymore including infidelity, porn, websites, etc. We were in counseling for the last year because of infidelity and a## clown behavior, including copious amt of pot smoking, This is a 50 year old man doing this crap and it just made my head spin. I kept at it because we have been together for 25 years and wanted it to be different. I thought he could get help, was addicted to porn/sex and pot ,and I could somehow power my way through it and help him fix it. The last great fixer of all things, ha. Then I found out that he has BPD. Counselor told him, you don't have a pot problem, you have a personality disorder and behavioral issue. He was proud of it, telling me see! I told you that I didn't have an addiction! WOW, really? Anyway it degenerated to the point I felt I would be insane if it didn't get away from him.
Now after two weeks and him avoiding me and only coming to the house to leave bills on the counter for me to pay. I am an emotional wreck and feel like an empty shell of person. I am having such a hard time and he is running around just fine. I realized today that for the past two weeks I have done nothing but think about him and be miserable. I was standing in the bathroom and noticed that the floor was filthy, not just dirty but filthy because I had not swept or vacuumed for two weeks. And then I started to look around my house and yep the whole place was a sty. Its like I woke up from a dream or something. I am just so upset with myself. I think I am depressed or PTSD?
I was w my exh for 25 years also.
When my 'healing' began to heal by leaps and bounds?
When I threw him, and all of his stuff, out AND I blocked him on all forms of communication (except email, because until the house sells, I do have to talk to him about thing that pertain to the house).
ONCE he was out of my face / our of my ear / out of my space... .the healing really began.
I have goals.
Sell this house. Pack up, move from IN to FLA. Find a new house and start creating a new home for my kids.
Find a new job, start my own business, connect with my new community... .
I focus 100% on these goals.
In my 'not medical' opinion what you have described is a lot like the deep debilitating depression I went thru... .and still have days where I just don't want to do anything (I no longer have negative thought patterns, but simply don't want to do anything)... .
Check your community for a local women's abuse center / shelter.
They have counselors that that specialize in what you have been thru... .and know how to help guide you back to 'normal'.