Strange friend requests, texts and then a phone call.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Has anyone else received strange friend requests on FB, I received quite a few and get them still from time to time. New profile and no friends and it's always a cute woman. A week or so ago I started getting strange texts. So far I have someone in New Jersey,  California and Illinois that say their sorry and wish we could talk. I figured it was her because she's a flight attendant,  or as I used to tell her when she was ragging" a flying cocktail waitress". Anyway last week she calls and tries to engage me in a conversation,  I reminded her we have a restraining order,which she acted as if I hadn't said a thing. So I informed her I was going to record all future calls from strange numbers and if it was her I would take the appropriate action. Then I hung up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed she got the point. So far so good.

[peiper]

Has anyone else received strange friend requests on FB, I received quite a few and get them still from time to time. New profile and no friends and it's always a cute woman. A week or so ago I started getting strange texts. So far I have someone in New Jersey,  California and Illinois that say their sorry and wish we could talk. I figured it was her because she's a flight attendant,  or as I used to tell her when she was ragging" a flying cocktail waitress". Anyway last week she calls and tries to engage me in a conversation,  I reminded her we have a restraining order,which she acted as if I hadn't said a thing. So I informed her I was going to record all future calls from strange numbers and if it was her I would take the appropriate action. Then I hung up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed she got the point. So far so good.

[peiper]

I just cannot believe the games these people are capable of.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sometimes it's easier to see a borderline as someone who doesn't know who they are, have deep shame, think they need to attach to someone or cease to exist, and have learned that blaming other people for everything makes them feel better, relieves them of responsibility.  Our pain comes from expecting something different than that from someone who is incapable; letting going of that expectation, and the hope that goes with it, and shifting our focus to the future is the path to freedom.

[peiper]

Sometimes it's easier to see a borderline as someone who doesn't know who they are, have deep shame, think they need to attach to someone or cease to exist, and have learned that blaming other people for everything makes them feel better, relieves them of responsibility.  Our pain comes from expecting something different than that from someone who is incapable; letting going of that expectation, and the hope that goes with it, and shifting our focus to the future is the path to freedom.

The only expectations I had is she honor her bogus restraining order and leave me alone. She dragged me through the court system and having to have the realization that our marriage was a farce, that she was cheating not months, but weeks after we were married. I have no empathy for her. I just want to be left alone to live my life without all the crazy making.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sorry man, I hope she does find shiny objects elsewhere and leave you alone; everyone here has had it with the crazymaking.

[peiper]

Sorry man, I hope she does find shiny objects elsewhere and leave you alone; everyone here has had it with the crazymaking.

I didn't mean to sound like I was going off on you brother. I'm just fed up. I've gone the full spectrum,  wanting her back no matter what had happened,  to my God did that really happen, to where I am now, which is leave me frick  alone!

[Mutt]

Sometimes Pieper we have to re-enforce the boundary. Ex harassed me to the point that I warned her. I don't have an RO. I called the cops and they had a talk with her and her haranguing behaviors stopped for awhile. Can you call the cops?

[peiper]

Sometimes Pieper we have to re-enforce the boundary. Ex harassed me to the point that I warned her. I don't have an RO. I called the cops and they had a talk with her and her haranguing behaviors stopped for awhile. Can you call the cops?

I don't have proof it's her she flys all over the country, so who knows a pay phone or most likely another flight attendants phone, she used to do that a lot saying she had lost hers Mutt and I've already seen which way the legal system leans. I just want her to stick with what she asked for in court. On top of that I've come to realize she is capable of anything when rejected.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sorry man, I hope she does find shiny objects elsewhere and leave you alone; everyone here has had it with the crazymaking.

I didn't mean to sound like I was going off on you brother. I'm just fed up. I've gone the full spectrum,  wanting her back no matter what had happened,  to my God did that really happen, to where I am now, which is leave me frick  alone!

Oh I understand fed up, no worries.  You sound angry, which is good, we can use that to strengthen our resolve.  Also, anger is a phase that may pass too, to make way for whatever's next.  Hang in there, and take care of you!

[Mutt]

fromheeltoheal has a point with frustration and anger. Can you let calls go to voicemail if you don't know the number? I only pick up the phone that's in my contacts. Strange numbers go to voicemail. I've told ex not to call. She'll test from time to time. Sounds to me like there might be trouble in paradise.

The goal is to set the boundary on you. A boundary could be if she calls I let it go to VM that way you have proof as well if she leaves a message   If she does X, I respond with Y. Your re-enforcing that she can call by picking up. She'll get the picture eventually.

[peiper]

fromheeltoheal has a point with frustration and anger. Can you let calls go to voicemail if you don't know the number? I only pick up the phone that's in my contacts. Strange numbers go to voicemail. I've told ex not to call. She'll test from time to time. Sounds to me like there might be trouble in paradise.

The goal is to set the boundary on you. A boundary could be if she calls I let it go to VM that way you have proof as well if she leaves a message   If she does X, I respond with Y. Your re-enforcing that she can call by picking up. She'll get the picture eventually.

At the moment no. I'm having mortgage problems and these people seem to call from all over the country. I don't want them to think I'm blowing them off.

[Mutt]

fromheeltoheal has a point with frustration and anger. Can you let calls go to voicemail if you don't know the number? I only pick up the phone that's in my contacts. Strange numbers go to voicemail. I've told ex not to call. She'll test from time to time. Sounds to me like there might be trouble in paradise.

The goal is to set the boundary on you. A boundary could be if she calls I let it go to VM that way you have proof as well if she leaves a message   If she does X, I respond with Y. Your re-enforcing that she can call by picking up. She'll get the picture eventually.

At the moment no. I'm having mortgage problems and these people seem to call from all over the country. I don't want them to think I'm blowing them off.

Understood. You can't control someone else and what they do. You can control you. That being said, this may blow over. If she's calling frequently that telegraphs that she may be getting intimate and looking to sooth. Don't get too worked up, I understand the frustration and it's tough. It may go away on its own or it could get worse. Deal with it as it comes.

She's mentally ill. Has poor boundaries and a poor understanding of boundaries. Don't expect her to understand that when you tell her not to call, that she gets the message is my point. There's an underlying reason why that she doesn't understand herself.

[Blimblam]

Good your angry!

That's when enough is enough and setting and keeping a boundary becomes much easier. 

[peiper]

Good your angry!

That's when enough is enough and setting and keeping a boundary becomes much easier. 

This boundary was set several months ago. Thank the good Lord she didn't pull this a month or two after the BU , I would have been falling down happy instead of angry and wanting left alone.

[Pingo]

I don't answer ANY calls that I don't recognise and I figure if it's important they'll leave a message and I'll get back to them.  Better than risking picking up and it being the ex.  After reading some of the horrifying stories of men on here dealing with the police and restraining orders I'd be protecting myself any way possible.

[GhostDad]

I don't answer ANY calls that I don't recognise and I figure if it's important they'll leave a message and I'll get back to them.  Better than risking picking up and it being the ex.  After reading some of the horrifying stories of men on here dealing with the police and restraining orders I'd be protecting myself any way possible.

So let me get this straight-

She swore out an order of protection , against you? And now she's calling you on the phone?

On what grounds was she able to get the PO?

And BTW-

I've had a RO against me now for well over a year. I could very easily go on for the rest of my life without it bothering me one bit, however we have kids together and it's used as a tool of punishment against me. Nothing more.

And, she doesn't honor the terms of her own order! I can't tell you how many times she's called, text, and followed me out into the street screaming, trying to get me to respond and violate the PO. She had even tried reaching out for my hand once, while her and I were at the hospital during our child's procedure. I practically ran out of the room.

In any event, now that there's absolutely no contact of any kind (direct or indirect though the kids or anyone else), she's been reduced to creating accusations out of whole cloth. Whereas prior to that, all of my interactions with the kids were pathetically twisted and used as her fuel for new accusations.

Good luck.

[Aussie0zborn]

After I left her the first time I got random FB requests and I fell for the first one. Her first question was, ":)o you have a girlfriend?" I deleted. My family also got bogus friend requests.

The second time I got numerous bogus FB friend requests.  I moved out of town into a house we own. The new friend requests were now from women who were born and living in my little seaside town. Usual pattern... .new FB profile, attractive lady in photo, no FB friends but on this occasion there were quite a few friends... .all of whom have 3,000 FB friends which means they accept friend requests from anyone.

Anyway, we're in court with her urgent application to have me evicted from the house so that SHE could rent it out, claiming I didn't really live there. I presented screenshots of all the FB friend requests from these local women and said, "I have immersed myself in the local community, doing volunteer work already and I'm still getting FB friend requests from local people I don't even remember meeting". As you can guess, the fake FB friend requests stopped as soon as I used it to my advantage.

It was interesting to note that the first time she used photos from self-help websites.  The second time around, from Arabic themed websites. You can check where a photo came from by checking the Tineye website.

[peiper]

I don't answer ANY calls that I don't recognise and I figure if it's important they'll leave a message and I'll get back to them.  Better than risking picking up and it being the ex.  After reading some of the horrifying stories of men on here dealing with the police and restraining orders I'd be protecting myself any way possible.

So let me get this straight-

She swore out an order of protection , against you? And now she's calling you on the phone?

On what grounds was she able to get the PO?

And BTW-

I've had a RO against me now for well over a year. I could very easily go on for the rest of my life without it bothering me one bit, however we have kids together and it's used as a tool of punishment against me. Nothing more.

And, she doesn't honor the terms of her own order! I can't tell you how many times she's called, text, and followed me out into the street screaming, trying to get me to respond and violate the PO. She had even tried reaching out for my hand once, while her and I were at the hospital during our child's procedure. I practically ran out of the room.

In any event, now that there's absolutely no contact of any kind (direct or indirect though the kids or anyone else), she's been reduced to creating accusations out of whole cloth. Whereas prior to that, all of my interactions with the kids were pathetically twisted and used as her fuel for new accusations.

Good luck.

She got it by saying I threatened to kill her, which I didn't.  But it seems here that if you can pee standing up your automatically guilty.

[GhostDad]

I don't answer ANY calls that I don't recognise and I figure if it's important they'll leave a message and I'll get back to them.  Better than risking picking up and it being the ex.  After reading some of the horrifying stories of men on here dealing with the police and restraining orders I'd be protecting myself any way possible.

So let me get this straight-

She swore out an order of protection , against you? And now she's calling you on the phone?

On what grounds was she able to get the PO?

And BTW-

I've had a RO against me now for well over a year. I could very easily go on for the rest of my life without it bothering me one bit, however we have kids together and it's used as a tool of punishment against me. Nothing more.

And, she doesn't honor the terms of her own order! I can't tell you how many times she's called, text, and followed me out into the street screaming, trying to get me to respond and violate the PO. She had even tried reaching out for my hand once, while her and I were at the hospital during our child's procedure. I practically ran out of the room.

In any event, now that there's absolutely no contact of any kind (direct or indirect though the kids or anyone else), she's been reduced to creating accusations out of whole cloth. Whereas prior to that, all of my interactions with the kids were pathetically twisted and used as her fuel for new accusations.

Good luck.

She got it by saying I threatened to kill her, which I didn't.  But it seems here that if you can pee standing up your automatically guilty.

Document the call as best you can and present it as evidence to the court that her allegations and fears are indeed baseless. The order of protection is an ongoing violation of your civil rights that exposes you to near constant threat of arrest.

It should be dropped and she should be sanctioned in some manner for misrepresenting (lying) to the court.

This is a clear case of restraining order abuse.