How to deal with Argument with BPDx

[clydegriffith]

I consider myself  kind of well versed on BPD, having had to deal with my daughter's mother for about 5 years now but even with the knoweldge i have it's hard to put to use in real world situations sometimes.

She texts me this afternoon saying she needs more money for my daughter and threatens to take me to court even though i give her close to $1,000 a month for support which is relatively in line with what  guidelines for my income and she tries to make it seem like that's nothing and insinuating i'm some sort of dead beat. She lives in a tiny town in the middle of no where with a low Cost of living and i'm in the biggest city in the world. Anyhow, i lose my cool and go over her many transgressions, call her a few names, etc etc. Something like this hadn't happened in almost 6 months and i had been doing fine then. My hands were shaking immensely and my heartbeat skyrocketed during the back and forth with her, reminiscent of the nightmare days of when i was with her. She even accused me of having BPD after i told her she needs help for it.

Just wanted to vent. Feel like crap and that ruined my day. I'm supposed to go have a nice dinner tonight but now this is on my mind.

[BrokenFamily]

I dread this in my future... .

Our daughter is 16 months old and we have a verbal shared custody agreement since its only been 2 months and she seemingly has no interest in even spending time with our daughter the 3 days a week she has her.

I'm very careful not to say anything that will upset my ex and always use an uplifting tone. I go so far as to watch comedy videos on YouTube prior to returning her call and never pickup immediately when she calls as not to get caught off guard or be unprepared.

It's been my experience that it takes two to tango with her anger, so when I hear the tone in her voice change I either change the subject or say I have another call.

I'm no expert as I'm very new to this BPD stuff and I'm sure her tone words and reasoning was inappropriate but that is out of your control. Your reaction however is in your control and that is the source of your frustration. It's understandable to react negatively when you feel threatened, badgered and as though you are being treated unfairly. My ex says and does things similar just to get a reaction out of me then becomes a sweetheart when she realizes I'm no longer phased by her torment. I've been called a deadbeat dad which is laughable because I spent much more time with my daughter then her and pay for everything she has and needs. I look at it as if she's calling me an orange, I know I'm not an orange because I am indeed a good apple, the distorted opinions of a sick person mean absolutely nothing to me.

Don't let it ruin your day, I'm sure she has ruined enough of your days. Let it be a learning experience and celebrate that fact that you no longer have to deal with her on a daily basis!

[clydegriffith]

If your x is anywhere near as vindictive as mine and you make a decent living be prepared for the child support threats in the future. The system ends up crippling any guy that is middle to upper middle class and she will find that out if she doesn't already know it. I'm so mad about all this because the X was just friends with benefits that trapped me with a kid to escape the disaster she had made for herself with the guy she was with before me.

I don't mean to sound overly sexist or anything but i have no doubt that all these laws that are supposed to benefit women, Domestic Violence Laws, Child Support Laws, etc,  have broken up more families than they've saved. I'm just completley disgusted at the things they can get away with then use the system to destroy us financially and otherwise. When they do the same they are not held accountable. The BPDx lost custody of the two kids she had before mine and pays $100 in support if that and she's complaining that my $800 isn't enough. It's ridiculous.

Rant over.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry for the experience you had with your BPDex. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. Don't pay her a cent more than what is required by court order. It's emotional blackmail when she insinuates you're a deadbeat. Her FOG. A goal can be to depersonalize and become indifferent to this behavior. You're not obligated. I'm sorry this triggered you and it happens.

She's not feeling good about money (her feelings) and you're not obligated to rescue her. Don't enable. Try and have a good dinner and let this go.