help me please...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm very very sorry for this topic, but I just can't help myself for feeling so sad, weak, hurt... I can crawl onto the walls, I just cry and remember all the good, remember all the love.

I went NC from the 21 of October, blocked her everywhere, Facebook, whatsapp and everything.

But we join a big message board (forum) about horses and sometimes I can't help myself read messages...

She going on a vacation, buys a lot of clothes and goes out often. You know she never had money, in fact she had minus 1000 euros of money... In September she told me: I can't buy a horse and a week later she bought one... I know her new love or must I say victim is someone she cheated with when we where togheter 2 years ago, that person was a friend of mine too, well not anymore...

I was the one who broke up the 10th of August, but I miss her, she kept me at a line all telling me she loved me, didn't want anyone else and wanted to get back togheter...

I'm so hurt, so badly hurt... Please can someone tell me she isn't really happy even when I read all those things.

[balou_k]

I'm very very sorry for this topic, but I just can't help myself for feeling so sad, weak, hurt... I can crawl onto the walls, I just cry and remember all the good, remember all the love.

I went NC from the 21 of October, blocked her everywhere, Facebook, whatsapp and everything.

But we join a big message board (forum) about horses and sometimes I can't help myself read messages...

She going on a vacation, buys a lot of clothes and goes out often. You know she never had money, in fact she had minus 1000 euros of money... In September she told me: I can't buy a horse and a week later she bought one... I know her new love or must I say victim is someone she cheated with when we where togheter 2 years ago, that person was a friend of mine too, well not anymore...

I was the one who broke up the 10th of August, but I miss her, she kept me at a line all telling me she loved me, didn't want anyone else and wanted to get back togheter...

I'm so hurt, so badly hurt... Please can someone tell me she isn't really happy even when I read all those things.

[finallyfreedom]

I'm very very sorry for this topic, but I just can't help myself for feeling so sad, weak, hurt... I can crawl onto the walls, I just cry and remember all the good, remember all the love.

I went NC from the 21 of October, blocked her everywhere, Facebook, whatsapp and everything.

But we join a big message board (forum) about horses and sometimes I can't help myself read messages...

She going on a vacation, buys a lot of clothes and goes out often. You know she never had money, in fact she had minus 1000 euros of money... In September she told me: I can't buy a horse and a week later she bought one... I know her new love or must I say victim is someone she cheated with when we where togheter 2 years ago, that person was a friend of mine too, well not anymore...

I was the one who broke up the 10th of August, but I miss her, she kept me at a line all telling me she loved me, didn't want anyone else and wanted to get back togheter...

I'm so hurt, so badly hurt... Please can someone tell me she isn't really happy even when I read all those things.

I could tell you what you want to hear.

But if I've learned anything from my own experience and everything I've read since... .I gotta tell you what you need to hear.

Your girl is "happy" with your replacement, just like she was "happy" with you when you replaced someone. I know it hurts like hell, I know what its like to lie in bed at 4 in the morning knowing that you broke it up for the right reasons but still wanting it all to be a bad dream and to wake up back into your loving relationship. I know you're in pieces but the only thing you can and should do, is pick up your pieces and start putting them back together as best as you can.

Look yourself in the mirror, stop feeding or resisting all those emotions, and just ask yourself honestly if "that kind" of a person deserves your love.

[balou_k]

Wow does that hurt, I don't deserve this pain and I don't want it either... When does the pain fade away?

I don't want her to be happy, I wish she is unhappy, I wish she gave me some credits begging for my attention. And I don't know myself like this not at all...

I know you are right but I wish you weren't...

I want her back, I want a re-engegement... I know it's bad, but we had a relationship for more then 3 years how the hell can she have forgotten me already?

[Deeno02]

I'm very very sorry for this topic, but I just can't help myself for feeling so sad, weak, hurt... I can crawl onto the walls, I just cry and remember all the good, remember all the love.

I went NC from the 21 of October, blocked her everywhere, Facebook, whatsapp and everything.

But we join a big message board (forum) about horses and sometimes I can't help myself read messages...

She going on a vacation, buys a lot of clothes and goes out often. You know she never had money, in fact she had minus 1000 euros of money... In September she told me: I can't buy a horse and a week later she bought one... I know her new love or must I say victim is someone she cheated with when we where togheter 2 years ago, that person was a friend of mine too, well not anymore...

I was the one who broke up the 10th of August, but I miss her, she kept me at a line all telling me she loved me, didn't want anyone else and wanted to get back togheter...

I'm so hurt, so badly hurt... Please can someone tell me she isn't really happy even when I read all those things.

I could tell you what you want to hear.

But if I've learned anything from my own experience and everything I've read since... .I gotta tell you what you need to hear.

Your girl is "happy" with your replacement, just like she was "happy" with you when you replaced someone. I know it hurts like hell, I know what its like to lie in bed at 4 in the morning knowing that you broke it up for the right reasons but still wanting it all to be a bad dream and to wake up back into your loving relationship. I know you're in pieces but the only thing you can and should do, is pick up your pieces and start putting them back together as best as you can.

Look yourself in the mirror, stop feeding or resisting all those emotions, and just ask yourself honestly if "that kind" of a person deserves your love.

I know what you are feeling. But done is done. We experienced abuse. Not gonna sugar coat it. Try to fit those shattered pieces back together. Easier said than done as Im putting them back myself. And while it still bugs me, Im so much better off then those 16 months with her.

[fred6]

Wow does that hurt, I don't deserve this pain and I don't want it either... When does the pain fade away?

I don't want her to be happy, I wish she is unhappy, I wish she gave me some credits begging for my attention. And I don't know myself like this not at all...

I know you are right but I wish you weren't...

I want her back, I want a re-engegement... I know it's bad, but we had a relationship for more then 3 years how the hell can she have forgotten me already?

I know this is hard for you. One thing that helps is to not take it personal. I know that is easier said than done, but if your ex really is BPD, it's a cycle that will continue. So, in effect it has nothing to do with you as a person. She probably did the same thing with the guys before you and will do the same to the guys after you.

[guy4caligirl]

5 years in RS 4 month  she's gone vanished .

It will hurt and you get in a shock so I feel your pain but look how many we are on this site going through the same agony.

They are just heartless they have zero compassion , selfish big time ,why does it hurt more when a BPD relation brakes .because normal people have compassion and can't fall in love after a long relation so they help but these BPDS can fall in love in half an hour to replace us .

Am animal won't hurt another animal like they do us . They are just stuck in their own world I don't want to call Fantasy it's Misery , you will consider your self lucky when you start feeling better we all been in your shoes .

Hang in there man!

[Caredverymuch]

I'm very very sorry for this topic, but I just can't help myself for feeling so sad, weak, hurt... I can crawl onto the walls, I just cry and remember all the good, remember all the love.

I went NC from the 21 of October, blocked her everywhere, Facebook, whatsapp and everything.

But we join a big message board (forum) about horses and sometimes I can't help myself read messages...

She going on a vacation, buys a lot of clothes and goes out often. You know she never had money, in fact she had minus 1000 euros of money... In September she told me: I can't buy a horse and a week later she bought one... I know her new love or must I say victim is someone she cheated with when we where togheter 2 years ago, that person was a friend of mine too, well not anymore...

I was the one who broke up the 10th of August, but I miss her, she kept me at a line all telling me she loved me, didn't want anyone else and wanted to get back togheter...

I'm so hurt, so badly hurt... Please can someone tell me she isn't really happy even when I read all those things.

I am so sorry for your pain and I understand exactly how you feel.  This is such a difficult experience and no one here deserved or did anything to warrant such heartache.

For some reason today has me with that same question.  How could I just be erased? When all I did was love.  How could someone who needed so much from me day and night, placed such importance in my presence in their life, sob, plead, become nearly catatonic with the near thought of losing me.  Become the very same version of what you are seeing in your ex.

Appearing so happy. So confident. So all better. So unaffected by the lose of me. As if none of it not I ever existed.  

All I can tell you is this: our partners have a serious mental illness.  :)o " happy" ppl walk out on loving r/ s and begin a new one immediately ?  :)o happy ppl hurt others, disordered or not? Do happy ppl erase the very ppl who loved them?  

No.  They don't.

This is a cruel disorder and incredibly difficult to depersonalize behaviors that leave such horrific emotional carnage.  

If your ex is identified as BPD, I can assure you she is not " happy" in the way you currently believe.   These patterns are her life.  

When I was in t after my r/s ended in about the same time frame as you, I saw two t's. One had also seen my ex for a limited time. The other was a trauma t who specialized in BPD.  

I repeatedly asked the very same. I was so incredibly hurt.  Always. Always. The answer was this " No, he is not happy. He is a very sick man."

Be gentle w yourself. Keep posting. Know that we understand and have felt exactly as you do.

[balou_k]

Fred

I know I don't need to take it personal but I kinda do... It's feels so personal...

And she is really diagnosed with borderline yes, oh and I'm a girl.

Guy4

It really does does it? Hurt more then ending a 'normal' relationship... A lot of my friends don't understand why I'm still hurt and sad, they can't truly understand...

Caredverymuch

wow... You tell exactly what I mean... I felt so important, she made me feel that way, like she needed me, wanted me and never wanted to lose me... And then all of a sudden I'm nothing... That's how I feel I guess, nothing...

And while I feel bad and sad she seems to be so happy... All of a sudden she has the money to buy a horse, to go on vacation with Christmas's and to buy a lot of clothes... She never had any money... It's like I was living a lie...

And I'm lost, I was an independent girl and always doing my best to make the best... Look at me now, 22 years old, last year of school but don't even feel happy about it... I feel weak and j hate it.

[Caredverymuch]

Fred

I know I don't need to take it personal but I kinda do... It's feels so personal...

And she is really diagnosed with borderline yes, oh and I'm a girl.

Guy4

It really does does it? Hurt more then ending a 'normal' relationship... A lot of my friends don't understand why I'm still hurt and sad, they can't truly understand...

Caredverymuch

wow... You tell exactly what I mean... I felt so important, she made me feel that way, like she needed me, wanted me and never wanted to lose me... And then all of a sudden I'm nothing... That's how I feel I guess, nothing...

And while I feel bad and sad she seems to be so happy... All of a sudden she has the money to buy a horse, to go on vacation with Christmas's and to buy a lot of clothes... She never had any money... It's like I was living a lie...

And I'm lost, I was an independent girl and always doing my best to make the best... Look at me now, 22 years old, last year of school but don't even feel happy about it... I feel weak and j hate it.

You are not lost. You are found. Here. We understand and we realize that NOTHING about the end of this type of r/ s is normal. Bc largely, we were idolized and drawn in to the depths of what felt like their souls. Day. Night. Years. Then, not " broken up with". Just dropped on our heads.  Who could ever begin to understand this unless experienced.

You are a wonderful caring girl w an incredibly bright world before you. Dont let this experience or anyone ever let you feel less.