Going without human touch

[workinprogress]

I have seen many posts on here about spouses who are touch averse.  I personally don't see how they can live like that.

Meanwhile, my wife never touches my body, anywhere.  I find that my blood pressure goes up, I feel tense, lethargic and physically just bad sometimes. 

What about you all who are also in my situation.  What effects do you have going without being touched?

[Zon]

I mostly stopped touching her.  It is sad, but I got fed up with her attitude about many things.  Plus, if I got too friendly (even a deep kiss), then she would get upset most of the time.  Currently, she wants touch from me, but I cannot bring myself to initiate it.

I actually get tense if she touches me now.  I feel like I may fall into the caretaker roll again.

Without touch, it is quite difficult.

[Forestaken]

Her only touch was with a fist.

I divorced her

[stove monkey]

My uBPDw of 22yrs and I are currently separated. When we were together, slept in different bedrooms for the last 10 or so years. Went one stint without sex for almost 3 years. Hugs were met with nothing from her.

Also the abuse was terrible so I learned to withdraw and build walls.

She kicked me out in August, called the police for no reason and all.

I left. I was very lonely but decided I was better off being lonely, alone.

Now that I haven't returned, she begs and pleads for intimacy and touch. Says she needs it, craves it.

Where was that that when I was there?

[Caredverymuch]

My uBPDw of 22yrs and I are currently separated. When we were together, slept in different bedrooms for the last 10 or so years. Went one stint without sex for almost 3 years. Hugs were met with nothing from her.

Also the abuse was terrible so I learned to withdraw and build walls.

She kicked me out in August, called the police for no reason and all.

I left. I was very lonely but decided I was better off being lonely, alone.

Now that I haven't returned, she begs and pleads for intimacy and touch. Says she needs it, craves it.

Where was that that when I was there?

Stove M, my marriage to my ex uBPD/NPD of the same tenure was much the same,  in every way you state.  I couldn't make it work no matter how much I tried. And. I tried for 20 years. I left as well and understand the feeling of loneliness in a marriage as such.

Although I admit loneliness is hard moving forward, it's far better for me to be "alone" rather than being immensely alone in a marriage.

I applaud and admire your efforts to stay the course in returning and, although I have no answer as to "why now?", perhaps looking forward and not backward is a better course. And I am sending immense support 

[going places]

I have seen many posts on here about spouses who are touch averse.  I personally don't see how they can live like that.

Meanwhile, my wife never touches my body, anywhere.  I find that my blood pressure goes up, I feel tense, lethargic and physically just bad sometimes.  

What about you all who are also in my situation.  What effects do you have going without being touched?

The thought of my exh touching me hits my gag reflex. When I was with him, the anxiety of being in a room, alone with him, was incredible.

He made my skin crawl; especially after I found out 'the truth'... .but even the years before that; "my gut" knew something was wrong, because of the extreme adverse physical and emotional reactions I would have if he touched me... .

I really withdrew from EVERYONE (except my kids) when it came to physical contact.

25 years of abuse will do that.

Today?

I LOVE to give hugs.

I look forward to "spooning" with someone other than my dogs!

I have Faith that there IS someone that IS real, healthy, and right. And for me!

I just have to get ME healthy and right first!

[workinprogress]

I have seen many posts on here about spouses who are touch averse.  I personally don't see how they can live like that.

Meanwhile, my wife never touches my body, anywhere.  I find that my blood pressure goes up, I feel tense, lethargic and physically just bad sometimes.  

What about you all who are also in my situation.  What effects do you have going without being touched?

The thought of my exh touching me hits my gag reflex. When I was with him, the anxiety of being in a room, alone with him, was incredible.

He made my skin crawl; especially after I found out 'the truth'... .but even the years before that; "my gut" knew something was wrong, because of the extreme adverse physical and emotional reactions I would have if he touched me... .

I really withdrew from EVERYONE (except my kids) when it came to physical contact.

25 years of abuse will do that.

Today?

I LOVE to give hugs.

I look forward to "spooning" with someone other than my dogs!

I have Faith that there IS someone that IS real, healthy, and right. And for me!

I just have to get ME healthy and right first!

[Caredverymuch]

 

I have seen many posts on here about spouses who are touch averse.  I personally don't see how they can live like that.

Meanwhile, my wife never touches my body, anywhere.  I find that my blood pressure goes up, I feel tense, lethargic and physically just bad sometimes.  

What about you all who are also in my situation.  What effects do you have going without being touched?

The thought of my exh touching me hits my gag reflex. When I was with him, the anxiety of being in a room, alone with him, was incredible.

He made my skin crawl; especially after I found out 'the truth'... .but even the years before that; "my gut" knew something was wrong, because of the extreme adverse physical and emotional reactions I would have if he touched me... .

I really withdrew from EVERYONE (except my kids) when it came to physical contact.

25 years of abuse will do that.

Today?

I LOVE to give hugs.

I look forward to "spooning" with someone other than my dogs!

I have Faith that there IS someone that IS real, healthy, and right. And for me!

I just have to get ME healthy and right first!

[whirlpoollife]

The thought of my exh touching me hits my gag reflex. When I was with him, the anxiety of being in a room, alone with him, was incredible.

He made my skin crawl; especially after I found out 'the truth'... .but even the years before that; "my gut" knew something was wrong, because of the extreme adverse physical and emotional reactions I would have if he touched me... .

I really withdrew from EVERYONE (except my kids) when it came to physical contact.

25 years of abuse will do that.

Part of the counseling I had was they offered what was called , healing touch massage . I declined it each time.  I have issues with touch even when someone puts their hand on me for a second , my reflexes jump.  But I have a male acquaintance friend, who , couple years ago gave me some hugs here and there as I was going though rough times ( besides divorce) and it felt so good, so safe.  Maybe because it was from the heart genuine touch vs the sick touch from x2bh.

I m taking a yoga class , that at the end of class , and meditation, the teacher massages our forhead for 30 sec. I want to tell her to just skip me. But I force myself to challenge myself to practice human touch.

It it so relaxing, it does feel good , yet it is difficult to accept.  Is it an anorexic to human connection? Is it that I can be in control by declining it? Is it just safer and easier to not accept touch , don't worry about it? Or , as talked about in the book, Darling Greatly,  I feel I don't deserve joy.