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Author Topic: Were you replaced right away?  (Read 7063 times)
Xidion
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« on: December 03, 2014, 03:04:15 AM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me. Which isn't true... it was just the first person to show her some attention when she painted me black. I'm moving on with my life, but it feels pretty crappy that she can just move on to someone else like that and act like he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

I know that this is all part of the cycle. She did the same with me. Still makes me feel pretty worthless. Like I didn't matter to her one bit. Maybe one day she will remember all the good times we had... .
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peiper
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« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2014, 03:22:35 AM »

Very same thing happened to me. Just count your blessings that she's his problem now. I really can't fathom how two cheats that get together think they are going to live in bliss. Once a cheat always a cheat. Deep down they know that. Its always going to be in the back of their mind and for a pwBPD that will be painful which in turn is going to make it painful for the replacement.
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Bak86
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« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2014, 03:54:26 AM »

To a new partner? No. She's still single after 6 months. She replaced me with new friends though. I guess they provide her enough support
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Craydar
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« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2014, 07:23:20 AM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me. Which isn't true... it was just the first person to show her some attention when she painted me black. I'm moving on with my life, but it feels pretty crappy that she can just move on to someone else like that and act like he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

I know that this is all part of the cycle. She did the same with me. Still makes me feel pretty worthless. Like I didn't matter to her one bit. Maybe one day she will remember all the good times we had... .

I could have written this verbatim. It seems to be a very common theme. When it first happened to me three months ago I was devastated. The only difference is that she never said that he was agreed. It was just implied. I feel like they always look for the bigger and better deal and then eventually fall flat on their face.
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BrokenFamily
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« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2014, 07:37:54 AM »

It's so odd how the stories are always so similar...   boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats
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Deeno02
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« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2014, 07:40:20 AM »

Yep, within days by her old college buddy. Literally hanging with her and the kids one week, very next week, theres the new guy hanging with them.
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blissful_camper
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« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2014, 09:39:57 AM »

Yes.  However his disorder destroyed his relationship with my replacement.  They lasted 10 months. 
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2014, 09:49:40 AM »

The BPDx was all over the place. While we were still in a relationship, she started lining up what she thought would be the next replacement but the guy didn't want to leave his wife for her. After she realized that she just kind of slept around with whoever. It's been two years since b/u and she's had 4 or 5 official "boyfriends" and just had another baby.
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Xidion
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« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2014, 02:43:38 PM »

It's so odd how the stories are always so similar...   boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats

That's exactly how it happens. In the beginning I was God. I could do no wrong. She wanted to be with me every single second. Toward the end, I could do no good. She stopped replying to texts, started shutting off. I would try to "talk" to her about our relationship and all she had to say were negative things or things she hated about me. Hence, she was looking for a replacement the entire time. I caught her the first time and we got past it, the second time i caught her, she left and is now with him.
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fred6
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« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2014, 03:02:01 PM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me.

Ditto here. Caught her cheating on me and then got dumped and she ran me off. I don't know the extent of their relationship. She keeps it very under the radar. She said that he was just a friend before I moved out 11 weeks ago. Not sure if he is an upgrade or not either. I don't know the guy. I think he probably makes more money than I do and has a nice new shiny pickup truck. So if that's an upgrade, then so be it. Common themes here indeed  PD traits
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Xidion
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« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2014, 04:32:20 PM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me.

Ditto here. Caught her cheating on me and then got dumped and she ran me off. I don't know the extent of their relationship. She keeps it very under the radar. She said that he was just a friend before I moved out 11 weeks ago. Not sure if he is an upgrade or not either. I don't know the guy. I think he probably makes more money than I do and has a nice new shiny pickup truck. So if that's an upgrade, then so be it. Common themes here indeed  PD traits

She told me he was a friend, too. She started adding guys to Facebook.  Now she is with the guy she said was just a friend. Has she tried contacting you in any way?
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Confused?
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« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2014, 04:35:00 PM »

Yes. Twice. Within two months.
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Xidion
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« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2014, 05:17:02 PM »

Yes. Twice. Within two months.

What did she say and how did you respond?
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downwhim
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« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2014, 05:39:27 PM »

Yes, the pattern seems the same for all of us. We get replaced and it hurts because at one time we were their everything but... .whoever they are with now will go through the same thing and I for one do not want to experience that pain again. He made me feel worthless and my self esteem was so low I had no idea how I was going to get through the day... .I am stronger now but the manipulation, lying and cheating still stings. I just hope I can open my heart up again one day and be able to trust... .AND not be a victim...
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fred6
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« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2014, 05:47:39 PM »

Has she tried contacting you in any way?

Nope. Just one time 2 weeks after I moved out to see if I paid a ticket she got because I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Otherwise she will barely even respond to me. The way she acts toward me, you would think that I'm the one who cheated and lied to her. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it
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parisian
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« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2014, 05:55:17 PM »

Pure speculation only:

I don't think there will be a 'relationship' replacement straight away. Certainly there will be lots of one night stands and general sleeping around. And with the festive season coming up, that equates to lots and lots of drunken nights and greater chances for drunk sex. That's what she does.

While we were together I had some suspicions about her meeting other people. She is still friends on FB with every one night stand she's ever had, so always lots of opportunities to hook back up again.

She will keep it pretty quiet - when we first started going out, there were only three FB posts that included me in a space of 6 months. She won't tell the world until there is some significant date - she announced ours to the world [FB] (without talking to me about it first) around the 12 m anniversary of her ex moving out.

I won't really know I guess, and I don't really care. I just feel sad for whoever the replacement is going to be - it will be one hell of a ride... .
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« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2014, 06:10:05 PM »

Well the first time she did it I didn't know what was happening. She was lying about what she was doing. Texted me one morning and told said should I change my Facebook status to single since we aren't together. I was like what the heck. Didn't even know we broke up. She left for some guy blocked me. For about a month. Cried to me to take her back. I took her back. A month after that I discovered she still had a Facebook and I was blocked from it. Then I saw she was friends on there with this guy she was talking about being someone's brother or something. Turns out he wasn't. He was next replacement. I gave her a chance to tell me the truth about it and she said there was nothing between them. Caught her having him over her house. She lied some more. They were officially dating about a week later.
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Pingo
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« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2014, 10:31:56 PM »

I got replaced and didn't even know about it and then we recycled.  He moved back in with me and his family knew that he had been living with an ex gf but no one told me until we split the second time.  He moved back in with her right away apparently and this time his SIL told me.  I was sick, I couldn't believe that he had kept that from me.   Then apparently he was with another woman according to his family but I am imagining that has gone for a crap bc he has been trying to contact me again lately.
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Painterly2014

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« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2014, 10:59:10 PM »

He doesn't have the replacement yet but I'm sure it wont be long.  I feel sorry for who ever buys his line of crap and thinks he cares about them. He has been out for 5 weeks and has two former affair partners that were friends with benefits added to his fb. so its safe to say he is medicating himself with others.  I pulled up my fb yesterday and there they were in the list of friends of others that I might know and want to friend. I had to go in and unfriend him and block.  I don't need to see that crap. 

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HappyNihilist
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« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2014, 09:30:24 PM »

My exbf always had ___ buddies and other casual hookups throughout the relationship. As far as another relationship, though... .within two months of the breakup, maybe even just before.
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ShadowIntheNight
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« Reply #20 on: December 04, 2014, 10:14:40 PM »

Don't know the answer and don't want to know. The thought of her with someone else is more than my simple brain can handle. But knowing how "lonely" she gets and that she was definitely looking to leave early in our relationship (after 2 years, together 9.5) I would guess yes. Otherwise she would be calling me to solve her problems. I know her emotionally and unless someone is there for her now, she wouldn't stay away. She's not that strong.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2014, 12:18:12 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .
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Xidion
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« Reply #22 on: December 05, 2014, 12:34:40 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .

They have some nerve, don't they? Mine was going to bring him along to get her belongings.  When I told her not to worry about it,  she got mad, told me how much of an upgrade he is, and to throw her stuff away and never contact her again.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2014, 01:39:11 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .

They have some nerve, don't they? Mine was going to bring him along to get her belongings.  When I told her not to worry about it,  she got mad, told me how much of an upgrade he is, and to throw her stuff away and never contact her again.

I have had to deal with this guy for the last six months. He has npd and would randomly blow up her phone and then mine. Had the nerve to tell me that in the last year that he lessened her BPD. This fool actually believes that he has the power to heal... .
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Infared
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« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2014, 03:30:19 AM »

I was replaced long before she ran off with new supply.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2014, 09:05:56 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .
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Deeno02
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« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2014, 09:09:26 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2014, 09:14:10 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .
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Xidion
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« Reply #28 on: December 05, 2014, 09:22:40 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #29 on: December 05, 2014, 10:01:16 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.

Same here. Waiting for them to get on the same page.

I think for me that it wouldn't be so bad if I knew that it hurt her at least a little
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