What is an emotional relationship ? Triangulation ?

[Splitblack4good]

I read on here about people having emotional relationships with there x BPD partners what does this mean exactly ?

Is it were your ex texts or rings you when they are having a rough patch and they are going thru Ther emotionial cycle and would rather talk to you about it rather than your replacement or current partner ?

And also why do they do this ?

Also 3rd what is the true definition of triangulation with your ex BPD does it have to be physical ? Or can it be physical and emotionaly involved .

[Infern0]

I went through this so I'll explain it.

OK so after we broke up I went no contact for a little while before eventually reopened contact to smooth things over and in the hope we could be civil.

A couple of weeks later she text me to say she was depressed and mentioned having trouble with her boyfriend.

Slowly this started to increase,  and it got to the point where she was texting me every day again mostly about being depressed and things of that nature and with a lot of complaints about her boyfriend.

I was just trying to be supportive as a friend and was saying to talk to her boyfriend and try work things out.

Eventually she started to drop hints about "wishing things were different" and calling me pet names which I did back.

At this point it's an emotional affair.

Next thing it turned physical,  after she arrived on my doorstep crying that he had abused her in a drunk rage and asked to stay at mine, she tried to kiss me that night which i resisted but the next time she tried i couldnt resist and we slept together.

she was complaining constantly about her boyfriend and banging me on the side.  Also she was using me to make him go nuts and in the end it worked and he ended up spending large sums of cash on her in an attempt to keep her.

So she was using us both,  playing the victim and getting her cake and eating it. Painting him as abusive and threatening him with me to control him better.

At this point the guy was seriously losing it,  and she wanted to continue "hanging out " with me but the thing was,  seeing this from the other side I suddenly realised that she was not capable of an honest relationship and I was never going to live happily ever after with her even if she did leave him for me

When I realised what was really going on I withdrew and was split black and blamed for their relationship problems while he was split white again (for now) and her boyfriend belived her lies that "nothing happened" and I was just trying to cause problems and she's completely innocent

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

They are incapable of intimacy so they triangulate and create drama, intrigue and chaos.  It is the next best thing I guess.

[Splitblack4good]

They are incapable of intimacy so they triangulate and create drama, intrigue and chaos.  It is the next best thing I guess.

Now I can relate to this due to the above answer

My ex has tried this with our mutuel freinds it's backfired on her badly !

All it's doing is making her more angry and shamed ! She has made it clear she is avoiding me like the plaque ! She saw me once since the split she ran to the hills .

[Blimblam]

Heres a link to the article about triangulation.  The three faces of victim.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108384.0

[Blimblam]

Here's another thread about triangulation. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

What helped me understand the karpman drama triangle better was using the schema mode model and learning about the transactional analysis model.  There's some YouTube videos about transactional analysis videos on YouTube that explain it. 

[Mercury2Pluto]

In my relationship triangulation happened frequently with her friends rather than romantic relationships.  There were several friends she spoke to every day.  She spent the time complaining to them about me.  When I came home she would complain to me about them. 

Nearly every day I heard the charming phrase "Guess what Joe said about you today!"  and "You'll never guess what Jennifer said about you.  It was so hilarious!"  and my favorite "Well I guess my friends were right about you."

When she was mad at them she could come running to me.  And when she was mad at me she could go running to them.  The effect was to pit the two parties against each other.  I did not have a conflict with these people.  She constantly tried to create one.

[Hawk Ridge]

I think we have been doing this too