Schema: The "modes" of the pwBPD

[jhkbuzz]

"Young (Young et al., 2003) sees BPD as a disturbance that is on a continuum with multiple

personality or dissociative identity disorder. Fundamentally, the inner world of the

borderline patient is characterized by five modes, or aspects of self, that interact in destructive

ways. In this interaction the patient is living in a kind of inner theater in which the

forces of cruelty, rage, submission, and self-numbing each take their turn on the stage.

Strikingly, an understanding of the interplay of these modes also helps to explain the

apparently “irrational” behavior of these patients."

www.therapist-training.com.au/SCHEMA/kellogyoung.pdf

[Blimblam]

Thanks for posting this that is some really valuable information. I have found the schema modes model critical in my understanding and depersonalizng the disorder.

[Leaving]

Wow, This describes my husband exactly and would explain, in part, why my husband is so passive aggressive.   

I've seen him display all 5 of those modes in one conversation which makes me often feel as though I'm in a board room with different people.  The lack of consistency in his personality makes it impossible for us to get on the same page about anything.   

[Leaving]

As hopeful as the therapy sounds, I can't help but consider the challenges in getting the BPD diagnosis.  I mean, so many have suffered for most of their life without any diagnosis or even any therapy at all. I wonder how effective the therapy could be to someone who is over 40?  Then there are those patients who get an unqualified therapist who labels them with the disorder du jour and the accompanying medication which can do harm- not to mention, stall progress.

My husband had a very incompetent therapist that made his abusive behaviors escalate and because of my husband's cognitive issues, he misinterpreted most of what she told him.  For example, he now believes that the word ' defend' means to be very mean and angry and he doesn't understand how anyone could defend anything without being such.   So, if I attempt to defend my opinion about anything at all he accuses me of being an angry evil bully.  Oh gosh, it's so exhausting.

[Mutt]

There are 18 identifiable schemas. In personality disorders they are Maladaptive Schemas or Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS)

[Reforming]

Rather than trying to treat the Schemas, therapists focus on treating the modes. These modes are effectively coping mechanisms that have developed to try and meet unmet needs, which are the result of emotional neglect, abuse etc. Though these modes can be very destructive they serve or have served a purpose in the absence of a healthy support

It's worth remembering that these modes; the detached protector, abandoned child etc are not confined to BPDs or indeed those who suffer from PD

Almost all of us can slip in an out of these modes during our interaction with others and Schema Therapy has a much broader application that just PDs.

Reforming

[Leaving]

Rather than trying to treat the Schemas, therapists focus on treating the modes. These modes are effectively coping mechanisms that have developed to try and meet unmet needs, which are the result of emotional neglect, abuse etc. Though these modes can be very destructive they serve or have served a purpose in the absence of a healthy support

It's worth remembering that these modes; the detached protector, abandoned child etc are not confined to BPDs or indeed those who suffer from PD

Almost all of us can slip in an out of these modes during our interaction with others and Schema Therapy has a much broader application that just PDs.

Reforming





Thanks Reforming for explaining what modes are.  I don't know if any treatment would help my husband at this point.  His coping behaviors that he developed are so ingrained in him that he simply can't control them at all.  They control him!  One thing that he does is make a fist and bring it up towards his chin when he's being triggered. it's very strange to observe because it's like his hand/fist is separate from him.  Usually when he does something/anything like taking out the trash, filling the bird feeders or asserts himself in a conversation, he will raise his fist.  He isn't even aware that he does this.  I learned that when he does this, some sort of ugly Passive Aggressive behavior will follow to punish me.  I realize now that he's not punishing me 'personally'- he punishes me because I'm the chosen one, the safer one to target.

[Reforming]

Hi Leaving,

I'm not sure that it's the most elegant explanation of modes, but I do think that Schema Therapy can be a very powerful tool / therapy for a variety of issues.

It's very difficult being in a relationship with someone who has serious mental health issues. Most PDs are triggered by intimacy and as the person closest to them it's all to easy to end up feeling like a lightning rod for their dysfunction.

You can't control their behaviour, you're not responsible for it and you can't change them.

My only advice would be to focus on yourself. My biggest mistake and it was rooted in my own issues, was to focus on my partner's issues rather than my own.

Getting well myself would have either inspired change in her or made me healthy enough to leave the relationship much sooner.

Either way I would have been much more empowered and capable of moving forward

Reforming

[Leaving]

Hi Leaving,

I'm not sure that it's the most elegant explanation of modes, but I do think that Schema Therapy can be a very powerful tool / therapy for a variety of issues.

It's very difficult being in a relationship with someone who has serious mental health issues. Most PDs are triggered by intimacy and as the person closest to them it's all to easy to end up feeling like a lightning rod for their dysfunction.

You can't control their behaviour, you're not responsible for it and you can't change them.

My only advice would be to focus on yourself. My biggest mistake and it was rooted in my own issues, was to focus on my partner's issues rather than my own.

Getting well myself would have either inspired change in her or made me healthy enough to leave the relationship much sooner.

Either way I would have been much more empowered and capable of moving forward

Reforming

Hi Reforming,

I completely agree with you.  It took me a long to realize that there was no hope for my marriage.   I lost myself Reforming to the point that I had no reason to get out of bed or change my clothes or brush my teeth.  I  became a shallow breathing corpse and to make matters even worse, I was completely isolated from family and friends.  I'm focused on me now and I don't invest any part of myself in my marriage at all anymore. 

Back in 1999, I consulted with a friend who is a behavioral therapist and described my husband's behavior to him and he gave me the exact same advice that you just did.  16 years later, here I am having to invest even more energy to clean up all the damage done to my life.  I hope that anyone reading this post will take our advice to heart and not waste time in unrealistic expectations that will result in dire consequences.

[Skip]

We have schemas too.

Want to know yours?

Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ)

Link to excel questionnaire

[hergestridge]

My only advice would be to focus on yourself. My biggest mistake and it was rooted in my own issues, was to focus on my partner's issues rather than my own.

Getting well myself would have either inspired change in her or made me healthy enough to leave the relationship much sooner.

I would like to modify this piece of advice:

Just don't focus on your partners issues. From the silence and peace that ensues, your own "issues" will eventually come to you as your own, not as a by-product of your partners issues.

Mind you, I find this impossible to do while I still in my relationship, and I doubt me getting well would have inspired change in my exwife. Things like just worried and puzzled her.

[Leaving]

We have schemas too.

Want to know yours?

Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ)

Link to excel questionnaire

 

I would like to know but I don't understand how the download works. 

[Skip]

This might help:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202548.0

[sacrificial lamb]

the book SCHEMA THERAPY

that i had out from the library in the past...

mentions the similarity and differences

between borderline and narcissistic...

does anyone know what it said on that matter

[lemon flower]

Rather than trying to treat the Schemas, therapists focus on treating the modes. These modes are effectively coping mechanisms that have developed to try and meet unmet needs, which are the result of emotional neglect, abuse etc. Though these modes can be very destructive they serve or have served a purpose in the absence of a healthy support

It's worth remembering that these modes; the detached protector, abandoned child etc are not confined to BPDs or indeed those who suffer from PD

Almost all of us can slip in an out of these modes during our interaction with others and Schema Therapy has a much broader application that just PDs.

Reforming

yes, usually people slip in these modes when they are feeling uncomfortably or stressed up on something or someone, these modes are "taking over" the healthy adult-mode for a while.

Biggest difference, as I understand it, between a healthy person slipping into these dysfunctional modes and a pwBPD slipping in, is that a healthy person will always remain conscious of this "change" , whilst a pwBPD will more or less get drowned in it , and will not be able to distinguish the dysfunctional mode from his healthy self. Also the changing of modes can be very rapid and can shift from one to another in moments.

I usually can tell from the behaviour of my friend and even from the way he dresses which mode is dominating... .

[Pingo]

We have schemas too.

Want to know yours?

Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ)

Link to excel questionnaire

Thank you Skip for this, I was searching unsuccessfully on the internet for something similar.  I posted my results in the thread provided