What it feels like to love a borderline.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

The following is a copy of an email I sent to my uBPDexgf while she was on a vacation that I was unable to attend. She was in the process of detaching. The more she withdrew, the more I wanted her. It took her 5 days after her arrival to finally contact me. Do you know what she said? She said that I was ruining her vacation. I now know that she had already met my replacement and was likely cheating on me during her time away... .something about an ex of 15 years. Talk about pain...

I am in my third month out from the break and still find time to water my cheeks every day.



Sweetheart please. Who have I had to talk to? Do you know how much it hurts me that I couldn't be there with you guys. That's not your fault. But I'm sitting here nearly all day every day by myself and its like I'm desperate to just have (you) someone to talk to. That's all bebe. And I miss you so much it's hard being this long without holding your hand and hugging you and loving you in bed at night. Please listen to what I'm saying. I've missed you every day of the week this entire summer and it's been very difficult. I love you. I love you with my entire heart and soul. I've had to spend so much time alone these past MONTHS. How can you not see that I'm just lonely for the woman I love?

Please. What more can I do or say for you to understand that I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU AND CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME HOME. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG THAT WE HAVE BEEN APART AND I MISS YOU DEARLY.


PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. THIS MAN LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!


We have a lot to do when you get back to make these bills and no more time to waste on these things.

I'm dedicated to you and we will get stronger together. I'm here for you. Please just try to be there for me too. Like if I just want to say hello or I love you (because I do).


Your man that loves you, misses you and has been waiting for this summer to end so he can have the woman he loves back in his arms.



God please let ****** understand that I only get frustrated because I've missed her for so long and I love and respect her totally and that I am dedicated to her and we will get strong together. And that I will not ever turn my back on her and that I pray she will do the same for me and Here's the kicker... .show me that she still remembers how to love me the way she once did. I beg of you dear God, please help. I love this woman more than I've ever loved anyone and she is slipping through my hands and the pain I feel on top of the loneliness and it's just too much to bare. Please God help us please.


I'm loving her with all that I have in my soul and she ___ing someone else and planning to replace me.


I hear you say for me to move on and those two words are the most painful words I've ever heard you say. You want me to move on.

Please ask ******* to talk to **** about the buildings and the apartment so I may have a place to move on to.

This hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my life.

Move on *****. Move on.

It hurts so badly to have waited for you all this summer only to realize that you want me to move on. Devastating.

I have no choice anymore. You want me to move on and I will.

I'll miss you forever.


Little did I know I was triggering her fear of engulfment. I'm laying it all out on the table thinking I'm somehow getting through to her and I now realize that I was nailing my own coffin shut. I honestly wish I didn't care. I wish to God that I didn't have a heart and could just walk away with someone new without skipping a beat. Life is difficult. And I'm staying out of the game for a while.

[Sandman1881]

The following is a copy of an email I sent to my uBPDexgf while she was on a vacation that I was unable to attend. She was in the process of detaching. The more she withdrew, the more I wanted her. It took her 5 days after her arrival to finally contact me. Do you know what she said? She said that I was ruining her vacation. I now know that she had already met my replacement and was likely cheating on me during her time away... .something about an ex of 15 years. Talk about pain...

I am in my third month out from the break and still find time to water my cheeks every day.



Sweetheart please. Who have I had to talk to? Do you know how much it hurts me that I couldn't be there with you guys. That's not your fault. But I'm sitting here nearly all day every day by myself and its like I'm desperate to just have (you) someone to talk to. That's all bebe. And I miss you so much it's hard being this long without holding your hand and hugging you and loving you in bed at night. Please listen to what I'm saying. I've missed you every day of the week this entire summer and it's been very difficult. I love you. I love you with my entire heart and soul. I've had to spend so much time alone these past MONTHS. How can you not see that I'm just lonely for the woman I love?

Please. What more can I do or say for you to understand that I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU AND CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME HOME. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG THAT WE HAVE BEEN APART AND I MISS YOU DEARLY.


PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. THIS MAN LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!


We have a lot to do when you get back to make these bills and no more time to waste on these things.

I'm dedicated to you and we will get stronger together. I'm here for you. Please just try to be there for me too. Like if I just want to say hello or I love you (because I do).


Your man that loves you, misses you and has been waiting for this summer to end so he can have the woman he loves back in his arms.



God please let ****** understand that I only get frustrated because I've missed her for so long and I love and respect her totally and that I am dedicated to her and we will get strong together. And that I will not ever turn my back on her and that I pray she will do the same for me and Here's the kicker... .show me that she still remembers how to love me the way she once did. I beg of you dear God, please help. I love this woman more than I've ever loved anyone and she is slipping through my hands and the pain I feel on top of the loneliness and it's just too much to bare. Please God help us please.


I'm loving her with all that I have in my soul and she ___ing someone else and planning to replace me.


I hear you say for me to move on and those two words are the most painful words I've ever heard you say. You want me to move on.

Please ask ******* to talk to **** about the buildings and the apartment so I may have a place to move on to.

This hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my life.

Move on *****. Move on.

It hurts so badly to have waited for you all this summer only to realize that you want me to move on. Devastating.

I have no choice anymore. You want me to move on and I will.

I'll miss you forever.


Little did I know I was triggering her fear of engulfment. I'm laying it all out on the table thinking I'm somehow getting through to her and I now realize that I was nailing my own coffin shut. I honestly wish I didn't care. I wish to God that I didn't have a heart and could just walk away with someone new without skipping a beat. Life is difficult. And I'm staying out of the game for a while.

[Wanna Move On]

Sandman, there is NOO pain on this earth like the pain of a broken BPD-relationship. It's the wound that seems unhealable. The only consolation I can offer is that we've all gone through it, and hopefully you stay here and hopefully we can provide you with emotional support.

It hurts.  :'( :'(

[Wanna Move On]

Sandy, one reason that is soo impossibly difficult for us to walk away from the torturous aftermath is that they NEVER provide us with the necessary closure. Emotionally they are incapable. (And other than the fact that their lack of providing us with closure gives us a window into their own tortured soul, it still does not ease our pain and does not make it any easier for us to cleanly walk away.)

I feel for you, bro.