I can't believe this anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well the drama and being painted DARK BLACK just keeps coming my way.I just don't get it.

Saturday she came over and told me how much she loves me and wants to work on us and move back home.She slept over and she seemed so normal and true.I then lended her 300.00 and once again I ''thought'' everything was going to be normal.She left Sunday morning and stupid me thought everything seemed good.

Sunday afternoon I confronted her on why she is already Lying to me one day later after all the wonderful things you told me.?.She became very angry and said ''see you don't love me and u don't trust me''.I said honey,I love you with all my heart and I am just asking why do you have to Lie to me.?.Why didn't you just tell me the truth and be strait with me.?

She hung up on me on Sunday and I have not heard from her till tonight,wednesday night.She showed up with 2 Police Officers.This caught me off guard after all we decided on Saturday.

I was woken by the NY Police with a Family Court hearing paper to appear in court.She says she is in ''fear for her life'' and wants articles from the home.Well most of the articles she stated she wants,she already took away.

What the heck did I get myself into here.This is just getting worse and worse.She began her Smear Campaign late Novemeber and has been out of the house but recycled me 4 times and Saturday being the last one.She comes back and tells me everything I want to here and then bodyslams me and abuses me and causes me so much pain and torment.I can't figure this woman out.

Can anyone out there explain why this is happening to me.Am I that bad of a guy.?.Am I not seeing something in myself,why I am going through all this.Am I just a bad person or something.My life was so quite and comfortable before I met her.

Please help me off this roller coaster ride from hell... I feel I am going through all this for trying to love a woman and offer her a better life.This is to complicated for me.Why would someone want to destroy me and hurt me so deeply,when all I did was try to love and care for her.

This behavior of her's does not warrant her to destroy me and HATE ME.Yes,there are things that I did wrong but to call police,have restraining order and drag me through courts.?... .REALLY.?

[NYMike]

Well the drama and being painted DARK BLACK just keeps coming my way.I just don't get it.

Saturday she came over and told me how much she loves me and wants to work on us and move back home.She slept over and she seemed so normal and true.I then lended her 300.00 and once again I ''thought'' everything was going to be normal.She left Sunday morning and stupid me thought everything seemed good.

Sunday afternoon I confronted her on why she is already Lying to me one day later after all the wonderful things you told me.?.She became very angry and said ''see you don't love me and u don't trust me''.I said honey,I love you with all my heart and I am just asking why do you have to Lie to me.?.Why didn't you just tell me the truth and be strait with me.?

She hung up on me on Sunday and I have not heard from her till tonight,wednesday night.She showed up with 2 Police Officers.This caught me off guard after all we decided on Saturday.

I was woken by the NY Police with a Family Court hearing paper to appear in court.She says she is in ''fear for her life'' and wants articles from the home.Well most of the articles she stated she wants,she already took away.

What the heck did I get myself into here.This is just getting worse and worse.She began her Smear Campaign late Novemeber and has been out of the house but recycled me 4 times and Saturday being the last one.She comes back and tells me everything I want to here and then bodyslams me and abuses me and causes me so much pain and torment.I can't figure this woman out.

Can anyone out there explain why this is happening to me.Am I that bad of a guy.?.Am I not seeing something in myself,why I am going through all this.Am I just a bad person or something.My life was so quite and comfortable before I met her.

Please help me off this roller coaster ride from hell... I feel I am going through all this for trying to love a woman and offer her a better life.This is to complicated for me.Why would someone want to destroy me and hurt me so deeply,when all I did was try to love and care for her.

This behavior of her's does not warrant her to destroy me and HATE ME.Yes,there are things that I did wrong but to call police,have restraining order and drag me through courts.?... .REALLY.?

[SlyQQ]

Until you realize they are crazy nothing makes sense BE CAREFUL people will tell you to log everything PROTECT YOURSELF they are literally capable of ANYTHING ( including framing you (been there ))

[downwhim]

You know Mike she is sick. She has a mental illness. All of us support you and know you will survive this time and it will get better. No one deserves to feel pain associated with loving someone. But, that is par for the course with BPD. Drama, cops, restraining orders... .all push/pull and distortion.

Acknowledge that you have tried with her, loved her and it is not working. Look at the pattern and chaos. Their actions and not their words are the key. Her behavior is out of control and to try and make sense of it gets you confused and off balance. Breathe. Look out for you. When you try and make connection it does not lead you to a place of peace.

You have done nothing wrong but try and love a very sick person that needs a lot of help. Lying is part of the illness. She cannot be straight with you.

[EaglesJuju]

I am sorry you are going through all of this.  

Can anyone out there explain why this is happening to me.Am I that bad of a guy.?.Am I not seeing something in myself,why I am going through all this.Am I just a bad person or something.My life was so quite and comfortable before I met her.

You are not a bad person NYMike.  I can understand how you could feel like that.  I felt like that many of times when my pwBPD would rage and project on me.  I looked for him to validate me and reinforce my own self-esteem, when he was dysregulating, but it was futile. I was left feeling bad and blaming myself for his behavior. Remember, you cannot control her behavior.  You can only control yours.

Please help me off this roller coaster ride from hell... I feel I am going through all this for trying to love a woman and offer her a better life.This is to complicated for me.Why would someone want to destroy me and hurt me so deeply,when all I did was try to love and care for her.

The roller coaster ride can truly be hell sometimes.  You need to decide to get off of the ride.  With the new legal issues, it is in your best interest to detach from her.  Have you read the lessons on detachment?  

This behavior of her's does not warrant her to destroy me and HATE ME.Yes,there are things that I did wrong but to call police,have restraining order and drag me through courts.?... .REALLY.?

I know the erratic behavior is confusing, hurtful, and frustrating. Sometimes it does not make sense, no matter how much it is analyzed. Sometimes, the actions and words of a pwBPD are absolutely contradictory.  Trying to analyze it will only drive you bananas.  You cannot change her behavior or actions, you can only work on yourself. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself and heal. I know it is easier said than done. We are here to support you.     

[notdownyet]

Please help me off this roller coaster ride from hell... I feel I am going through all this for trying to love a woman and offer her a better life.This is to complicated for me.Why would someone want to destroy me and hurt me so deeply,when all I did was try to love and care for her.

I often think that when a BPD is destructive to someone offering them support and love, it's them externalising the self hatred that they would normally focus in on themselves.  So, you're taking on their pain for a period of time, in order to give them some relief, from their own self punishment.  To make this acceptable in their mind, you will need to be blamed for something, not matter how irrational the logic, so long as some of it sticks.

In a way, it's a back-handed compliment, as they're showing you that they trust you enough, to show you the ugliest part of their soul.  At the same time, it's also the classic hall mark of abusive behaviour.

Remember, you're a good person and that you're involved with someone who has a severe mental health condition, who often lives in a world, where logic as you and I know it, doesn't exist.

[antelope]

STOP 'confronting' her

STOP paying attention to her.

STOP reacting in any way to anything she says or does.

pretend she doesn't exist... .this is the ONLY way that a person whose entire life revolves around getting attention will finally leave you alone

your indifference is her kryptonite.  this is a fact.

[whythisgirl]

Sorry that you are going through this. What a shame! Same thing happened to me! We had a great Saturday together, a semi good Sunday. An unnessary argument Monday. No contact Tues. Partial contact wed. Blew me a kiss AMD told he wanted to see me Thurs. Then while I was almost at his house called me to tell me he doesn't feel like entertaining because he is relaxing... what the heck? Then agreed to see me but didn't want me to leave... .mad at me today cause I said I'm hanging out with my friend tomorrow. Gave in to accommodate him only for him to tell me F you...

In other words, don't get pulled into to their manipulative tricks. They are selfish and will use you.

[Aussie JJ]

NYMike,

I encourage you to process all of this and their are great supports here on this board.  I also encourage you to take a few steps to protect yourself.  Escalation, if this is the opening move it will could get worse... .

Head over to the legal board and post a detailed post and listen to the advice form the senior members.  Read the old posts of people who have been through this before. 

The basics below:

Any and everything that belongs to her, pack it neatly, box it up and give it to the Police to return to her.  Not a friend, the Police.  They came around to let her in, she will be back.  Give it to the Police to give back to her.  If they don't understand inform them you want to be accountable so you insist on giving it to them, no questions.  Say you fear for your safety when she is making up false accusations, can they escort you to her to drop the boxs off. 

DONT CALL HER

DONT TEXT HER

DELETE FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM AND EVERY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM. 

KEEP ALL RECORD, DIARY, FACTUAL

ALL communications through e-mail and use BIFF to communicate.  (find it in the workshops board)

Get a program to forward any SMS's from her to your e-mail encase your phone dies. 

Save all voice-mail messages.  KEEP THEM. 

Get a psychologist or someone to work through this with and at the minimum one that can write a report on your psychological health for court. 

Support network, if you have one it looks better for you for court.  Make sure your support network doesn't involve people that know her. 

Change the locks if she had a key.  Change the locks if she didn't have a key just to be sure. 

It is extreme, I questioned how as well.  I am now in court with the same stuff happening.  Such extreme hatred, lies, manipulations.  Your actions to defend yourself have to be just as extreme. 

Protect yourself buddy, many of us before you have left ourselves open.  Protect yourself. 


AJJ. 

[NYMike]

NYMike,

I encourage you to process all of this and their are great supports here on this board.  I also encourage you to take a few steps to protect yourself.  Escalation, if this is the opening move it will could get worse... .

Head over to the legal board and post a detailed post and listen to the advice form the senior members.  Read the old posts of people who have been through this before. 

The basics below:

Any and everything that belongs to her, pack it neatly, box it up and give it to the Police to return to her.  Not a friend, the Police.  They came around to let her in, she will be back.  Give it to the Police to give back to her.  If they don't understand inform them you want to be accountable so you insist on giving it to them, no questions.  Say you fear for your safety when she is making up false accusations, can they escort you to her to drop the boxs off. 

DONT CALL HER

DONT TEXT HER

DELETE FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM AND EVERY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM. 

KEEP ALL RECORD, DIARY, FACTUAL

ALL communications through e-mail and use BIFF to communicate.  (find it in the workshops board)

Get a program to forward any SMS's from her to your e-mail encase your phone dies. 

Save all voice-mail messages.  KEEP THEM. 

Get a psychologist or someone to work through this with and at the minimum one that can write a report on your psychological health for court. 

Support network, if you have one it looks better for you for court.  Make sure your support network doesn't involve people that know her. 

Change the locks if she had a key.  Change the locks if she didn't have a key just to be sure. 

It is extreme, I questioned how as well.  I am now in court with the same stuff happening.  Such extreme hatred, lies, manipulations.  Your actions to defend yourself have to be just as extreme. 

Protect yourself buddy, many of us before you have left ourselves open.  Protect yourself. 


AJJ. 

WOW.Thank You... You have been there I can tell.I was at Attorney's and word for word is what you just said... WOW...

I have the whole list to protect NYMIKE.Thank You... .