I don't think mine has lied, she has just had a distorted perception of the truth

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

To be perfectly honest, I don't think mine has lied, she has just had a distorted perception of the truth. In other words, to her it's reality.

I don't know the entire truths behind the breakups of her previous relationships, only her version of events but when it comes to why she is cold or distant or where the outbursts come from, she openly admits that's down to her mental illness. That's not to say she hasn't distorted the truth with me nor am I naive enough to think she hasn't lied to me , it's just her version of the truth.

I've heard many stories from her about why other people hate her or people have fallen out with her or that she has fallen out with but I can't ever be certain of the truth behind any of them. I can only assume based on what I know but it's not something I can challenge or need to challenge to be honest.

My ex-wife however was an entirely different kettle of fish. It was hard to believe anything that came out of her mouth. Again, you could see in her eyes that she believed it was the truth but her words against her actions just didn't add up. I caught her out in many lies, some of them about me.

The most outrageous was one morning when I was doing the school run before I went to work. She could have said she was having a bad morning and wanted me to stay at home. Instead I got a phone call with her in a rage, screaming abuse at me for not being at home. The reason being, someone had tried to break in and "rape her" and it was all my fault for not being there. Got home and found a cracked window, a description of the man and I spent the next hour driving the streets looking for this suspicious person asking all the neighbours if they had seen someone, which they didn't. No luck there, I called the police and she went into full rage at that too. Wasting police time, because if I couldn't find them, how could the police?

The police came, as did the forensics team and one of the questions asked was whether the intruder was in the house. She raged at the police for asking too many questions and then I got the words I'd been dreading, they said that if there really was someone they must have been in the house because the crack in the window was on the inside, not the outside.

I don't think for one moment she had another guy around, she did this herself to get the attention because she woke up to an empty house. That's kind of the level of mental torture I went through on a regular basis and also why I could never really trust anything that came out of her mouth.

[Ripped Heart]

To be perfectly honest, I don't think mine has lied, she has just had a distorted perception of the truth. In other words, to her it's reality.

I don't know the entire truths behind the breakups of her previous relationships, only her version of events but when it comes to why she is cold or distant or where the outbursts come from, she openly admits that's down to her mental illness. That's not to say she hasn't distorted the truth with me nor am I naive enough to think she hasn't lied to me , it's just her version of the truth.

I've heard many stories from her about why other people hate her or people have fallen out with her or that she has fallen out with but I can't ever be certain of the truth behind any of them. I can only assume based on what I know but it's not something I can challenge or need to challenge to be honest.

My ex-wife however was an entirely different kettle of fish. It was hard to believe anything that came out of her mouth. Again, you could see in her eyes that she believed it was the truth but her words against her actions just didn't add up. I caught her out in many lies, some of them about me.

The most outrageous was one morning when I was doing the school run before I went to work. She could have said she was having a bad morning and wanted me to stay at home. Instead I got a phone call with her in a rage, screaming abuse at me for not being at home. The reason being, someone had tried to break in and "rape her" and it was all my fault for not being there. Got home and found a cracked window, a description of the man and I spent the next hour driving the streets looking for this suspicious person asking all the neighbours if they had seen someone, which they didn't. No luck there, I called the police and she went into full rage at that too. Wasting police time, because if I couldn't find them, how could the police?

The police came, as did the forensics team and one of the questions asked was whether the intruder was in the house. She raged at the police for asking too many questions and then I got the words I'd been dreading, they said that if there really was someone they must have been in the house because the crack in the window was on the inside, not the outside.

I don't think for one moment she had another guy around, she did this herself to get the attention because she woke up to an empty house. That's kind of the level of mental torture I went through on a regular basis and also why I could never really trust anything that came out of her mouth.

[Beach_Babe]

"I broke my ankle again, sorry I can't come visit you."

" Job? I didn't start a new job. That's not me on my office voice mail"

"You can't come visit again this weekend. I got so upset you were coming I hit a bus. Now I have to go to court I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY!"

"Mom died three times this weekend then wanted to go to Florida. Not my fault I didn't board the plane."

[Wastedyears25]

"I'm not doing drugs"

After my D16 and I moved out he called the police and reported that she was being abused, never mind that our daughter is 5 inches taller than me and outweighs me by 30 pounds. Our daughter was humiliated at having to be questioned about his false allegations. Even the responding officer knew he was lying, he told told me he felt my uBPDh was "making things up." On a positive note that reinforced the need for NC. Neither our D16 nor I have had contact with him since that day 3 months ago.

I'm dumbfounded the lengths some BPDs will go to to try and destroy the people they claimed to love, no matter who gets hurt even their own children.

[Infern0]

Called me a stalker after the first time I asked for space she called me 37 times in one day and arrived at my house unexpected.

Lol

[Beach_Babe]

"I'm not doing drugs"

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that one!

[enlighten me]

Its the silly litte unnecessary lies that get me.

I had to pick up my sons from my ex wife on friday. This meant I would be a little later than normal to pick up my younger son. I said this to my exgf who said that if it was much later than five I would have to pick him up saturday as she didnt want his sleep pattern being disturbed. He doesnt go to bed until seven so this was obviously bull. What it was actually about was she was picking up her new bf and would have to leave around five to get him.

As for the big lies there were so many that I dont know what was real.

[Infern0]

They certainly do have a distorted reality though.

Mine used to get upset if I bought up something she had previously stated which didn't suit her current circumstances.  Like legitimate upset "but I never said that, I didnt"

First time round it confused the heck out of me,  second time round I knew she was disordered so it didn't bother me so much

[enlighten me]

Yep mine chopped and changed as it suited her. She would deny dates she had said and then blow up when I would show her that she had said it.

[NYMike]

Me- Hi Honey,what ya doing

Her- I am cleaning,cooking and packing to come see you

Me- Well honey I am at your house

Her- What the heck do you mean.Is this one of your sick games Mike

Me- No honey.I was in the area and wanted to stop by and see you.You said you were home

Her- See,you don't love or care for me.Everytime I think you love and care for me you pull this sick chit

Me- Honey I am not pulling anything.I just can't understand why you are lieing to me.Just be honest with me

Her- I am being honest with you.Whatever Mike.You are a sick man.''CLICK'' and hangs up phone

Me- Crushed again.Feeling invalidated,abandoned,rejected,confused and unloved.I start calling and she won't pick up or talk.She runs away for days never contacting me about this issue.


Amazing how she is.The ''projection'' and ''blame is amazing.She turned it all the way around and made it look like I was the Mental Case and screwed up.In her mind I was a Stalker.I believed it for a long time but now I am learning a lot and walking away from the ''spell'' she had me under.

[antelope]

don't fool yourself, they lie, know they lie, and do so compulsively

their main defense mechanisms are among the most primitive: denial and projection

they deny and project everything psychologically unwanted. 

these are lies carefully formulated to suit the truth they want to be real.

you and I and all of us were lied to as a form of emotional protection for them.  the truth is FAR too catastrophic for them to own up to or handle.

they certainly have distortions in their perceptions of reality, but they are not schizophrenic, nor are they in any sort of consistently wild psychotic state... .

they put on a good show for the world, and that alone is an indication of a very real awareness of what is expected and tolerated in society at large as well as in more private interpersonal affairs.

they just hate themselves so much that they have arrived to places in their life where the lie is the only thing keeping them afloat psychologically.

they are fragile, frightened, little children, so terrified mommy will find them with their hand in the cookie jar... .

[clydegriffith]

Called me a stalker after the first time I asked for space she called me 37 times in one day and arrived at my house unexpected.

Lol

HAHA, the BPDx always calls me a stalker. I like to do a quick google search for any info on the public domain pertaining to the latest "love of her life" that she insists on brigning around my child. She sees that as me wanting her and blah blah blah when that could be further from the truth. I despise her with every fiber of my being.

[NYMike]

Called me a stalker after the first time I asked for space she called me 37 times in one day and arrived at my house unexpected.

Lol

I still struggle with this ''stalker''.She would only ''text'' and never answer the phone and when I asked her what she is doing,she started calling me a STALKER.

It still drives me nuts and angers me.She even went and put it on my Order Of Protection.I drove to her apt on a hunch and low and behold she was not there all day and night.

I texted her from her from the apt and she texted me back.Hi honey I love you.I am home cleaning,cooking and getting things packed to come over to your house,I LOVE YOU BABY.

LMAO.I was in her driveway... .So now I am a STALKER because of the fact I busted her in yet another deception,lie and manipulation...

Since then I have to suffer her HATE and she has gone on a mission to destroy me,my life and my credibility.

Some days I wish I never drove to her Apt that day.

[clydegriffith]

Called me a stalker after the first time I asked for space she called me 37 times in one day and arrived at my house unexpected.

Lol

I still struggle with this ''stalker''.She would only ''text'' and never answer the phone and when I asked her what she is doing,she started calling me a STALKER.

It still drives me nuts and angers me.She even went and put it on my Order Of Protection.I drove to her apt on a hunch and low and behold she was not there all day and night.

I texted her from her from the apt and she texted me back.Hi honey I love you.I am home cleaning,cooking and getting things packed to come over to your house,I LOVE YOU BABY.

LMAO.I was in her driveway... .So now I am a STALKER because of the fact I busted her in yet another deception,lie and manipulation...

Since then I have to suffer her HATE and she has gone on a mission to destroy me,my life and my credibility.

Some days I wish I never drove to her Apt that day.

I feel your pain buddy. It gets me angry too when she calls me that but i've learned to just laugh it off. After all she's done things to me that can be truy be considered stalking like showing up in front of my job and hacking into my cell phone online account to block my texts, etc.

[Beach_Babe]

.So now I am a STALKER because of the fact I busted her in yet another deception,lie and manipulation...

Hey me too!  I am an abuser too, how bout that? All 5'4 125 pounds of me to his 5'8, nearly 300 frame.

[NYMike]

.So now I am a STALKER because of the fact I busted her in yet another deception,lie and manipulation...

Hey me too!  I am an abuser too, how bout that? All 5'4 125 pounds of me to his 5'8, nearly 300 frame.

This is the one thing that is killing me.I am everything.It is so hurtful to think she is doing this to me.

1- Stalker

2- I abused her

3 - I threatened her life

4- she fears for her life

5- She claims I don't love her or care

So the list goes on and on.I am devastated by her destroying my name and credibility.She assassinates my character even if it all LIE'S.I sometimes just wanna cry because this is a woman who claimed she loves me so deeply.

It don't add up.

[Infern0]

Mine said that I hit her to her friend.

She's 5'3" 99lbs,  I'm 6'2" and was 195 at the time. I shudder to think of the result of a right hook to her jaw, probably deposit her head in next doors garden.