Translation of enDad's reconciliation message

[Our abuse recovery guide]

After reading coldNHeartless' post about translating his BPDm's text message, I thought I would share with you the New Year's message from my enDad. I have gone straight NC for 3 years with one minor blip about a year and a half ago that was handled very well with the "Medium Chill" technique.

"Happy New Year (Rbrdkyst4)

Your mother and I hope that you both have a happy and healthy 2015. "Your mother" ... .laying on of the Guilt starts

The Queen's Message this year was about reconciliation, a very powerful message. One of her best in recent years. It takes Queen Elizabeth to make him realize there is a problem

(Rbrdkyst4), as you and I are the two senior adult males in this part of the Family name clan perhaps we can consider the message of reconciliation, and make a move to narrow the riff that has developed between the four of us. It was unintended and unexpected. It is not what your mother and I ever wanted with our eldest son and his wife. We are the eldest males and it's up to the two of us to solve the four of us' problem. enDad didn't consider the consequences of their actions, and it's not what THEY want.

We would very much like to be part of your life again, to celebrate your achievements and be available when appropriate. "We thought you were a failure, but now that you're succeeding we want to be part of it again."

This email is my hand of friendship. Remember our door is always open and the welcome mat will always be there. It's enDad's "hand of friendship", no mention of BPDm. Somehow I feel that the second sentence is a desperate attempt to be giving and guilty at the same time. Why the welcome mat? Wouldn't a sane person say "you are always welcome here" and not reference the mat?

Love and success in 2015.

enDad



As with all emails, phone calls, and letters, I am not replying in any way. I take a somewhat dark pleasure in knowing that. A feeling of empowerment. The ability to say "No". I will admit that I do feel a bit guilty, yet at the same time shouldn't. If there are people (especially family members) you don't want to stay friends with or talk to, you don't have to... .and you certainly don't have to explain yourself to them either.

[Rbrdkyst4]

After reading coldNHeartless' post about translating his BPDm's text message, I thought I would share with you the New Year's message from my enDad. I have gone straight NC for 3 years with one minor blip about a year and a half ago that was handled very well with the "Medium Chill" technique.

"Happy New Year (Rbrdkyst4)

Your mother and I hope that you both have a happy and healthy 2015. "Your mother" ... .laying on of the Guilt starts

The Queen's Message this year was about reconciliation, a very powerful message. One of her best in recent years. It takes Queen Elizabeth to make him realize there is a problem

(Rbrdkyst4), as you and I are the two senior adult males in this part of the Family name clan perhaps we can consider the message of reconciliation, and make a move to narrow the riff that has developed between the four of us. It was unintended and unexpected. It is not what your mother and I ever wanted with our eldest son and his wife. We are the eldest males and it's up to the two of us to solve the four of us' problem. enDad didn't consider the consequences of their actions, and it's not what THEY want.

We would very much like to be part of your life again, to celebrate your achievements and be available when appropriate. "We thought you were a failure, but now that you're succeeding we want to be part of it again."

This email is my hand of friendship. Remember our door is always open and the welcome mat will always be there. It's enDad's "hand of friendship", no mention of BPDm. Somehow I feel that the second sentence is a desperate attempt to be giving and guilty at the same time. Why the welcome mat? Wouldn't a sane person say "you are always welcome here" and not reference the mat?

Love and success in 2015.

enDad



As with all emails, phone calls, and letters, I am not replying in any way. I take a somewhat dark pleasure in knowing that. A feeling of empowerment. The ability to say "No". I will admit that I do feel a bit guilty, yet at the same time shouldn't. If there are people (especially family members) you don't want to stay friends with or talk to, you don't have to... .and you certainly don't have to explain yourself to them either.

[goingtostopthis]

That's right.  You dont have to. Im not speaking to my father right now. Here I am with two underminding women, like that's not bad enough and now he has to join in with them. He's a traitor of sorts.  We used to be really close and then something happened a year ago and for some reason I dont know, he just started being really mean and abusive to me.

He's allowed to get angry with me any time he wants but the second Im angry with him, the sheet hits the fan. Not allowed period. Im automatically wrong and shamed every time.

                                             It's been taking me a long time to get smart about my family. One thing for sure, in the end the only one who is going to be looking out for you is you. I keep acusing myself for being childish for not wanting to talk to him but the truth is, it hasnt nothing to do with that. I cant talk to him right now unless I put on a fake self. I cant be honest with him about how I really feel or else he will most likely explode on me. So much for being able to be who you really are.   Eventually I 'll talk to him again but I need time sort myself out over a lot things I feel vulnerable about in terms of my whole family. I need to feel stronger and if that takes awhile then it does.  I havent done anything wrong and getting to the point where I am no longer moved by the guilt trips and manipulations is my goal, for how ever long it takes.