my story

[rapror496]

I have posted a couple of times on here. I wanted to put the whole story out so I can finally have some kind of freedom.

I met my ex when I was 18 and she was 16, the relationship was smooth unroll my father was diagnosed with leukaemia and she took off. She jumped around from guy to guy while occasionally talking to me.

While she was doing this she was being abused ( allegedly) by her stepfather. Her school found her a set of foster parents who she lived with. After dealing wither her mother who also has BPD. The foster parents gave up and she moved back to her mother's. Her mother emailed a family friend about the alleged abuse and she tried to foster my ex and find a place for her mother to live. I tee went well for a week when the mother showed up with the the police claiming this family abused her daughter and kidnapped her.

At this time my ex was left a trust fund and Money from social security for being with the foster parents. She enrolled in school and got herself an apartment. She broke up with her ex and showed up on my front door. Mind you this is three years later. I moved in with her and got her ready for school.

In school she completely lost it and dropped out. She blame  it on her mother who, accused her husband of poisoning her and leaving the state. Her mother came back and was institutionalized when she attacked a hospital security guard. When she was institutionalized she immediately went silent and hid behind hippa she wouldn't tell her social worker what was going on. She then called her husband to come and get her.

I got an apartment for my ex close e to home and brought her back so I could keep an eye on her. We where roommates with her new best friend and about three months in they left due to her drama.

She finally told me about the trust fund so I found a foreclosed house and used it as an investment for her. We lived here for 2 years again everything was re icky and I ended up depressed. She randomly started talking to her ex and her mom who she knows is dangerous. And left me about a week later. The dram continues as I had to call her stepfather to get my stuff. The new boyfriend  is threatening me with a re restraining order after  2 months of NC. I'm having a hard time letting go as she walked in which this guy and kicked me out out of nowhere.

This is the hardest experience of my life. I would have done anything for her.

She won't contact me because the new guy won't let her. She's not . Lying about that as when I called her she told me about how " they" are getting a restraining order" and then continued talking to me about the breakup.u asked why she could talk to him during our relationship and cut me out with no contact an  She said its because it's different that he is good for her.

I'm moving on I can't handle her carp anymore. It's just a lot to handle. I think her trigger is the fact transgenic going back to school this semester and the holidays. We where fine up unroll the day before she left when we got in t o an argument about her ex. She  has completely split me back and completely destroyed my reputation. I understand now why this all happened I just can't process it emotionally. I'm trying to get the strength to kick her out of my life for good though as I  know she will be back as soon as she destroys the few relationships she has left.

[Mutt]

Hi rapror496,



I'm sorry for what you are going through. You helped her and your shut out. I can relate. It's tough.

I'm sorry. I may of misunderstood. Why is he putting an RO on you?

You're in a tough spot. Him, her and you makes 3 people. A Karpmann Drama Triangle.

The Karpman  Triangle, described by Stephen Karpman and elaborated by many others, is a very useful tool for understanding "stuck" relationship dynamics. The idea is that we often find ourselves playing out scripts. These roles feel safe, as they are familiar; we slip into as comfortable as we sink into the us-shaped indent in our own beds. But they are very limiting. They keep us trapped.

The triangle in its simple form consists of three roles:



The roles are Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer. We may start in one position, but as another (or others) shift around the triangle, so do we.

The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior.

The Victim is of course persecuted. The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will "save" the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.

The Rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. It also keeps the Rescuer stuck in focusing energy on someone else's problems, not solving his/her own.

(For a fuller discussion of the triangle, see "The Three Faces of Victim" at https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108384.0.)

If you approach her and he's split as the good person and you the bad person, your in a position of "persecutor". If you approach him, he's still "rescuer" and she's "victim".

She may of distorted events and said awful things about you and he's doing it as a "knight in shining armor". Triangulation is like a three legged stool. You remove one leg and the stool collapses. My point, remove yourself entirely from this dynamic by not contacting him or her.

[rapror496]

There no reason for the r/o I called her to get my stuff back and she told me I was crazy and that the new guy was getting a r/o because I'm harassing her. It won't work as I have done nothing wrong. She screwed me out of everything. The stuff I was able to get was moved into the garage by her step father. I assume he knows about the disorder as he has been the only calm one in all of this.

[Mutt]

It's likely her that's getting the RO. I think it's the person that's being harassed that has to report it? Can you report harassment by a third party?

He may or may not know about BPD. Did you know about the disorder when you started seeing her? How were things at the start?

[rapror496]

He can't get one in my area, and she won't take it to court, I'm studying pre-law and she knows I will have it shot down. When I started seeing her everyone was worried about her safety and let her own mental state slip under the radar. After this happened her foster parents an I realized we should have been watching her more closely. At the start things were good untill she cheated on me with this same guy about 6 months into it.

It's been a weird feeling of deja vu. She cheated on me with the same guy twice now and had the same friend call to tell me