depression following break up

[Ezra]

Hi All

Firstly can i just say that this website has been my new found go to place since i had an 'Aha' moment and realised my ex likely suffers from BPD (or bipolar) and i have found such solace in reading this material.

I posted another message this week trying to find some ways of coping with my ex suddenly breaking up with me after 6 years and being painfully cruel and nasty ever since the break up (almost 4 months), and that message details to some extent what I have been going through and the characteristics of my ex.

The breakup has been so hard on me, i had just moved back to the city she was living in after a year of long distance and flying back and forth to see her. We had a holiday overseas booked and finally had a chance to sort our lives out and get our first ever place together in the coming months and have our cats come and live with us (currently staying at parents). Life was stressful to some extent, but nothing out of the ordinary/or something we couldn’t have gotten through. I never saw the break up coming and i think that has been one of the hardest parts - whilst i had been suffering constant break ups from her for years she was always receptive to me trying to 'fix' whatever the problem was and resuming our relationship. Those ‘breakups’ lasted max a week. But this time, when my life was a bit difficult she cut me off and inflicted even more suffering on me, even though when she had severe depression (or whatever the underlying cause is) for months i was her pillar and did everything i could to be there for her. She has since said she ended it because she was just so unhappy and I was the root of all that.

I have been seeing a psychologist for about 4 sessions now because i wasn’t coping. I find it so hard to just let it all go and move on. We don’t talk anymore; i have tried to be there for her, tried to reason but she has been very cruel and hates me very much. I find it hard to understand how one day she loved me and the next i was the most evil person in the world. I still check her online profiles and I know I need to stop, but I am just having such a tough time letting go. I know it is a matter of time (or could have happened already) before she starts dating someone else, and that is so devastating and torments me daily.

My psychologist has said she thinks it is time I saw a doctor and went on antidepressants. Just wondering if anybody here has had to resort to medication as a result of the relationship ending? I sort of agree with the psychologist, I’m not progressing, I am very depressed, unable to focus on work and I just cry all the time. The things she has said to me have been awful and Ive placed I guess the blame of the relationship ending on me (as also said form her too). I’m just really worried about going on medication as I have never had depression before and I hear some scary stories about taking the medication and inability to come off them.

Thanks again for any help guys!

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Ezra-

I'm sorry you're struggling right now; the end of a long term relationship is not easy.  4 months after 6 years isn't very long, and you're in the middle of the grieving and healing right now, so it will get better.  Personally I haven't taken meds for depression, except alcohol for a while, which I don't recommend, but I've known many people who have taken meds for a temporary period of time under a doctor's supervision and it has really helped.  The key seems to be to not rely on the meds but do the underlying work required to grieve and heal, and at some point the meds won't seem necessary and you can stop.  My two cents... .

[downwhim]

My   goes out to you. They can be so cruel without empathy and paint us black. My ex fiancée hates me too. Truly hates me. I am a good person. I have been there through 5 of his surgeries. When we broke up 3 months ago my doctor recommended anti depressants. I found they made my stomach upset but I am on anti anxiety. I had major PTSD. My ex was very controlling. I feared him in the end and I was a wreck the way he broke up (refused to talk only emailing it is over).

I say get the help... .

[Deeno02]

I did. I needed it badly. I was so depressed and while T was helping, I couldnt get over that hill where I needed to be. Both are helping beautifully. Doesnt release me from her insidious behavior and the memories there of, but Im able to be a functional human being to those folks that matter to me. I was really scared for me.

[Ezra]

No thats right, 4 months after such a long term relationship isnt that much but it frustrates me more that my ex can go about living life to the fullest, seemingly doing better without me and not caring one bit that our relationship has ended. i keep saying to myself just snap out of it because she does not care and has told me that she feel absolutey nothing for me. I was always, always there for her and she hates me so much and i have no idea where all this hate has come up from. My depression is interefereing with my work and my other relationships. im not living life and its just getting the better of me. Im just also frustrated that i need to possibly resort to medication to move on - again because it hasnt bothered my ex in the slightest. Have ana ppointment booked with the doctor next week so will discuss my options for medidation.

Thankyou though for your messages, it helps that i am not alone in this situation.