Rod for her own back

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm watching BPDgf heading towards a complete train wreck and there is nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it. It's a culmination of her actions over the past year as well as her recent actions now. On one hand, I want to try and diffuse the situation before it gets totally out of hand, on the other I feel that actions have consequences and this is not my responsibility. As to why I feel drawn into it, my name is starting to be used and I would much prefer to be left out of it.

I've mentioned on earlier posts about her previous bf and that she has an RO out against him due to harassment. Some things didn't add up at the time, such as how he managed to get her new number and given the events in December, he has been in contact with me. She was the one who sent him her new number, he called it not knowing who it was from and then she reported him. There was already an outstanding case against him and that was the final nail in the coffin. I do feel for him because he didn't know it was her and was set up big time.

Her infidelity in December is common knowledge around her community. I don't know any of those people as I was kept quite compartmentalised and live 70 miles away so not people I would interact with anyway. However, the events occured in full view of the village at her Christmas party and I've had a large number of FB messages expressing sympathy for those events. It seems she isn't well liked where she lives based on her actions over the years.

Her latest exploits have been to contact a family member of the exbf she took the RO out on and that caused anger within the community. People are now looking for a way to "give her a taste of her own medicine", have her sectioned or report her to the police. I've had a few messages today asking for info that they can use to set her up but I refuse to get involved. Leading the charge is the family of the exbf given he was dragged through police interviews, courts etc... last year and it wasn't entirely his fault.

The hard part for me is that I don't think everyone else understands that she has BPD and what that entails, they just see her for her actions and it runs much deeper than that. I'm also concerned that my name is coming up in this because of what she did in December and aside from stating that I don't want to be involved, not sure what else I can do. If the community get their way, it's going to hit her hard. The last thing I want is for her to think that I'm also a part of this. I've tried to defend her but it's fallen on deaf ears, what I can't do is defend her actions because regardless of the reasons, they were her own actions and her responsibility.

[Ripped Heart]

I'm watching BPDgf heading towards a complete train wreck and there is nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it. It's a culmination of her actions over the past year as well as her recent actions now. On one hand, I want to try and diffuse the situation before it gets totally out of hand, on the other I feel that actions have consequences and this is not my responsibility. As to why I feel drawn into it, my name is starting to be used and I would much prefer to be left out of it.

I've mentioned on earlier posts about her previous bf and that she has an RO out against him due to harassment. Some things didn't add up at the time, such as how he managed to get her new number and given the events in December, he has been in contact with me. She was the one who sent him her new number, he called it not knowing who it was from and then she reported him. There was already an outstanding case against him and that was the final nail in the coffin. I do feel for him because he didn't know it was her and was set up big time.

Her infidelity in December is common knowledge around her community. I don't know any of those people as I was kept quite compartmentalised and live 70 miles away so not people I would interact with anyway. However, the events occured in full view of the village at her Christmas party and I've had a large number of FB messages expressing sympathy for those events. It seems she isn't well liked where she lives based on her actions over the years.

Her latest exploits have been to contact a family member of the exbf she took the RO out on and that caused anger within the community. People are now looking for a way to "give her a taste of her own medicine", have her sectioned or report her to the police. I've had a few messages today asking for info that they can use to set her up but I refuse to get involved. Leading the charge is the family of the exbf given he was dragged through police interviews, courts etc... last year and it wasn't entirely his fault.

The hard part for me is that I don't think everyone else understands that she has BPD and what that entails, they just see her for her actions and it runs much deeper than that. I'm also concerned that my name is coming up in this because of what she did in December and aside from stating that I don't want to be involved, not sure what else I can do. If the community get their way, it's going to hit her hard. The last thing I want is for her to think that I'm also a part of this. I've tried to defend her but it's fallen on deaf ears, what I can't do is defend her actions because regardless of the reasons, they were her own actions and her responsibility.

[patientandclear]

Most people's (self- or other-) destructive actions have deeper causes.  People do, at least sometimes, get held accountable for what they do. Those are "natural consequences," and protecting someone from those does that person no favors.

I think your approach--stepping out of it--is just right.

[Tim300]

Wow, I would distance myself now before you get pulled under directly by her or indirectly by being associated with her.