Sister in law

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I don't know how to start this... .I guess I've just felt like I need to talk to others that know what I'm dealing with, because no one I know personally has had to deal with it. My sister in law, even though not clinically diagnosed, shows definite signs of BPD. She thinks she's bipolar, but looking far into both, she's definitely not. Unfortunately, my husband and I were homeless and our only option was to move in with her. Things weren't so bad until after she had our niece, who's 5 months now, and two months after she had her, she found out she wasn't getting the money she was counting on, so she had no way to pay rent and bills, that was the beginning of "hell" for this household. But being someone who is always mad and angry, no one took it seriously, but my husband and I knew that she had finally "lost it", we could tell just by looking in her eyes. For a month it was at its worst, walking on eggshells every day to try not to set her off. She went from wanting to kill herself, to kill her two daughters(17yr&5mnths). I've never had to deal with anything like that before, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Myself, having major anxiety issues, it's hard to deal with someone like that, but I suck it up, mostly so I know my niece is ok. She's been so hurtful to everyone in the house. She does and says mean things, then feels bad after, and says she needs help, and wants it, but as soon as that passes, she's back to her "I don't need help/there's nothing wrong with me/I'm not crazy" attitude. The tiniest, most pointless things trigger her. What really gets to me is how ungrateful she is. No matter what anyone does, if it's not extreme, it doesn't mean anything. And I feel absolutely terrible for my niece. Poor, sweet, innocent little girl. She deserves better. Better than her mom yelling at her for every sound, for waking her up, for not going to sleep. Calling her names that you would never dream of calling someone so perfect and innocent. I fear for her future. I wish that my sis in law would realize all of this, realize the damage she's going to cause that baby. But she doesn't, she's selfish, and lazy, and rude, ungrateful and disrespectful. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. She needs to get help. I want to move out and cut all ties with her, unless she gets help. But I'm also afraid to leave baby. I'm tired of feeling stressed and having anxiety attacks every day. I'm hoping this support group can help me keep sane a little longer.

[Smallville]

I don't know how to start this... .I guess I've just felt like I need to talk to others that know what I'm dealing with, because no one I know personally has had to deal with it. My sister in law, even though not clinically diagnosed, shows definite signs of BPD. She thinks she's bipolar, but looking far into both, she's definitely not. Unfortunately, my husband and I were homeless and our only option was to move in with her. Things weren't so bad until after she had our niece, who's 5 months now, and two months after she had her, she found out she wasn't getting the money she was counting on, so she had no way to pay rent and bills, that was the beginning of "hell" for this household. But being someone who is always mad and angry, no one took it seriously, but my husband and I knew that she had finally "lost it", we could tell just by looking in her eyes. For a month it was at its worst, walking on eggshells every day to try not to set her off. She went from wanting to kill herself, to kill her two daughters(17yr&5mnths). I've never had to deal with anything like that before, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Myself, having major anxiety issues, it's hard to deal with someone like that, but I suck it up, mostly so I know my niece is ok. She's been so hurtful to everyone in the house. She does and says mean things, then feels bad after, and says she needs help, and wants it, but as soon as that passes, she's back to her "I don't need help/there's nothing wrong with me/I'm not crazy" attitude. The tiniest, most pointless things trigger her. What really gets to me is how ungrateful she is. No matter what anyone does, if it's not extreme, it doesn't mean anything. And I feel absolutely terrible for my niece. Poor, sweet, innocent little girl. She deserves better. Better than her mom yelling at her for every sound, for waking her up, for not going to sleep. Calling her names that you would never dream of calling someone so perfect and innocent. I fear for her future. I wish that my sis in law would realize all of this, realize the damage she's going to cause that baby. But she doesn't, she's selfish, and lazy, and rude, ungrateful and disrespectful. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. She needs to get help. I want to move out and cut all ties with her, unless she gets help. But I'm also afraid to leave baby. I'm tired of feeling stressed and having anxiety attacks every day. I'm hoping this support group can help me keep sane a little longer.

[Smallville]

I feel absolutely terrible for my niece, 5 months old, just the sweetest, cutest, most perfect baby I've ever been around. She's such a good baby, so easy to watch. She almost never cries. And when she does it's for a reason. What I'm afraid of is what kind of lasting damage can be inflicted upon her due to her uBPD mom. There's times, not often, that she sounds happy talking to baby, but for the most part all I hear is her yelling at her. She can't even cry for one second without getting screamed at. And if baby wakes her up shortly after she fallen asleep, it's the end of the world. I've never heard anyone say such mean things to someone so innocent. I know she can't understand any of them yet, but I also know that she feels the anger and the negativity that pours off her mom. Will these things affect her later in life? Thank goodness she has others that live here to take her when needed. She spends alot of time with her 17 year old sister and her uncle. She's such a happy baby too. I don't want her to become damaged. I fear that it's way too late for her 17 year old. Years of verbal abuse, that can't be good for anyone, esp a teenager going thru all those changes. I wish my SIL could realize these things.

[Kwamina]

Hello Aelaine

Thanks for posting this introduction and welcome to bpdfamily  The situation with your sister-in-law is very unpleasant and stressful. You say she thinks she's bipolar, how did she come to this conclusion? Has she been officially diagnosed as bipolar and if so, is she being treated for it?

You also say she went from wanting to kill herself, to wanting to kill her two daughters. This is very concerning. Has your sister ever made any suicide attempts in the past? Do you feel safe around her and do you feel like she would really physically harm her children? She of course is already hurting them psychologically and emotionally.

Perhaps it will help to take a look at a document we have on here called 'Safety First' which can help you assess your current safety situation: Safety First

[funfunctional]

Hi there,I agee with the whole safety first.

How long have you been living with her?   Does she have a man in the picture?   After reading your post I get the feeling like your SIL has issues but also someone with issues will crack under a lot of pressure. 

She can't go on lashing out at the people around her.    Intervention?  Family meeting?  anything like that possible.

:'(

[Smallville]

Hello Aelaine

Thanks for posting this introduction and welcome to bpdfamily  The situation with your sister-in-law is very unpleasant and stressful. You say she thinks she's bipolar, how did she come to this conclusion? Has she been officially diagnosed as bipolar and if so, is she being treated for it?

You also say she went from wanting to kill herself, to wanting to kill her two daughters. This is very concerning. Has your sister ever made any suicide attempts in the past? Do you feel safe around her and do you feel like she would really physically harm her children? She of course is already hurting them psychologically and emotionally.

Perhaps it will help to take a look at a document we have on here called 'Safety First' which can help you assess your current safety situation: Safety First

Kwamina, thanks for the reply! She has not been diagnosed with bipolar, but from what she thinks she knows about it and the way she acts, she assumes that is what's wrong with her, but it's clearer than day that it's BPD. I've been reading so far into both and talking to friends who actually have both and she's definitely not bipolar. Her mom told me that years ago she did try to kill herself but her bf found her in time. I don't personally feel safe when she's having a rage episode. Depending on who the recipient of the anger is. I honestly don't know if she'd ever actually harm them, but whenever she has felt that way she tells us to take the baby and tells her older daughter to leave. Which at that point we keep an eye on her as well. I'll definitely check out that document! Thank you!

Hi there,I agee with the whole safety first.

How long have you been living with her?   Does she have a man in the picture?   After reading your post I get the feeling like your SIL has issues but also someone with issues will crack under a lot of pressure. 

She can't go on lashing out at the people around her.    Intervention?  Family meeting?  anything like that possible.

:'(

We've lived here since September. Her bf/bd and her broke up the end of October and he lives over an hour away. Things were much much much worse when he was around. He couldn't understand that she has a real problem, and he always argued with her and never shut up, which only made her furious. There's really not much family to involve. My MIL lives in Texas now, and she has a different dad than my husband and I don't know him. I've tried to reach out to their sister but she's always busy. I got her best friend involved and I thought he understood the severity, but I think she sucked him into her world and now he believes she not that bad. She can put on a pretty good front for people that don't live in this house. My husband and I seem to always be the root of alot of her problems, which could be because we see the truth while the others are blind.