Capitalizing on good behaviors...

[Ceruleanblue]

We had a good weekend, which almost never happens. I have no idea why this weekend went so well, and why some are just so awful. I've come to just be thankful when we do have good times. Now, probably most wives wouldn't call the weekend good considering payday was this past Thursday, and BPDh informs me we now have barely over a hundred dollars to last two weeks(next paycheck). He makes a really good income, so I don't even know how that is possible, and he isn't one to keep me informed, money wise. Frustrating, to the extreme, but I know better than to get upset, and rock the boat, especially when things are "okay".

My question is, how do you capitalize, and maintain when things are "good"? I've never been able to figure this out, because something always happens that ruins his mood, angers him, or he feels he needs to blame me for. I've tried to just stay level, and not get too down when things are bad, nor overly happy when things are good. You know, because it won't be long, and he'll be back to painting everything black.

Has anyone ever felt that their actions have somehow extended the good mood your pwBPD is having?

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[Samuel S.]

BPDs are naturally moody. We could be doing everything correctly, and they will always paint everything to be black. When you validate everything as being very promising, they invariably will try to force you to see it is only temporary. I've tried to do this on numerous occasions, but it just seems they wish to rock the boat, even during calm waters or calm times.

My only suggestion is to allow your BPDh and thus yourself to have things go well. He invariably will wish to make things look worse, because he wishes to be in control.

I am reminded of an old film with Robert Redford entitled "What's so bad about feeling good?" The title is so very appropriate for us nonBPDs, because it is great to feel good and to have things going very well. Yet, BPDs are not accustomed to and do not want the feeling of being good, because they have had a life in which chaos is almost more comforting than feeling good. Yeah, it is crazy, but that is a part of the world of being a BPD. At least, you have us nonBPDs to embrace good times! After all, you deserve them!

[waverider]

You can do much to stop making it worse, but you can't stop it.

Sometime trying too hard to fend off the bad times is more stressful than letting it happen and accept it.

Do your best and don't feel like a failure when its not enough