four months out still dying a little more ED

[dobie]

Its been nearly four months since my  undiagnosed xBPDfiance of six years  left

Since then I've dated (nothing suitable) , I've taken up hobbies , I'm seeing a T , I'm studying towards an exam , I've even got a new tattoo, bought new clothes , made an appointment to fix my hair , spent hours on the phone ED to family . I spend time with friends & family but nothing can seem to take the grief  and pain and shock of her leaving and her cold detached manner and the realisation I was being played for years projecting onto her what was not there love , support and understanding from someone who was just using me and in her own words has not been in love with me for years but still loves me  

I've felt on occasion like ending it . at 37 I've lost my chance for marriage , kids buying my home and most of all someone I loved and trusted and would have done everything and anything for .

I'm sick of the pain and I'm sick to my stomach about how she went out ... I alternate between anger and feelings of revenge to just utter grief and pointless black empty darkness .

Hope for me is a pinprick of light in a very dark tunnel .  I hate that I want her back and I know she will never come back ... I just don't know what to do Anymore to heal up

[cloudten]

Doble,

Don't lose hope! You are still young- and there's still plenty of chance for marriage, kids, and a home! Trust me! I am assuming you are male- so you have your ENTIRE life to have children! You don't have to beat a biological clock!  You have not lost it all on any level what-so-ever!

I can completely relate to everything else. I cannot offer you any help for moving on or healing. I have done all of those things (down to the tattoo and buying a house), and still feel the same way... .i still hurt like it was yesterday.

THERE ARE GOOD WOMEN OUT THERE! No they may not be as exciting- but there are healthy ones out there who want to find someone who is healthy too! I know because I am one.

Glass half full DOBLE... .glass half full!

[dobie]

Thanks cloud , I'm usually a very trusting guy which is why I never dreamed she would A) Do this and B ) Not give a damm about the consequences or affects on me

She litteraly wiped me out I'm broke (thanks to her) Im  back in therapy after 10+ years for depression when 2015 was supposed to be the hapiest year of my life .I've lost a lot of my friends over the years (thanks to her) family and such have moved away ... I cry like a little girl nearly every day .

What's keeping me going is the people who need me like my paralysed father .

[OnceConfused]

it will take at least 6 months for the grieving process before you can see some reliefs.

You can help the healing process by interjecting these thoughts whenever your mind is wandering back to her, to what ifs, to should of, would of ... .

1. Look at this as a lesson for you to learn, not as a failure. Ask yourself, what have I learned from this rs and what can I do better the next time. By doing this, you will grow and but by drowning yourself in sorrow and regrets, you will wither. Choose growth.

2. Interjecting into your consciousness that what would happen to your life and your happiness had you stayed together with her? I am sure your life will certainly be a place of hell. I used that line of thoughts quite a bit when I left the xBPDgf.  It certainly helped.

3. Start living your new life. Find new dates. Find new hobbies. Join friends for Friday afterwork drinks. You will see that you have a life to live and to enjoy. Your life is what you make of it (be it bad or good), and not what she gives.