Settling into the calm after the storm

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

I am starting to settle in with the idea that my BPD sister is no longer part of my life.    Of course I am not completely settled in with this.    Still in progress.   I have to envision my new future with new family in it.  Focus on what I have.   My two kids.  My husband.  Step kids.   I visit my aunt and hug her and spend time with her and offer as much comfort as I can.   She is the BEST person in my life and sad to see her going but she is NOT dead yet.    My dad is still alive.   We are going to visit him soon.  I am thankful for this.

I go over in my mind many days:   WHY?   Why was I robbed in terms of family?  Why does it seem so many other people have solid family?   Then I think to myself "we all have our battles".    

I am going to ramp up on doing some school related activities or something to get in with more people... .I work full time so it is not like I have all this free time.

I am glad I can come here & I am going to try to read more of other people's stories and offer my comfort.  We all need it.  We all need to know that we are in this together this thing called LIFE.  

Much love and comfort to everyone here - focus on the 1, 2, 3... .whatever people... .family or no family... .even focus on the damn cat if that help.  Hold her paw!  LOL    Seriously... .I hold my cat and just soak up the love.      

[funfunctional]

Hello,

I am starting to settle in with the idea that my BPD sister is no longer part of my life.    Of course I am not completely settled in with this.    Still in progress.   I have to envision my new future with new family in it.  Focus on what I have.   My two kids.  My husband.  Step kids.   I visit my aunt and hug her and spend time with her and offer as much comfort as I can.   She is the BEST person in my life and sad to see her going but she is NOT dead yet.    My dad is still alive.   We are going to visit him soon.  I am thankful for this.

I go over in my mind many days:   WHY?   Why was I robbed in terms of family?  Why does it seem so many other people have solid family?   Then I think to myself "we all have our battles".    

I am going to ramp up on doing some school related activities or something to get in with more people... .I work full time so it is not like I have all this free time.

I am glad I can come here & I am going to try to read more of other people's stories and offer my comfort.  We all need it.  We all need to know that we are in this together this thing called LIFE.  

Much love and comfort to everyone here - focus on the 1, 2, 3... .whatever people... .family or no family... .even focus on the damn cat if that help.  Hold her paw!  LOL    Seriously... .I hold my cat and just soak up the love.      

[Harri]

Hi Fun!  I am glad to see you settling in with a new idea of family.   I think there is a normal grieving process we all go through when reality does not match up to our dreams.  The good news is that you are able to see what you do have that is good.  I hope you get to spend lots of quality time with your aunt.  What are the 2 things you love most about her?  I was not close to my aunts but my grandmother was pretty incredible.  The two things I loved most about her were her smiling twinkling eyes and her hands.  They showed so much history.  she had a rough life but she lived it well. 

How much do you want to bet that there are people looking at you and thinking how lucky you are to have the family you do?     Sorta blows my mind when i think of it that way.  I ran into an old neighborhood friend that I have not seen since grade school and all he could talk about was how great my parents were and how lucky my brother and I were to have them as parents.     I just smiled and thanked him... .and then laughed out loud when I was alone. 

You have offered me comfort and shared your positive attitude and wisdom with me and I too am glad you can come here.  Your talk about cats made me smile.  any cat I have ever had has been a bit crazy.  I had George who would try to hide out in my fridge (?) and would greet me at the door with a small ball in his mouth to play fetch.  Then I had Emma, a partially blind cat with balance issues (cerebellar hyperplasia) who never weighed more than 3.5 pounds.  she taught me a lot of persistence and determination!  The things she could do despite her disabilities... .all the while being fiercely independent and fearless.  She was a sweetheart but could also be  a bit of a jerk too!  As for Lucky, lets just say he did not quite live up to his name but boy did he make me laugh!  He used to get up in my ceiling (have a dropped ceiling he would get into) and I would have to climb up on the counter, get on top of the fridge and fish him out with a broom!  LOL  Damn cat!   

Anyway, I am always glad to chat with you here.   Keep up with the positive attitude! 

[Woolspinner2000]

Oh Harri,

Your post made me laugh! The word pictures you created of your silly, crazy, and unique cats, and especially of you having to climb up to get them down! 

Funfunctional,

I'm glad to be a part of your family, right here. Thanks for letting me a part of you. 

Wools

[funfunctional]

Thank you Harri.  You cats sound interesting as well.  We have one social cat and one "stealth" cat.  She is so useless... .LOL.    YOu forget she lives here.

I try very hard to keep positive attitude.  It really is the only direction to go.  I am not sick or dead and have kids to show that no matter what we have to keep trying and try to maintain a solid attitude.  Life is full of challenges.

I enjoy reading people's posts. 

Life is never what we expected it to be.  We live it accordingly.  We respond to it.   It is rarely predictable.  What we don't think would happen DOES happen.   What we wanted to happen rarely does.   BUT, our attitude carries us.    We can make something beautiful out of the most awful stuff.   Like making a mud pie that looks yummy.  All just dirt.

 

I have to remind myself this ALL the time.   Negative thinking take a while to turn around.

[funfunctional]

Hey Wool,

Glad that you and Harri like the cat talk.   My cat is the best cat I have ever had.  She has an extra thumb on each paw and is so pretty.   

She is on my bed now and I am about to go to sleep.

I enjoy popping in here.  I hate always coming here to "take" so when I am having a better day or a great day I try hard to help and spread some joy.   I have some rough days where I am not happy... .and I keep trying.  The gym does wonders for those days.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Fun,  

I am glad that you are feeling better... .

I thought about your original post and how our minds are so wired to operate in terms of cause and effect and finding purpose in everything. Hence the question: why? In general that process is productive, however when faced with random accidents in life or disordered people, looking at the effect and searching for the cause and its purpose may not yield any satisfactory answers.

That doesn't mean that your question is useless, though. It lets you know that something is happening that is out of the ordinary, something that your mind can't make sense of and more importantly, something your feelings indicate as something unpleasant that ideally 'shouldn't' be happening. That indicates a loss and grief.

While I think you have a good plan in how to cope with this loss - taking care of yourself, focusing on what you do have and can enjoy in life, rather than dwelling on what you lost; I also think it is ok to admit to yourself that the loss hurts and that it makes you sad and that you wish it were different. Being honest with yourself and working through those emotions is healthy.  

Also, even though all experiences are not good and do not have a good purpose, and some are downright terrible, senseless and harmful, there is usually something we can benefit from it in terms of wisdom, resilience and confidence in overcoming etc. Not a way to explain away the bad experience into a good one, just a way to use it in a positive way to gain something good from the bad and ugly if possible.

And cuddling a cat is wonderful therapy!