Now I know my uBPDbf lied about "my actions"... . I even know he drank more than me.
How do you just "let it go?" I did nothing wrong!
I've heard it for 20 years. It was so constant and upsetting that I learned to never make eye contact or glance at other women in a social setting. It didn't matter. She created evolving narratives to back her contention that I wanted other women and cared for them more than her. A year and a half ago she created an entirely new form of narrative and told two friends that I had basically beaten and raped her after I caused an argument by "grinding on a dance floor all night with two women". What actually happened is she disappeared into a bathroom for 40-minutes and I ended up having a casual conversation with a lesbian couple seated at the bar next to me.
The false narrative was awful. The false accusation a horror of the worst kind.
I allowed her to create and reinforce lies for years because of fear and not being wired for the conflict. Now I push back on every lie and engage with the same fury arguing what really happened. When she attempts to shift the topic I drag her back and will litigate the disagreement for hours if needed. I've told her many times I will battle to the death each and every time she twists the narrative. She's finally beginning to back off in frustration and exhaustion. I know its the wrong thing to do with a BPD and I hate it but its the only thing that seems to have worked.
I went from a 2 to a 10 in the resentment department. The false accusation was the new wild card that I can forgive but no longer tolerate. I'm truly afraid of what she could do. My willingness to argue has been cathartic but is also a cause for even more resentment. I'm done, no longer care and heading for the door.
Do what works for you if you can find it. In my case... .having at a club when she comes with sword drawn seems to have helped.
