Helpful Analogies

[Ripples]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

Each piece fitted represents another step forward even though it doesn't make sense in any way.

It wasn't until I finally found the last piece of the puzzle that the picture finally took form and made sense. That's when I could finally make sense of it all and finally walk away. That piece, for me, was when she married another man.

Perhaps there are other more suitable analogies that people could share... .

[fromheeltoheal]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

Yes, but we all have an on-board GPS called gut feel.  You know when you're using a GPS but you know where you're going, and it tells you to take another route and you tell it to shut up, and then it replies "recalculating"?  How many times did we hear that in the relationship and ignore it?  I ignored mine for months, which left me a nervous wreck; note to self: don't ignore gut feel, it's never wrong.

[willtimeheal]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

Yes, but we all have an on-board GPS called gut feel.  You know when you're using a GPS but you know where you're going, and it tells you to take another route and you tell it to shut up, and then it replies "recalculating"?  How many times did we hear that in the relationship and ignore it?  I ignored mine for months, which left me a nervous wreck; note to self: don't ignore gut feel, it's never wrong.

My gut told me to stay away from the start. Every nerve fiber in my body told me to run. But the draw and mystery was too great. I told my gut to shut up. Now I am paying the ultimate price... .going through this healing process. I will always listen to my gut from now on. Even thou I miss her at times my gut tells me and my brain and heart know she is never allowed back in. That inner GPS... .listen to it!  I wish I did.

[DyingLove]

I looked at it this way last week or so.

People love sharks. We travel hundreds and thousands of miles to see them, swim with them, feed them and to catch them. They are beautiful, graceful, powerful and mysterious to say the least. They are programmed to do what they do, and they do it well. No matter how much you love a shark, it will NOT love you back (at least not how you love it).  It's primary job is to attack and kill it's prey and then consume and then move on.

Many times my exGF looked at me with a cold and meaningless stare.  I felt helpless in the shark tank.  Can we blame the shark for what it does?  Or did we just not think it would ever happen?  Fortunately, I didn't loose any limbs.  (just broken in other places)

[TheDude]

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

I've used the puzzle thing, but like this - it's a 1000 piece puzzle, with no picture on the box, and 2000 pieces inside. 

[jammo1989]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

Each piece fitted represents another step forward even though it doesn't make sense in any way.

It wasn't until I finally found the last piece of the puzzle that the picture finally took form and made sense. That's when I could finally make sense of it all and finally walk away. That piece, for me, was when she married another man.

Perhaps there are other more suitable analogies that people could share... .

No the best analogy to describe a relationship or experience with a cluster B is this:

Do you remember watching Jumanji as a child? You see this dusty box, you dont know what it is but something within you draws you to it, you then decide to play the game (enter the relationship) you dont know what to expect, then suddenly youve been sucked into a world that is foreign to you (your exes behavior) you stay in the game learning to adapt to how the game is played as time goes by (accepting her behavior) you want to run, get out of the game, but because youve been playing it for sometime you almost adapt to all the things you are trying to run from, in this case the poacher who tries to kill you (Jumanji reference) When you are finally out of the relationship (you win the game they call Jumanji) you are now faced with reality, in other words how things used to be before you got sucked into the game, you are left confused, looking for answers as to what happened, but as time passes just like Jumanji you realise what you once fought is still there waiting to be played again in its dusty box, but just like Robin Williams in Jumanji you run and leave that dusty box sitting there, a part of you will be drawn to it again because its almost hypnotic, but you know as well as I know that, you have experienced the game of Jumanji, you beat the game of Jumanji and for your own sanity you need leave the game alone untill the next uneducated, unexpected victim tries to play it.

Thats my own analogy by the way, and if you havent watched Jumanji you should its a classic!  

[Lucky Jim]

You could say that recovery from a BPD r/s involves rediscovering the personal pilot light that remained on inside your stove, despite whatever kitchen implements your Ex may have hurled at you!

[enlighten me]

My favourite analogy for BPD behaviour is how they behave if you split up.

Imagine a child thats got a birthday coming up. You promise them the best party ever. Friends, jelly, icecream, presents, music the works. They really look forward to this. They then do something naughty so you cancel the party. They are livid. They blame you. They lash out at you. They tell everyone how mean you are.

This is what some of us have lived through.

The party is their expectation of a happy life where we fulfil all their needs and accept them for who they are.

[GrowThroughIt]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

Each piece fitted represents another step forward even though it doesn't make sense in any way.

It wasn't until I finally found the last piece of the puzzle that the picture finally took form and made sense. That's when I could finally make sense of it all and finally walk away. That piece, for me, was when she married another man.

Perhaps there are other more suitable analogies that people could share... .

No the best analogy to describe a relationship or experience with a cluster B is this:

Do you remember watching Jumanji as a child? You see this dusty box, you dont know what it is but something within you draws you to it, you then decide to play the game (enter the relationship) you dont know what to expect, then suddenly youve been sucked into a world that is foreign to you (your exes behavior) you stay in the game learning to adapt to how the game is played as time goes by (accepting her behavior) you want to run, get out of the game, but because youve been playing it for sometime you almost adapt to all the things you are trying to run from, in this case the poacher who tries to kill you (Jumanji reference) When you are finally out of the relationship (you win the game they call Jumanji) you are now faced with reality, in other words how things used to be before you got sucked into the game, you are left confused, looking for answers as to what happened, but as time passes just like Jumanji you realise what you once fought is still there waiting to be played again in its dusty box, but just like Robin Williams in Jumanji you run and leave that dusty box sitting there, a part of you will be drawn to it again because its almost hypnotic, but you know as well as I know that, you have experienced the game of Jumanji, you beat the game of Jumanji and for your own sanity you need leave the game alone untill the next uneducated, unexpected victim tries to play it.

Thats my own analogy by the way, and if you havent watched Jumanji you should its a classic!  

Brilliant!

I grew up on Jumanji! Might have to rewatch it now from that perspective!

[jammo1989]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

Each piece fitted represents another step forward even though it doesn't make sense in any way.

It wasn't until I finally found the last piece of the puzzle that the picture finally took form and made sense. That's when I could finally make sense of it all and finally walk away. That piece, for me, was when she married another man.

Perhaps there are other more suitable analogies that people could share... .

No the best analogy to describe a relationship or experience with a cluster B is this:

Do you remember watching Jumanji as a child? You see this dusty box, you dont know what it is but something within you draws you to it, you then decide to play the game (enter the relationship) you dont know what to expect, then suddenly youve been sucked into a world that is foreign to you (your exes behavior) you stay in the game learning to adapt to how the game is played as time goes by (accepting her behavior) you want to run, get out of the game, but because youve been playing it for sometime you almost adapt to all the things you are trying to run from, in this case the poacher who tries to kill you (Jumanji reference) When you are finally out of the relationship (you win the game they call Jumanji) you are now faced with reality, in other words how things used to be before you got sucked into the game, you are left confused, looking for answers as to what happened, but as time passes just like Jumanji you realise what you once fought is still there waiting to be played again in its dusty box, but just like Robin Williams in Jumanji you run and leave that dusty box sitting there, a part of you will be drawn to it again because its almost hypnotic, but you know as well as I know that, you have experienced the game of Jumanji, you beat the game of Jumanji and for your own sanity you need leave the game alone untill the next uneducated, unexpected victim tries to play it.

Thats my own analogy by the way, and if you havent watched Jumanji you should its a classic!  

Brilliant!

I grew up on Jumanji! Might have to rewatch it now from that perspective!

YESSSS! it was a fantastic childhood film of mine, ill watch it tonight if you do  

[Maternus]

Do you remember watching Jumanji as a child? You see this dusty box, you dont know what it is but something within you draws you to it, you then decide to play the game (enter the relationship) you dont know what to expect, then suddenly youve been sucked into a world that is foreign to you (your exes behavior)  

It was different for me. I've been sucked into a world that felt absolutely familiar. I finally was in a relationship that was like my parents relationships and I thought, that's the real world. Here I am, finally at home.

[Mutt]

The road to recovery following a failed BPD relationship is probably one of the hardest journeys we will ever have to take, especially as there are no logical road signs on the way to guide us.

For me the best analogy I can think of that best describes recovery is that it is like trying to complete a magic jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and all are white.

Each piece fitted represents another step forward even though it doesn't make sense in any way.

It wasn't until I finally found the last piece of the puzzle that the picture finally took form and made sense. That's when I could finally make sense of it all and finally walk away. That piece, for me, was when she married another man.

Perhaps there are other more suitable analogies that people could share... .

I agree it's a difficult journey and what also helped me in this journey are the members here that were a helping hand through a difficult experience.

What my ex partner and BPD taught me are the areas in life were I saw as black and white before I arrived here and that anything in life can happen. I had a difficult time accepting and letting go that I was heading for divorce and very angry with her affair and her boyfriend.

I see someone that acts impulsively and has difficulties seeing the needs of others because of her intense emotions and the pain that she feels and her dichotomous thinking causes pain to those closest to her. A couple of months ago she gave me news that she was pregnant and it showed me long-standing behaviors that are more apparent now than when I was in the thick of it in the marriage.

She survives day to day and I came to the realization after hearing the news, if it's not one thing it's something else and I choose to accept it and flow with it. I feel peace and happiness accepting things for how they are and not unhappy for things that I cannot change.

A road I found difficult and also rewarding - bittersweet. BPD is complex and the behaviors and motivations are incredibly confusing at times; it teaches me lessons each day about myself.

“Flow with whatever may happen, and . . . be free: Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” Zhuangzi