So do I just leave him alone? That is the direction I am leaning toward. I know no matter what I decide to do, I lose. So I think I am leaning toward minimizing conversation today because anything I say will be wrong. I will meet up with a girlfriend after work for a mini girls' night out. Then go home and do my laundry.
This is a great idea. You can't fix his problems. Make yourself available if/when he wants to talk or whatever. But if he comes down on you, enforce boundaries. Maybe let him know what you will be doing, and that you are available if he wants to call, and that you do care about what he is going through. That could help ease the abandonment trigger. Good chance he will dysregulate and get angry at you anyway, but if that is the case that is beyond your control and was inevitable anyway, and you can't help that.
Now - my guess as to what is really going on with him - if he is anything like my BPD wife, he may feel closer to people in times of crisis. My wife tends to bond with people when some kind of stress is going on. And I am also guessing that your BF is somehow feeling bad about himself because his "friend" is doing something he deems worthy and good. He may feel that helping his friend out will help him feel like a more valid person and a true friend.
Well, I have decided to do my own thing- which is see my best friend for happy hour, then go home and do laundry. (yay) I did send him a text about an hour ago. I know he has a very busy day- but I KNOW he is glued to his phone---- and it's been silence. I am sure he is very angry.
Your "guess" about what is really going on with him is fascinating. Yes, I have noticed a pattern of him feeling or wanting to be closer to someone in times of crisis. I don't know if he wants to be a hero... .if it's for himself or if it is really truly genuine about the other person. Maybe he does feel bad about himself... .I never thought of it that way. He does not generally go out of his way, or above and beyond for other people- only on very rare occasion.
