Hello, Sagan &
I'm really sorry for all the confusion and stress you are going through with your boyfriend... .But you have found the right place for the answers you are looking for; all of the members of this Board are familiar with some (if not all!) of the things that are troubling you, and there is a wealth of information here in the member threads and all of the
links to the right-hand side of this page. But you probably already know that
When i was last at home with him, i called or visited the samaritans every day. His behaviour was so extreme - totally loving one second, and volatile, and abusive the next. But he never see's it as being abusive - he thinks that it is my fault - because I do things that upset him and if i didn't act in xyz... .way, then it wouldn't make him mad. Of course, the things that make him mad change from one micro second to the next, so it's quite hard to keep track of .
This is concerning to me... .When you say he is "abusive" are you talking about verbally, emotionally and/or physically? Are you ever worried about your safety actually? If so, I have a couple of links I'd like to encourage you to read:
TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women and
Safety First. We would like to know more about this aspect of your relationship, Sagan, so we can help
I need a better way to handle this situation with him. Is this going to get any better? Is it completely unrealistic to think that he might see that i am in need of some support from my boyfriend? Is it ever possible to have an emotionally balanced/equally relationship with someone who has BPD?
We do have information on how to find a better way to handle your relationship with your boyfriend, and there
are ways to make things better. It's not completely unrealistic to think that, eventually, he might see that you are in need of some support from him, and it
is possible to have a somewhat emotionally balanced/equal relationship with someone with BPD... .
Of course, there are all sorts of caveats involved with all of that: Would he ever acknowledge that he has a problem, and would he seek and complete Therapy? If you learn the proper communication tools and techniques to learn how to communicate with him better, would he respond in a positive manner? If, the more you learn about his troubles and where they come from and how his mind works, will that in turn spark a difference in the way you understand and deal with him... .And will that difference cause him to change the way he reacts to, and deals with, you?
We have some really educational and interesting
Feature Articles that will give you more information that will be very eye-opening and helpful for you, and I'd really recommend that you check them out... .Some of the titles are:
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship,
Anosognosia and Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy,
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships,
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?, and all of them are really helpful. (They are also found under the 4 photos at the top of the Staying Board's thread listing page)
I am really sorry that your family has so many sad issues going on right now, and so very sorry for your own health issues... .I know that at a time like this, the last thing you need is a boyfriend who is giving you a hard time about taking this time for yourself, and hope that we can help you through all of this, Sagan
