What is the next step

[houstontxfather]

We have diagnosed my 17 year old daughter with BPD. She exhibits all the classic symptoms. Her secret boyfriend broke up with her 8 weeks ago. suicide thoughts, depression, provocative dress, drinking, anxiety, emotions on steroids etc. I am pretty much an enabler as I am scared she will harm herself. She has fits of rage at me for the smallest things. We has been cutting on and off for over a year. She has pretty much had these traits for many years. We have her in a DBT program which is five hours a week. We are also changing her meds.

I am worried this is not enough. I am having problems finding out about other options. It seems all inpatient programs are aimed at addiction. Would a therapy school be a good place? inpatient? etc. My Girlfriend of 4 years is a full time psychotherapist and feels she needs more help immediately, before she turns 18.  I know this is not about me but my life has become a living hell. I need help and am having a hard time finding answers and options.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello houstontxfather,

Welcome to the site and the Parent's Board.  We are happy to have you here with us and sorry to hear that your d has BPD. 

It's good that she is in a DBT program. Finding one that has all the components is tough so your d is fortunate there.  How long has she been in the DBT program?  Any signs of improvement?

I understand your dilemma... .do as much as you can while you still have the power to make it happen.  I'm all in with you on that one.  I sent my d to RTC for 10 months when she was 13.

Since you are in Houston... .I assume from your username... .have you looked into Menningers inpatient adolescent program?  If you are wanting something less clinical then Therapeutic Boarding Schools/Residential Treatment is the next option.

I understand you are looking for help for your d and that is paramount to what you are feeling... .from experience I can tell you that they are very much intertwined... .your well being and helping her.  We must lead by example and to do that we must be healthy ourselves... .this requires self care, education on communicating skills, boundaries, responding vs reacting.  Getting ourselves out of the FOG (fear obligation guilt) pattern of decision making is a good place to begin.

Here is some info on FOG... .tell us what you think.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

lbj

[jellibeans]

hello houstontxfather

Your story sounds a lot like mine and I feel that it really isn't an easy question to answer. I do think doing something now before she turns 18 is a good directions... .but what does that look like.

We took our daughter to menninger in Houston where they did extensive testing and gave her a new DX which gave us a new direction to go in. Her time at Menninger was very expensive but I truly feel it gave us insight into her problems and help us with our next step which was sending her to Hazeldan Betty Ford clinic in MN for further work on her addiction issues. What we thought were mental health issues were actually the impact drugs were having on her. I still believe she has mental health issues but I do believe her drug use was driving a lot of her issues too.

At one time we were looking at a RTC in utah... .falcon Ranch... .I do think that also would have accomplished alot of the same things the other two palces did but is is hard to say if they would have given her a new DX.

My daughter has done DBT for two years and I didn't see a really big improvement in her behavior. One doctor told me at Hazelden that DBT doesn't really work on teens... .that was news to me because I always thought it was the best approach.

I am interested to hearing what meds she is on? My dd is on celexa and Lamictal but we are going to slowly wean her off these meds in the next year. Here are some meds I feel can really cause more problems than they help. My dd was taken off her ADHD meds while in rehab and I think this was good. It is our hope to keep her off and let her learn how to deal with her focus issues. She is a senior at high school and only has a few weeks left so I don't think she needs this meds right now. I also feel that the depression meds she took in the past didn't help... .I feel they aggitated her more than anything. so what I think you need to look at are the meds and what they are doing for her. The older my dd gets the more I feel she needs to be off all her meds and now that she is close to 18 I would really like to see that unfold in the next year if possible.

What I think is really important is to change the communication skills you have with your dd. Learning how to difuse conflict is pretty important. Most importantly I feel setting boundaries are the only way to protect yourself and your mental health. Having someone rage at you repeatedly makes it hard for you to make the right decision for fear of raging. I really believe if you are all stuck in an endless circle of conflict and raging etc then sometimes and outside RTC can help break that cycle. Finding a good RTC is another story so I would begin searching now so that when or if you have to make that decision it is not make in a crisis situation but rather when a plan is already in place. There are many that will try and take advantage of you and your family when you are crisis... .don't rush your decision and make the right right choice... .not just the place your insurance will cover... .insurance rarely covers the good places... .sorry to say that but those are not the places you want your child at... or at least I would investigate extensively first. We hired an educational advisor and that was the biggest waste of money... .we actually mangaed to get part most of our money back due to their poor advise and they really only made things more stressful.

I would like to know more about your dd story... .I know how you are feeling and I just have to tell you things will get better but it will take some time. Hang in there... .you are doing the best you can and so is she. When she knows better she will do better.